Surf Nazis Say Moderates Must Die!

HONOLULU — The Republican National Committee, howling ecstatic sieg heils into the waves in this tropical paradise, vowed to deny campaign aid any GOP candidate who cannot dictate Mein Kampf by heart in the original German, with a Bavarian inflection and a teeny tiny moustache while goosestepping rigorously around the Holiday Inn where they are staying.

The RNC had been preparing a more demanding, totalist purity test for GOP candidates to receive party funding but chose this alternative because there are a limited number of sieg heiling nutbags who would put up with that kind of Lord-of-the-Flies abuse who aren’t in straightjackets somewhere on a Thorazine drip. Worse, the GOP hero of the hour, Sen.-elect Scott Brown of Massachusetts, would have failed the test for abortion (amiguous position), and health care reform (voted for Romneycare).

RNC rejects ideological ‘purity test’ resolution to screen candidates [The Hill]

RNC Chairman Michael Steele said, “We decided against an out and out purity test that would have required DNA samples, a sworn blood oath to the party, a sworn oath to Jesus, the amputation of a finger, 1000 bicep noogies and an ass-raping performed by Karl Rove in an Nazi SS uniform, in favor of this ‘plaform test’ which speaks to larger principles than requiring an explicit oath of total and unyielding fealty to the party and to specific planks. We’re flexible like that.”

42 Comments

Adherence to a strict ideology didn’t end well for many Communist Parties either.

I just listened to a lot of the Obama appearance yesterday at the GOP shindig on my weekly trek to Zabar’s – it was like hearing baby seals get clubbed.

@blogenfreude:

The difference being that *these* baby seals were completely asking for it.

BTW, the irony of the NRSC ad running in the left column of this story is awesome. Are those ads pay-per-click? If they are, I might just have some free clickin’ time this afternoon… :)

In other news:

Orrin Hatch declares terrorism entirely defeated, says priority now is ensuring that we get to watch the right college boys play grab-ass on national TV on New Years

OK, that’s not really the headline. But this is even dumber than Shrub assigning FBI agents to investigate legal online porn – a feat I’d have thought was impossible, even for the Republican all-stars.

@al2o3cr: That reminds me of a remark I heard Wednesday at a forum about the fired US Attorneys. Carol Lam (fired-San Diego) and John McKay (fired-Seattle) were talking about stupid Bushie DOJ priorities, including the adult obscenity crusade. McKay said when he and the local FBI head were commiserating about that, the agent sarcastically said he was glad to hear we’d caught all the terrorists and now had time to devote to porn. Lam recounted a story about how the USA for Nevada said he’d been approached by Main Justice about the obscenity priority and lamented how stupid it was to make that a priority in Las Vegas.

TJ: Charlie Crist, rot in hell for trying to prove your conservative bonafides to the Florida GOP on the crushed backs of Haitians. I used to think Crist was one of the better Republicans.

And why isn’t Barry ordering the medical airlifts to be reinstated?

The comments from NYT readers are horrifying. Not as bad as you’d see in the Redneck Times, but still pretty bad. Ironic given I had just read Gail Collins’ column about how selfish Americans are.
ADD: NYT changed the article at this URL with an updated version and deleted the comments that accompanied this morning’s article.

@al2o3cr: OK, that’s not really the headline.

Hey! You’re stealing my tricks! Then again, not sure where I stole them. Probably from everybody else.

@SanFranLefty:BBC’s take on the halted medical evacuations: “medical bill row”

Confirming the flights had stopped, US Transportation Command spokesman Capt Kevin Aandahl said on Saturday: “Apparently, some states were unwilling to accept the entry of Haitian patients for follow-on critical care.

“We manage air evacuation missions, but without a destination to fly to we can’t move anybody. If we don’t have permission to bring them, or they won’t take them in, we can’t fly the mission. It’s pretty simple.”

….

We have 100 critically ill patients who will die in the next day or two if we don’t med-evac them,” Dr Green, chairman of the University of Miami’s Global Institute for Community Health and Development, told AP news agency.

Among the patients was a five-year-old girl suffering from tetanus in a small leg wound.

She would die within a day unless evacuated, Dr David Pitcher, a medic at the institute’s temporary field hospital at Haiti’s international airport, told AP.

And the Associated Press has more details. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why is this even an issue? Then again, our country thinks it’s okay that 45,000 Americans die each year and countless more go into bankruptcy because of no health insurance – I guess why would we value the life of a 5 year old Haitian girl any more?

/off to make a martini

@SanFranLefty: This is a disgusting story, even by recent US standards.

@al2o3cr: Whats important to remember, is that “porn” IS illegal. That stuff that we watch that we use the non-legal term “porn” for, is not porn, otherwise it would be illegal; it is literary work of a serious nature, never forget that.

@SanFranLefty: This reminds me of the US turning away the ship loaded with Jewish refugees fleeing Germany, and death, was it just before we entered WWII?

@Promnight:
OMG Prommie, I was thinking the same thing, about that ship during WWII. Great minds, etc., etc.

I figured that if old Fidel wanted to score some rhetorical points (and improve his status with the Flying Spaghetti Monster), he should invite the US military to evacuate the injured children and adults to Gitmo, tell them to take the broken and infected bodies to the gate, and then have local docs and medics take the kids to Cuba’s hospitals.

Another problem, of course, is that all of the US ‘Meriken states closest to Haiti are red states. David Paterson could score points with the diaspora in Brooklyn by announcing that the flights can land in New York.

@SanFranLefty: But the so-called Xtians in Focus on the Family have $2.8 million to spend on their fucking Tim Tebow anti-choice ad. It’s all about priorities.

ADD: Perhaps we could get a neutral country to evacuate them to Cuba.

@Mistress Cynica: Canada? Manchu, I’m looking at you. I couldn’t swing a gato in Havana without running into pasty Canucks and their bizarre Spanish pronunciations. (There’s something about the Canadian accent – which is almost indistinguishable from Midwest US ‘Meriken – that really blazes through en Espanol).

@Mistress Cynica: If its any consolation, Tim stunk up the place today during the North-South game. The football world is out to put him in his place, insisting he fit in the square hole they think QBs should fit in. All he did was achieve fantastic results by not fitting in that square hole.

I won’t go after someone just for being a bornagain, and up till now, Tebow never did anything but be what he is, and it seems that those who deal with him everyday respect him greatly. But this FOF commercial thing, seems someone is using him. Its a stupid move.

@Promnight: Jesus Doesn’t Want Him for a Sunbeam.

@Promnight: Tim’s deal is that he isn’t fit to play in the NFL. After getting a guarnateed $40 mill/5 yr contract, he will get an “injury” within three months, and then go become a missionary for Jeebus, while collecting the other $39 mill and tell everyone on the planet within earshot how he gave it up to be a spokesman for Gawd, just like that Arizona Cardinals player who was killed by friendly fire.

mark my words.

@SanFranLefty: Pat Tillman (and his entire family) would kick the asses of anyone who compared him to Tim Tebow. Dude was mos def not the fundie type.

@Promnight: I wouldn’t be surprised if it was his mom and dad who were using him as much as FOF.

@al2o3cr: Are those ads pay-per-click?

Yes. Yes they are.

Although it would be unethical of me to suggest you click the hell out of them.

@SanFranLefty:
Actually, the Canada City gov is ferrying Haitian orphans to Quebec. I wish I could say this was a humanitarian gesture, but considering that Harper sees/thinks/acts only through the electoral calculus I’m betting no.

@SanFranLefty: Huh? He’s a lot more complicated than that. Forget his religion, I mean, aren’t we supposed to judge people with no regard for their religion?

He has a style of play and a skill set that does not fit within the very conservative, orthodox notion of what a QB should do.

I have seen this before. Randall Cuningham, the NFL hobbled and ruined him.

@Promnight:
NFL’s too damned rigid, but his running style would fit easily in the CFL assuming they had any money to throw at him (he would also have to throw too considering we only have a mere 3 downs.)

Being entirely clueless on the matter, I read a year or so back how the NFL was simply a different style of play than college ball, and there’s really no telling how well or poorly a star college QB will do.

But hey, the game’s the game. You can dispute how the NFL does it, but that’s how it’s done.

@SanFranLefty: I thought the same thing in re Fidel. The practical solution is to airlift them to Costa Rica, where there is a surplus of US trained meds and very modern facilities, and the costs are about a fifth of USAmerica medcare.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Word. Did you read Krakauer’s book about Tilman, that dude was everything but a one dimensional caricature of the modern NFL player.

@Promnight: Randall Cuningham, the NFL hobbled and ruined him. Fixed. Good quarterbacks go to Philly to be promising, but not to flourish. Who was the last really great Iggle QB, Jaworski? Where did he take them?

@ManchuCandidate: Speaking of Fattycheeks, is his government still in danger of toppling over any time within the next month?

@ManchuCandidate: How do you get banned from deadspin? They run a column on poop every week.

I’m still trying to get banned over at saysuncle.com, a RW gun blog, as the pesky liberal troll. No luck yet.

You seen “Moon” yet? Pretty cool. Echos of Silent Running, 2001 and Solaris. Written and directed by David Bowie’s son.

@rptrcub:
Depends. Wait and see what poop flies out of post-Vancouver games.

@redmanlaw:
One really lame comment and I got ejected. Still have my io9 access which is fine with me.

Moon is one movie that is on my really want to see list.

I guess I’m my dad when it comes to movies (very picky and grouchy.) There were only saw two new release movies last year and loved both (District 9 and Hurt Locker.) No plans to see Avatar.

@ManchuCandidate: Son of RML made a stencil from a Prawn target I downloaded. He’s going to spray it on his snowboard today. Ian J would dig the Gir he’s also putting on. Check FB later for pix.

“Non-Human” Target from d-9.com

If you want to get tossed from anyplace quickly, necrobestiality references will usually do the trick.
@redmanlaw:

@ManchuCandidate: I too only saw two movies at the theater in 2009 – “Precious” and “Up in the Air” – I’m picky, cheap, and bothered by annoying people in the theater. Saw “District 9” last night on DVD – liked it, and I normally don’t like blow-em-up movies.

@redmanlaw:
It should be a nice looking board.

@FlyingChainSaw:
LOL. Now you make me wish I had mentioned necrobestiality.

@SanFranLefty:
I love(d) blow-em up movies, but either I got wiser or they just got dumber much dumber. A bit from column A and from column B.

I liked D9 because it was intelligent unlike most SF movies these days. I get into nerd fights with my fellow nerd friends because of it. They seem to go for the whole SFX porn thing whereas I like’em with a plot and some thought put into it (and the lasers, too but it has to have a plot!)

I do recommend the Hurt Locker and it is the only movie I’m cheering for come Oscar time. Partially because a friend of mine is writing a movie about Afghanistan that is similar and based on the experiences of a platoon leader there and an Oscar win for the Hurt Locker would help get funding for it.

@FlyingChainSaw: I wouldn’t recommend it, they just lie there, none of that wonderful wiggling that is the whole point.

@ManchuCandidate: I haven’t seen anything in a theater in a year, a year ago I did see The Wrestler, which was great, hey, you would not believe how hot Marissa Tomei was, in real close focus, too, at her (my) age.

Whats been good, the last 12 months? I want to see The Hurt Locker, though its not my usual bag, and I just can’t wrap my mind around non-anti-war war movies, I growed up with Mash and Heart of Darkness, though I suppose The Green Berets and Patton were in the mix, too.

@redmanlaw: Echos of Silent Running

Saw Bruce Dern in a recent Hitchcock DVD feature. Dude has not aged well.

@Promnight: I think the last thing I saw in a theater was Syriana, but I can’t be sure. Flatscreen TV and BlueRay have pretty much ended my theater experience. And yes – I know – I should see Avatar on the big screen. But will I?

@blogenfreude: I might be warped or something, but my favorite movie, all time, is American Beauty; I can’t think of anything out there in the last year that appealed to me, to even want to watch. I think I might be forgetting some, though. Oxymorphone is a hell of a drug.

@ManchuCandidate: When I was younger, 3 girlfriends and I would go to a movie every week after Sunday brunch. A couple of them were big blow-’em-up fans, so I saw a number of those–not really my thing, but kinda fun sometimes. (I would get them back with Jane Austen adaptations when it was my turn to chose). However, after the OKC bombing, which happened 3 blocks from my office, blew a window in on me, and killed or injured people I knew, I was never able to sit through a blow-up movie again. Having lived through the real thing, it just wasn’t entertainment anymore. (For months after the bombing I would hit the floor when it thundered. I still hate loud noises.)

@blogenfreude: Even without BluRay, a flatscreen changes everything — and mine’s only 720p. (Related to our other discussion, $500 seems to be my sweet spot.)

Yes, a couple of movies would have benefited from an auditorium and an audience, but those are rare exceptions — and I really doubt Vertigo and 2001 are going to be screened in 70mm again in my lifetime. 2001 in 70mm is a revelation.

@Promnight: Oh, yes, I concur. I was just advising MC on the appropriate level of vulgarity required to assure one rapid ejection from a blog.

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