A Frog Sitting on a Bench Like a Human
This is a frog sitting on a bench like a human. We are presenting a frog sitting on a bench like a human because the Bible has some definitive things to say about frogs, whether or not they are sitting on benches like humans.
What does the Bible have to say about sitting-on-a-bench-like-a-human-optional frogs? Things like “I will smite all thy borders with frogs” (Exodus 8:2). And “He sent divers sorts of flies among them, which devoured them; and frogs, which destroyed them” (Psalms 78:45). And “Their land brought forth frogs in abundance, in the chambers of their kings” (Psalms 105:30). And “I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet” (Revelation 16:13).
You could say that the Bible offers very specific details about frogs, whether or not they choose to sit on benches like humans. And you would be correct.
Ross Douthat is not a frog, although we imagine that Ross Douthat has sat on a bench like a human at one time or another during his life. And while we do not know what Ross Douthat thinks of frogs, or frogs sitting on benches like humans, we do know what Ross Douthat thinks the Bible says about gay people:
Gay relationships may be unitive in some sense, but they are not unitive in the male-female, difference-reunited sense that the Biblical narrative strongly suggests that God intended sex to be.
We also know something else Ross Douthat thinks the Bible says about gay people:
Gay people can bear and rear children, but they cannot bear and rear them in accordance with what the Biblical narrative suggests is God’s original intention for the reproduction of the human race.
And we also know this: We can say definitively what the Bible says about frogs. Ross Douthat can only say what he thinks the Bible strongly suggests about gay people.
We have a strong suggestion for Ross Douthat: Go sit on a fucking bench like a fucking human until you can get your fucking story straight. Because people who make up stories about the Bible are heretics.
Bad Religion [Slate, via Sully]