Inverted Pyramid Scheme
Title: “The Associated Press Stylebook 2009”
Rank: 91
Customers Also Bought: “Foundations of Pentecostal Theology,” by Guy P. Duffield
Footnote: But enough about that. We just need a cheap excuse to run some recent Greatest Tweets from FakeAPStylebook…
- When burying the lede always eliminate any witnesses.
- Avoid using the term ‘white paper.’ Use ‘Wall Street Journal’ instead.
- Passive voice is used when the receiver of an action is more important than the performer. Ex: Your mom was banged.
- A “homonym” is a nym attracted to nyms of the same gender.
- The word “diarrhea” is hard to spell. Try: transporter problems, Jackson Brown, #3, blowing the devil’s trombone.
- When it is raining put a circumflex above all vowels to prêvênt thêm frôm gêttîng wêt.
- “Dickweed” is the pejorative term, “dick weed” is the dreaded Peruvian Penis Thistle.
- References to online retailer Amazon.com should always include “.com” even though they actually make money.
- For 1-5 pizza boxes, use the suffix -heap. For 6-10, use -henge. 10+ pizza boxes is a pizziggurat.
- One does not “use” an interrobang. One submits to it.
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When talking about retirements from Congress, 6 Dems leaving is a HUGE issue while 14 GOPers is nothing.
Whenever a major scandal erupts involving widespread corruption, incompetence and mismanagement and sordid sexual dalliances throughout the Republican party don’t forget to remind readers that there was this democratic congressman from Louisiana who hid a stack of bill in his icebox. Whenever a GOP campaign releases a barrage of patently false and misleading and even subtly racist campaign commercials against their Democratic opponent that suggest he wants to provide children as pets to paedophile prisoners, be sure to mention that the Democrat also once released a commercial that included a charge that politifact.com labeled as “misleading.” In short, whenever one side does something bad, be sure to remind readers that the other side is just as awful, even if you haven’t really thought it through and don’t actually have the fact to back it up.
@Serolf Divad: I think you are over your 140 characters.
My mind is too voracious and dynamic even for twitter.
Any mention of gay-this or gay-that must be balanced by mentions of Pat Robertson, Adam Lambert, and closets.
Any mention of gay marriage must be balanced by mentions of Pat Robertson, Adam Lambert, children, and closets.
Andrew Sullivan’s fixation on Sarah Palin’s uterus can only be referenced if identifying him as a conservative.
@Qunt: I love you.
@Qunt: That doubles Known Stinque Bumpers to two.
BURR DEMING • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Thank you for this, nojo. He was a wonderful talent and, by all accounts, a wonderful human…
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Oh, and there’s a Catholic church across the street. Maybe I can do a little dance for them!
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Now that I’m in NYC, plenty of pigeons to poison in his honor.
NOJO • All the Vice President's Men 2025 update: Nothing happened. And here we are!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Weeping Angel Imagine going from hope to Fascism in less than two decades enabled by greedy ass (millionaire)…
NOJO • Nightmare at the Museum From the last time he threatened to bomb Iran, 2020. Remember that one? All a misty blur now.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: I have birthright citizenship in Cascadia, so I think I’m good.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Only the sane parts... like the West coast, New England (minus the Bruins and…
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: So, can you guys annex us now?
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