Face off: M. Gunderson v Palin

You betcha!

You betcha!

The latest communique from the next Vice President of the United States (h/t Sully):

That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

Christ.

Look: it would be entirely too obvious to reference Miss South Carolina’s message of hope to U.S. Americans. So follow me under the fold to a competition that Sarah Palin can actually win. Marge Gunderson takes on Tailbunny in a cage match.

Spousal Nicknames
Marge Gunderson: Norm “Son Of A” Gunderson.
Sarah Palin: Todd “First Dude” Palin.
Winner: Palin.

Spousal Hobbies
Margie: Stamp artist.
Tailbunny: Snow machines.
Winner: Gunderson. People are going to need all those little stamps when the Post Office raises the rates. Plus — they are called snowmobiles.

Spousal Assists
Margie: Making some eggs, jumping the Prowler, provision of Arby’s.
Palin: Advice on oil deals.
Winner: Push.

Seven-month Pregnancies, Visual Evidence Of
Margie: Obvious.
Palin: Not obvious.
Winner: Gunderson.

Memorable Question
Margie: “Was he funny lookin’ apart from that?”
Palin: “In what respect, Charlie?”
Winner: Gunderson.

Creepy Friend
Margie: Mike Yanagita.
Palin: The Geezer.
Winner: Palin. Mike Yanagita’s source of the crazy is much less dramatic than the Geezer’s.

Astonishing Find
Margie: (tie) Tan Sierra, woodchipper.
Palin: Russia.
Winner: Gunderson.

VERDICT: Gunderson squeaks by with the win.

6 Comments

You did it! All by yourself! Yayyyyyy!

Yes, yes — I am not completely useless.

I will note that I could have gone off about how Geezer completely screwed the deal, and got Richard Shelby (R-Bama) and others to go along with screwing the deal, in order to give him a talking point tomorrow. But that would have caused me too much psychic trauma.

What about killing and field-dressing mooses?

@rptrcub: Edwina Meese. Hot librarian cousin to Hedwig of the Rangy Pinch.

@chicago bureau: Please edumacate me on how exactly saving the bankers’ asses is a good thing for me. I understand as much as any media-addict about the ensuing credit crunch, but really, don’t we all need a big shake-em-up about how our economy really functions? I say let the finance “industry” tank, they do not value-add anything, the “growth” they provided to the ‘conofme is purely fictitious, and yes even if their downfall will have rippling effects we all need to wake up to a world where infinite growth is NOT what we all consider a Good Thing. Of course I’m not holding my breath on that one, but…

I see this as another example of how our reality is shaped by a severe curtailing of the parameters of debate. Reminds me of the rush to war on Iraq.

Personally, I continue to receive pre-approved credit swindle offers in the mail almost daily, and I’m not one of the masters of the universe, just someone who pays my bills. Of course if I lose my job the shit hits the fan, but somehow I doubt the guvmint’s gonna help me out much in that situation.

And my lizard brain wants to see not only the Wall Street fucks but also their enablers, the the David Brooks and Tom Fucking Friedmans strung up and pelted with rotten US American dollars. And their dicks painted with molasses just before a herd of hungry swine are poked with sharp sticks into the cage.

Pedonator: Even with the limits on CEO pay to the highest paid government official, that is still $400k per year. Boo fucking hoo.

But, as best as I can tell — I am not an economist, I just play one on teevee — I can see benefits in a bailout. If the big banks can’t cover and fail, then you have a couple of big banks left — Chase, B of A, Wells Fargo, and that’s just about it. That’s no good — a banking monopoly (more than we have now, even) will suck large.

The FDIC is designed to handle a few failures now and then. Like any insurance outfit, the premiums going in are, at least, enough to cover outlays. Bank failures left and right will put strain on the FDIC, to the point where a bank panic is all but unavoidable.

Meanwhile, with no money to lend to risky outfits, you’ll probably see Ford go under, along with a bunch of other big employers who are neck-deep in debt. This is not to say that Ford doesn’t deserve to go under, as Ford’s ass has been kicked consistently for the past three decades. But plants close, tens of thousands get put out of work, secondary businesses in factory towns (nearby grocery stores, hot dog stands, etc. etc.) shutter. There is a very real risk that a vicious cycle could get started.

By no means does this mean that we need to pass a bailout tomorrow, or do anything that Dubya says, simply because he says so. (If he says so, it is probably good enough reason not to do what he says.) But I think that we are hogtied here. They don’t deserve a bailout. They may just get one from you and me, in order to keep the economy from self-destructing. None of this is fair. The culprits will get away with murder. Plus ca change.

@chicago bureau: Thanks, Chicago — and I assume you are in no way affiliated with the Chicago School of economics — but I still don’t see why I should pony up.

The FDIC insures holdings at “normal” banks up to $100K. Not many of us have more than that, and those with means spread it out. The real issue is the investment banks, well, I guess there won’t be many of those left after the Last Two tuck their tails between their legs and convert to something more regulated.

Those with really, really extraordinary means are incredibly diversified and invested in stocks, bonds, currencies, gold, etc. Their accounts will do as well as they deserve to. Those invested in real enterprises that produce real goods and such shouldn’t have a problem, other than the general slowdown of the infinite-growth economy.

I see this as an opportunity to cut the deadwood (i.e. Ford, GM, etc.) from the economy, force us to live within our means — or more appropriately, begin to assess the carrying capacity of our resources — suffer some long-overdue pain (pain being the thing that tells you the body is in danger) and move on.

Even with the bailout tens or hundreds of thousands will be out of work, likely including myself. Perhaps we could use this time for introspection, and think about what is truly valuable in a material and emotional sense, for our true well-being. Maybe we’d discover that the only worthwhile efforts in life are providing food, shelter and art, some balanced set of activities that keep us whole physically and psychologically…

HA HA! JUST KIDDING! We now return to the “debates” about the swindle package, brought to you by Nurdles! The wholesome feed-pellets of the global economy. Nurdles! If you don’t know what they are, they aren’t creating a continent-sized dead zone in the Pacific Ocean!

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