Barney the Dog Driven Mad with Abuse Nearly Dismembers TV Correspondent
Barney the White House dog is reportedly a roiling cauldron of seething hate as far as anything Caligutard is concerned – hardly surprising given that the lame duck president’s likeability quotient falls somewhere between gangrene and Jeffrey Dahmer.
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Ever since former New Jersey governor Cristy Todd Whitman gave Caligutard the black terrier, the Secret Service has observed an air of tension, finally flourishing into outright disdain between the dog and the Caligutard. Agents confided that Barney regularly beat the president at Crazy Eights and always guesses the Jeopardy questions correctly before Bush could even sound out the answer clues.
Now, apparently, driven insane with twisted abuse, Barney nearly pulled off a Reuters Television reporter at the White House. What caused the attack? Body language experts reviewing the video surmised that the dog has been sexually abused by the president, starved, and fed a diet of cocaine and beer.