Radar Exclusively Reports That Its John Roberts Exclusive Was Exclusively Wrong

Meanwhile, Stinque exclusively reports that Antonin Scalia was devoured by a pack of rabid hyenas. Check back for exclusive updates!

EXCLUSIVE: U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts Considering Stepping Down [Radar]

Update: Stinque has obtained new information that Antonin Scalia was NOT devoured by a pack of rabid hyenas, but drowned during a tryst with horny manatees.

Update: Stinque can exclusively report that Antonin Scalia survived his manatee three-way, only to succumb later to autoerotic asphyxiation.

Update: Stinque has learned that Antonin Scalia slipped his noose, but the gerbil remains at large inside his colon.

Update: Due to a mistranscription, we misreported the last exclusive update. Antonin Scalia is actually wedged up the gerbil’s colon. Stinque exclusively regrets the error.

Update: What was exclusively identified to Stinque as a gerbil has now been exclusively redescribed as a furry. Antonin Scalia’s position remains unchanged.

Update: Stinque exclusively reports that the furry is Clarence Thomas.

nojo
7:00 pm • Thursday • March 4, 2010
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