It’s FUCKFACE! TIME! ON! THE! TV!

Who are the tokens with trump’s token wife?

Can they please turn Chris Matthews’ mic down? They have some sort of mixing board, right?

Shit, he doesn’t even need a mic, and he gives Philadelphians a bad name.

YOU LIE!

This is surreal.

How long until he talks about the election?

How long before he goes off Bannon’s script?

Grab Sotomayor by the pussy!

Oh wow

How come Black History Month is the shortest month of the year?

I mean, we get a gimme day every four years, but still. That’s kind of bullshit.

Light up the world in a nuclear holocaust.

Ryan’s got some jug ears.

CHICAGO! DRINK!

What is he sucking on?

vomit

Oh – the hiring freeze has already increased our local VBA backlog to 100,000 claims.

We’re back on mandatory overtime.

AND INCREASED THE DISABLED VETERANS’ WAIT TIME FOR BENEFITS LIKE ADAPTED HOUSING, AUTOMOBILES, AID AND ATTENDANCE. WTF?

FUCK YOU

FUCK! FACE!

FUCK! FACE!

FUCK! FACE!

You have killed WA – the whole state – by withdrawing from the TPP.

Elizabeth Warren should kick in his teeth.

Well, SSDD except he’s staying on script and has a few more adjectives.

There’s something about saying that he’s doing what The American People want, and I’m like, I don’t want any of that shit. His People. Not the majority of the people who voted.

And people picking up their kids at the bustop.

I think we should have four walls and a roof.

Nauseous.

YOU ARE FUCKING EXTREMIST

I can’t wait until you’re gone.

How will we know now that energy companies can send $ overseas to unknown countries?

For all we know, Sun Oil Co could be sending duckets to Yemen.

SO LET’S SEND MORE KIDS TO THE FRONT LINES!

CHICAGO!

I have no idea what he just said

Laying the groundwork for martial law! (Kidding.) WHAT?

VOICE? WHAT WHAT

Victims of Immigrant Crime Enforcement

OMG – Ryan Owens? OMG

IT WAS NOT HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL!

I hate this man so much.

SHAME SHAME

Tasteless

I bet Ryan would have liked to break other records than the longest posthumous standing O.

I don’t salute the flag. Shit – no one does out of uniform

And that god thing? no

I thought he said “hoax” and not “hopes”

GTFO so we can get to the rebuttal!

Beshear is boring

I don’t think they know what “fair trade” means.

Oh, c’mon Chucky! You know that response was a giant piece of vanilla cardboard.

I finally got mailchimp to communicate with squarespace and I managed to unlock and verify fucking G Suite or whatever by inserting some sort of CNAME but I couldn’t export my contacts from mail into a fucking csv or xls doc so I had to enter 30 contacts by fucking hand into mailchimp to make a stupid mailing list because the damn requests were going to my mac mail account but now they go straight to mailchimp that sends a captcha and I’m going to bed feeling totally lit AF.

@JNOV: You auditioning for my intern or something?

@nojo: Paid?

@JNOV: The value of experience is incalculable.

@nojo: OH JESUS CHRIST THE STUPID EMAIL I SENT TO THE LIST HAS MY FULL NAME AND ADDRESS IN THE FUCKING FOOTER

Oh – not my name but my home address. Great.

@JNOV: You’re fired.

@nojo: heh – I’ll get a PO Box tomorrow.

If I don’t get axe murdered first.

Oh, so while I was busy sending my address to the serial killer, SESSIONS GOT CAUGHT?!?! OMG! So fucking happy!

Saved by the kite-surfing unicorn.

I wish baked were here to see this shit.

@JNOV: My two biggest worries, besides the obvious, were Flynn and Sessions. We’ll see how this plays out, but at least we’re beyond Trump’s ability to read from a teleprompter.

@nojo: I’m so glad this is the headline, not “Dead Navy Seal Gets Longest Standing Ovation Ever.” I’m heartbroken. Despicable.

“Borscht trucks on every corner.”

-Russians for Trump

Comrade Sessions. Holy shit. RepubliKKKans will do absolutely anything for munnie and power, including conspiring with a hostile foreign power, lying to CONgress, and committing treason.

@JNOV: Having NOT watched the STFU and just from reading news accounts, I’m unable to understand why Dead Seal’s widow would put herself in the position to be used as a political prop by the craven psychopath who sent her husband to his death. Her world was just destroyed. I don’t understand these people. At. All.

@¡Andrew!:
Kouldn’t have happened to a better Komrade/Klansman.

@¡Andrew!:
Grief and fame do strange things to people.

@ManchuCandidate: What you did there, I see it.

Over/under on this sinking Sessions like it did Flynn? I’m pessimistic.

@mellbell: I’m not pessimistic as such, but I wanna see how it it plays out. Every day it’s in the news increases the odds.

@mellbell: I know people say this all the time, but suhweet jeezus can you even imagine if Obama and his cabinet waltzed into office with inexplicable ties to Vladimir Putin and Russian intelligence?? There would’ve been a RepubliKKKan racist riot that’d have burned the country to the ground.

And a bonus:
Twitler: “Healthcare is hard!”
Anyone who’s ever spent hours on the phone with their insurance company being transferred to three different customer service reps just to find out how much you’ll have to pay out of pocket for a procedure or read through dozens of drug formulary pages to figure out how much your prescription will cost could’ve told you that, you stupid, fast food gorging dumbfuck.

@¡Andrew!: As someone who’s been dealing with parental Medicare/Medicaid/Advantage the past six months, I’m not looking forward to getting old.

Except for the part where the copay on a five-figure bill is like twenty bucks. That part I can deal with.

@¡Andrew!: @nojo:
I just wave my gubbimnet issued card. The end. Single payer.

I thought privatized Healthcare was supposed to be efficient…
My asshole/idiot US Amercia former surgeon Trumpkin uncle bitched to my mom about the horror of single payer. I would rather depend on the surgeons here than an incompetent asshole like him. Hence former surgeon.

@ManchuCandidate: It’s extremely efficient–at Reverse Robinhooding munnie from the poor and giving it to the rich at the top of the scam. Those appalling, supermarket-sized houses aren’t just gonna buy and sell themselves, you know.

@ManchuCandidate: In December I went to my HMO’s onsite pharmacy, and they charged me three times as much as they should have. When I called them on it, they told me that they didn’t have my coverage plan in their computer system. Let that sink in for a minute.

They didn’t have their own coverage plan, that I pay them for, in their own computer system, at an onsite pharmacy that I couldn’t have used if I weren’t an HMO member in the first place.

It was really hard not to type that in all caps.

@nojo: When trying to figure out anything healthcare bill-related, I always hear the Miss Scarlett ending from Clue: One plus two plus one plus two plus one plus one plus one…

@ManchuCandidate: Damn your Socialist Paradise and Jailbait PM to hell.

@mellbell: So the way this stuff works is drip-drip-drip, each detail being a spur to the next news cycle. This is why you’re supposed to dump everything at once and get it over with, but nobody ever does.

Each drip is also a distraction from whatever positive news you’re trying to push — like, say, the warm glow of a “successful” teleprompter read. That lasted all of 24 hours, during which the revised Muslim Ban was delayed, so as not to disrupt the pundit fellatio.

Right now I’d give even odds that Sessions will survive, depending what the next drip or two brings.

@¡Andrew!: Lol. Love that movie.

And, Sessions calling a press conference. Resignation doubtful, but whatever he says will keep things dripping another day.

@nojo: Will it be in both English and Russian?

@¡Andrew!: You win the day. I’m tapping out.

The word for the day is “recuse”.

Drip, drip, drip…

Dan Rather has another beautiful metaphor:”The fuse is lit…”

Jeff Sessions Spits In Face Of FBI Interrogator Trying To Get Him To Turn On Trump

“I’m not gonna crack, so you G-men can threaten me with whatever the hell you want—you’re just wasting your time. I’ll fucking die before I flip, so you got the balls to kill me?”

At press time, Sessions had reportedly begun to break down and was frantically divulging everything he knew after agents asked him how long he thought he would last on the inside with all the people he had helped put away on marijuana charges over the years.

RUSSIAN spotted at FUCK FACE’S whatever that was last Tuesday.

@¡Andrew!: Speaking of which, Comey might be tied up in this somehow. Not that he’s “involved”, but he ain’t helping.

@nojo: RML said FBI is Team Trump, and CIA is Team Hillary, and then there’s this winner from Ted Cruz.

I’d like to see Sessions back in front of the Judiciary Committee, especially because the Rs cut the hearing short.

@JNOV:
Ted Cruz continues to be a slimy chickenshit rat fuck extraordinaire.

@JNOV: Definitely the FBI New York office; don’t know whether that involves other regions.

And, to date, the take on Comey is that he’s in way over his head, in terms of the politics of the office. (Everyone finds him guilty of naive misjudgment, not Hooveresque manipulation.) He’s refusing to release some information to Congress, but for all I know he thinks that’s a “principled” stand.

Also, it’s not so much that the CIA is Team Hillary, but they have soooooo much dirt on Trump’s Russian entanglements, in part because one of the players is a mole the CIA turned after he bilked old folks out of ungodly sums of cash.

It’ll all make a great yarn, presuming we survive it.