Barney the Dog Driven Mad with Abuse Nearly Dismembers TV Correspondent

Barney the White House dog is reportedly a roiling cauldron of seething hate as far as anything Caligutard is concerned – hardly surprising given that the lame duck president’s likeability quotient falls somewhere between gangrene and Jeffrey Dahmer.

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Ever since former New Jersey governor Cristy Todd Whitman gave Caligutard the black terrier, the Secret Service has observed an air of tension, finally flourishing into outright disdain between the dog and the Caligutard. Agents confided that Barney regularly beat the president at Crazy Eights and always guesses the Jeopardy questions correctly before Bush could even sound out the answer clues.

Now, apparently, driven insane with twisted abuse, Barney nearly pulled off a Reuters Television reporter at the White House. What caused the attack? Body language experts reviewing the video surmised that the dog has been sexually abused by the president, starved, and fed a diet of cocaine and beer.

48 Comments

Or could be a perfectly good morning dump was interrupted.

When I am First Puppy-sitter under the new administration incidents like this will never occur. One of the most important aspects of the job is maintaining good canine-media relations.

Should have that video working now…

Possibly Dick Cheney bit Barney Tuesday night and infected him with rabies. It probably happened at the exact moment Karl Rove was pontificating on Fox News about McCain’s about-to-be-successful electoral strategy and was interrupted as Ohio went for Obama. Priceless!

FCS: Is “gange green” something disgusting or a creative spelling of gangrene, which the idiot reporter might get if he doesn’t take care of his finger.
Poor Barney. Living with a “master” so much dumber than he is, paraded before the press corps and paparazzi every day when he’s trying to “do his business” — no wonder he snapped, literally and figuratively.

Are we sure this wasn’t Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on a prank?

@Mistress Cynica: The dog needs to be rescued by the ASPCA.

Poor Barney. You know he doesn’t get much love.

Upon review, those reporters deserved to be pissed on by Barney. He was probably thinking “hey, if you dumbasses had actually done your fucking jobs over the last eight years you wouldn’t have to come taunt the White House dog.”

I have it straight from the lips of Christine Todd Whitman, who gave the dog to Caligutard, what she said was “that dog hates him.” Seriously, it was shortly after she left DEP and wrote that book about how rich republicans need to kick out the fundie rabble from the GOP. Rutgers has this little policy and public policy institute, Eagleton, its like a salon, there are only about 12 grad students a year in it, “fellows,” and she came and spent an afternoon with the 12 of us and was pretty obviously hating bush, she was just projecting when she said that.

@Promnight: Oh man that is funny, she sounds pretty awesome. It’s easy to see why she didn’t last long under Caligutard, wikipedia is full of gems like this:

Under her direction as the first director of the EPA under the Bush administration, in 2001 the EPA produced a report detailing the expected effects of global warming in each of the states in the United States. The report was dismissed by President Bush who called it the work of “the bureaucracy.”

And Norwich Terriers are the sweetest and most chill I’ve encountered.

@drinkyclown: Well, she’s a sane, old money republican, not many left. But still, they only seem nice in comparison to the fucktard fundie hordes they let take over their party. She’s one of the early adaptors when it came to privatization, and the tactic of letting the foxes guard the henhouses. We had a beautiful, incredible state Marina, a park, officially, a park facility, she sold it to Donald Fucking Trump, the short-fingered vulgarian, for nothing. She was a pioneer in cleansing voter rolls, too. But it was the privatization that was just beyond belief, She gave a private company our state’s EZ-pass contract, I researched this for a court challenge of the contract, what we were gonna pay the contractor (Chase Manhattan) was so much money, that if we just put that money in the bank, we could have eliminated tolls entirely and we would have collected more money in interest than we collect in tolls. Nowadays, NJ drivers pay tolls to fund paying the company that collects the tolls.

She privatized motor vehicle inspections. At the same time, had the law on inspections changed, so that you only had to get your car inspected every two years, instead of every year, Half as many inspections. The cost? Twice as much as the cost of the state run inspection stations. By my math, she quadrupled what we were paying for inspections, and paying it to a private for-profit company.

And don’t get me started on her school choice, voucher, and charter school initiatives, a deliberate attempt to destroy the public school system solely for the purpose of destroying the power of the Teachers union, which is about the most powerful political group in the state.

Oh, she’s evil, she invented Crony Capitalism.

She put a 35 year old republican toady of hers, who was her fucking driver during her campaign, on the Supreme Court. I lost my last law firm job over that, for writing an op-ed pieces bemoaning what a slap in the face it was to the many revered long term judges passed over for this callow hack. But the funny thing is, he turned out to be a great judge, wrote great opinions in criminal law upholding constitutional limitations on search and seizure, he turned out OK. Quit after 7 years to go make big bucks. Hey, I understand ticket-punching and patronage, but the fucking Supreme Court should not be treated as a patronage, resume-padding stop off.

And this all reminds me that if things turned out the way Bush planned, we’d have a Justice Gonzalez now. And he was one corrupt, incompetent shitbag. Give kudos to the blogosphere for that one, the MSM was gonna let the US Attorney purge die and TPM almost singlehandedly brought down Gonzalez.

@drinkyclown: I have a Cairn and a Westie. Cairns are jewels. But my westie is an extraordinary dog, beyond her breed, smartest dog ever. She watches TV, loves animal shows. My flat screen is on the wall of the living room, and a few feet to the right of it is a door to the laundry-utility room. She was watching a nature show one night, and there was a herd of zebras walking from left to right on the screen, and she apparently does not like zebras, was barking at them. After they walked off screen to the right, she jumped up and ran into the laundry room to find out where they had gone.

I had just gotten home from work yesterday and was changing in the master bedroom, upstairs in my house. She was excited and jumped up on my leg, and I said “down.” She ran to the stairs and ran downstairs.

I think she understands everything we say, and is frustrated we don’t understand her comments on the conversation.

@Promnight: Hmm, wow you are right I think that is my problem, the only face of the repub party I’ve seen has been the shrieky fundies and the smarmy salesmen that milk them for money and votes. Goldwater repubs seem so nice and rational, but I guess they’re probably capable of doing waaay more damage than the wingnuts. Weird, maybe it’s a good thing the Jeebus took over the GOP, because now it seems intent on eating itself alive! Hopefully they’ll go fuck themselves for good measure.

@drinkyclown: Hey, oppo on Christie was a large part of my life for a few years. As you can see, I can still unleash a torrent of abuse on her. I got a good line on her from those few hours with her, she was pretty unguarded, and I think it showed me the Bush family mindset too. Uber-elitist. They don’t think the “little people” matter, in her mind and the minds of Bushes, poor people, anyone not in their social set of inherited wealth and influence, the little people are just peons, incapable of understanding “the way these things work,” to her, and Bush, its “we tell them what they want to hear, they wouldn’t understand things anyway, then we do what we want because we know best.” Being from “good family” is oone of their highest values. The hatred of Clinton was pure class hatred, on the right. “Who does he think he is, the cheek of that fellow, he came from nothing.” Her attitude leaked out a hundred different ways, unconsciously. I have never been in the presence of someone so completely assured that she has a divine right to rule over the lower classes, the little people. Its so deeply ingrained in her its automatic, unconscious. Entitlement, this is the way the world works, people like me, people from the right background and family, we understand the world, we are supposed to be in charge.

Bring on the tumbrils.

@Promnight: Tumbrils, nice, man you guys make me look up so much stuff. I’d be lost without that right-click google search thing firefox does. Seriously, I learn so much from you and all the other folks here, I was so politically ignorant and apathetic until stumbling upon brand W back in the day, now american politics is like my favorite soap opera and there’s so much drama and crazy bullshit that I can’t stop watching!

@Promnight: My rule is, anyone who goes by three names is automatically an eeelitist.

Christine was just a kinder, friendlier version of Jimmy Whatt? But I’m glad she had the balls to cash out with her tell-some tome.

the poor dog is as sociopathic and evil as his family. think that’s a coincidence? uh, no. biting dogs are usually put down, they’re unstable, unpredictable and dangerous.
this varies from state to state. i had a case once where a dog bit someone in new jersey. they have a “one bite” rule. one bite, and it’s the green mile.
PA has a two bite rule. the vicious get one pass.
barney should be on the gurney next to his daddy.

this was some time ago and laws may have changed.
my job was to see to this dogs execution, but of course i couldn’t do it. i let him off with fines and 25k for pain and suffering.

the reporter should absolutely sue. he will win.
and how much fun would that be?
no doubt this was not barney’s first taste ‘o human.
and i want to see a televised trial with lame chimp testifying for his vicious dog.
hey, a girl can dream.

Nah, damn reporter didn’t know how to approach a dog. He got what he deserved.

Fingers should be pointed to the ground, to allow the dog to sniff you before extending the fingers into what could be a threatening position. If puppy was a cop, it would have been a justifiable tasing.

@CheapBoy:
the law disagrees, as do i.
a domesticated dog should NEVER bite unless attacked, provoked, protecting, etc. this dog was on a leash in full control of a handler (at a photo op, no less) handler should have known the temperment of his charge and told the reporter he “is unpredictable with strangers”, or something to that effect. of course it’s good sense, and manners to always ask the owner if you may pet their dog. and one should know how best to approach a dog, which the reporter clearly didn’t, but that is NOT justification for that wound he got.
you can’t sue a dog. you can’t sue a dog’s owner if the dog kills your dog, cat etc. but you CAN sue the owner of any dog that bites a human under these circumstances.
again…and wouldn’t that be fun to sue george over barney? and give george the death penalty. like al capone for tax evasion.

I have to agree with Baked about Barney. If a sane dog doesn’t want to be petted, they will bark or growl first (my dear departed dog did and most dogs I know did/do.) Barney Pearl Harbored the idiot reporter.

CheapBoy is correct though about the reporter’s poor approach. Palm up, fingers down is the best way to approach a new/strange dog.

Under the Federal Tort Claims Act, a federal employee (Chimpy) can be sued for an act or omission resulting in death or personal injury where such act or omission was negligent under the laws of the jurisdiction where it occurred. Someone should look into D.C. dog bite law to determine whether Chimps would be found liable under the law there. The FTCA is a limited express waiver of the sovereign immunity of the United States.

The Reuters reporter should in any event be advised to fill out a federal Form 95 describing the facts of the incident and stating the amount sought in damages. The form is then filed with the appropriate federal agency or office for mandatory administrative review (note: do not skip this step). Control of the matter is then assumed by the United States and is taken out of the hands of the federal employee; the United States would be substituted as the defendant in any litigation. The agency often settles at this point if the claim has merit. If not the claimant is informed that the claim has been denied and that the claimant may then sue, although the failure rate for an action in such circumstances is quite high.

@redmanlaw:
i doubt any of these cases go to trial, excepting profound injury or death, but still…wouldn’t it be high comedy for chimpy to be found liable?

@baked: Another part of the analysis is whether the act or omission occurred within the course and scope of the federal employee’s duties. Owning a dog in itself is not negligent, but bringing an out out control frothing at the mouth, requires military escort little cur into an press event- which falls within the course and scope of the employee’s duties – filled with strangers may be. I smell settlement.

@baked: I saw the reporter on Rachel’s show last night, making light of it, and as someone who worked with trial lawyers for years, all I thought was, “No, no, no, you moron. You’re screwing up any potential suit! Don’t talk to the media until you talk to your attorney, who can hold a press conference outside the hospital where you’re recovering from the traumatic, vicious attack.”

@Mistress Cynica:
@redmanlaw:
of course that scent is settlement! i’m just fantasizing, and yes cyn!
i was screaming the same thing at the tv!! what an idiot!!
and did you hear the end of the clip when the woman wrangling barney says TWICE, “barney’s been snapping at everyone today!” and “antibiotics? hahaha!” idiots.

cynica, are you on pacific time?

Jeeze, its like law school again, everybody showing off how they can lawyerize everything up. Ya couldn’t say anything, anything at all, about anything, without someone saying “thats an interesting potential tort cause of action” and someone else pontificating back. Cut it out, it makes my brain bleed.

@baked: If the fuckwit reporter had his wits about him, he would have fallen to the pavement and writhed in paid, screaming he knows his dying and calling for a lawyer.

@baked: Caligutard is liable for abusing the animal into a state of perpetual rage.

What, next we gonna start calling each other “counsellor” and “my learned colleague.” Gag me.

All the fault of you lawyer types that our freedoms is disappearing. There’s no fucking see-saws anywhere anymore, kids these days grow up never seeing one, except those lame-ass ones with the springs, fuck that shit. You ain’t never had no fun till you jump off the seesaw on some chump’s ass. You learn what love is going up and down on a teeter totter looking into the smiling face of your first little girlfriend in the schoolyard, and its up and down from then on, too. You fucking took that away from the kids, and now what?

And now you sayin’ a man don’t have the right to own a fucking badass dog? What the fuck else a dog for? Shit, you saying a man don’t have the right to own some little pussy-ass dog if the dog likes to nip, thats just fucking insane. Fucking dogs allowed to be grumpy, dog can make a mistake, fuck, you lawyers wanno go suing and killing the damn dog, shit, man, fuck that.

I’m practicing my ebonics.

mr promnight, esquire

first of all, i didn’t have the dog killed, and it was a win win win in the case i was involved in. and you’re acusing ME of being lawyery?
i bailed eons ago. and where and what are you doing exactly right now?
settle down, take a pill, and read your hotmail, counselor.

no, a man (or women) cannot own a “bad ass dog” that is willing to bite people. uh uh. no.

I’m all for finding any or all avenues to pursue Chimpy and his cronies to the ends of the earth. And I appreciate that there are lawyerly stinquers out there who, in a pinch, would undoubtedly do their best to help me out in an *incident* of my own.

But I still feel bad for the dog in this case. The reporter and (prolly) the camerawoman sounded like they were making fun-fun of Barney, kind of like choosing the scrawny kid on the playground to pick on after their kickball team won at recess. I mean christ, the day after Hope ™ and the best a reuters reporter can do is taunt a dog – and film it?

Oh, and I had an adorable shepherd mix mutt when I lived in Nicaragua, the sweetest thing on this planet except when my neighbor scaled his wall to steal limes from my tree. She’d go ape-shit barking, put up with that for months we did, until one morning she didn’t come in for her kibbles ‘n entrails breakfast and I found her lifeless body curled up under the lime tree, the poison still in her mouth. I hate fuckers who fuck with dogs.

@nabisco: My brother-in-law’s neighbors accidentally poisoned one of his dogs with antifreeze after accidentally running over another with their car. Anyone who would do such a thing is completely unhinged.

@nabisco:
thanks beeesko, you have just put the cherry on top of my rotten day.
how did you not poison the neighbor?

@Prommie:

All the fault of you lawyer types

Hey, Prom. Hey. Calm blue ocean. It’s ok.

@baked: Even better. First, when I (mostly) recovered and got a new puppy, I took that dog every day for a walk in front of his house where he’d take a nice steaming puppy dump. Two things about developing countries: you don’t walk dogs, and you don’t clean up after those dogs you don’t walk.

Second, I had a friend of a friend declare him persona non grata and he was gone in three months. Heh.

@nabisco: Oh, no! Poor doggeh. Poor Nabeesko.

@nabisco: Denounce him. That would have been my solution.

@JNOV: I was a wreck for months. Good thing the rum was cheap and plentiful.

@redmanlaw: He had plentiful cheap rum as well, and I was a-skeered he kept armas. I just worked some backchannels with Ortega’s peeps, and he was gone.

@nabisco: I’m sure. What a fucking horrible thing to do to a dog. Over some limes. It makes my heart heavy.

@JNOV: I think a person from a different culture, who for example, kills his own own chickens, might be reacting to more than some limes, they might be thinking, “what is this, they coddle these dogs like they are people, let them bark and run around, what the hell is this?” A person from a different culture might think our attitude towards our pets simply bizarrre.

Oh, the guy was a total shit, it was not fogrgiveable, but I do just hope Ortega’s people didn’t hurt him, that his life wasn’t ruined.

@Promnight: My step-grandfather, a farmer who not only killed his own chickens but also slaughtered his own hogs, would never poison a dog. He accidentally killed his dog when he was pulling the mowing blade on the tractor, and he cried like a baby. You don’t poison someone’s dog so you can steal their limes. As much as I’m for cultural sensitivity, this case doesn’t pass the laugh test. Once again, I appreciate your efforts to educate me.

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