What Does Libby Have on Cheney That Made It So Important to Pardon Him?
Insane genocidal maniac Dick Cheney is living in obvious terror that Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby is going to fuck him over big-time for not securing the presidential pardon that was obviously part of the deal for Scooter-pie to take the fall for outing Valerie Plame, one of the largest and most damaging breaches of intelligence security in modern history as, no shit, Plame’s brief was nuclear non-proliferation, arguably relevant now that the Taliban are one short war away from securing a nuclear party favor of their own.
Anyway, here’s the deal. Cheney was quite used to a very orderly deliberative process in the executive branch. Petroleum company executives, lunatics from the Project for a New American Century, the American Enterprise Institute or sundry fascist front think-tanks and his old employers at Halliburton would call and tell him how they could make some easy money together or advance some lunatic ultra-rightist fantasy. Cheney would get up from his desk, march into Caligutard’s office, wake him from his usual drunken stupor, lift his penis and command Caligutard to chew the smegma from his genitals.
Once Cheney was satisfied that the Caligutard had satisfactorily confirmed his place in the executive pecking order, he’d issue a directive which Caligutard would carry out while wiping the scum from his face. Then, it came time to produce a pardon for Scooter-pie. Caligutard dutifully cleansed Cheney’s privates but he always seemed to forget to issue the pardon.
This was disheartening to the conspirators. Scooter-pie had his bar certification revoked after he was convicted of perjury about the Plame affair, for one, and he would need it to maintain some of the more profitable parts of his Beltway banditry practice, even under a Democratic administration. Cheney, for the first time, had to make a direct demand to the Caligurard that his will be done.
The effort failed, but the snub by the Texas Lone Ranger has left Cheney furious. As the New York Daily News reported, Cheney “tried to make it happen right up until the very end,” pressing his case in many conversations, both in person and on the phone. Cheney was relentless, said one ally.
He went to the mat and came back and back and back at Bush. He was still trying the day before the inauguration.
Here’s where the story descends into fantasy. Everyone’s supposed to believe that Cheney’s motivation was inspired by his inerring sense of justice. The New York Daily News reported: “In an interview with The Weekly Standard, Cheney heaped praise on Libby and denounced his conviction. “He was the victim of a serious miscarriage of justice, and I strongly believe that he deserved a presidential pardon,” Cheney said. “Obviously, I disagree with President Bush’s decision.”
Suddenly, a butcher who would sentence a nation of 25 million people to certain death to fatten up his pension plan is all concerned that one random Washington hack didn’t get a pardon he deserved? A guy who snacks daily on the flesh of barbequed infants is now a champion of justice? We think not, Stinquers. Obviously, Scooter-pie has a gun to Cheney’s face and its beginning to chip his teeth. And, this time, the co-conspirator is too high profile to be disappeared in a convenient plane crash or suicide.
What say you, Stinquers? What does Scooter have on Cheney that would get the rabid automaton so worked up? What besides Cheney’s role in destroying Plame’s non-proliferation ministry? Or was that the sum and whole of it: Cheney’s real target was the blinding of the states to movement of fissionable materials in which he had an interest in undisturbed trafficking? Was the appearance of political revenge just another cover for Cheney’s business interests? Or does Scooter-pie have stories to tell about Cheney and pre-teen boys and the usual Washington-brand indiscretions?