Recognizing the 8 Signs of Terrorism
Surveillance. You hear a loud noise outside your livingroom window, which turns out to be John Elway complaining that he stepped in dog shit.
Elicitation. John Elway asks you to hold his camera while he wipes the dog shit from his shoes.
Tests of Security. While you’re admiring his camera, John Elway wipes some dog shit onto your shoes.
Funding. John Elway hits you up for a sawbuck to take his shoes to the cleaners, promises he’ll pay you back as soon as the furniture-store check clears.
Acquiring Supplies. You encounter John Elway at the supermarket buying lunchbags, butane lighters, and canned beans with the money you gave him.
Impersonation. You ask John Elway to autograph your box of Wheaties, but he signs it “Brett Favre.”
Rehearsal. Turning into your driveway, you wonder why John Elway is running sprints from the street to your door and back.
Deployment. John Elway leaves a flaming bag of shit on your porch.