GOP Fields Drunk and Arsonist, Suspected Sex-Crimes Convict in Minnesota Congressional Primary

Minnesota GOP caucus organizes its elections strategy earlier this year at a meeting in St. Paul, where party leaders mourned the lack of really qualified GOP candidates with convictions for necrobestiality and cannibalism.

The twisted madhouse that is the Republican party never fails to astound with the legion of psychopathic grotesques that the party sends to stump for office these days in an apparent intramural contest to eclipse the babbling, nonsensical performance of barking mad christofascist end-timer and swindler Sarah ‘Talibunny’ Palin.

Such is the case with the 4th Congressional District (Minnesota) GOP primary in which the party was only able to field a fugitive from justice living in Europe and an unapologetic drunk and hate monger, most likely because the party apparatus was unable to locate candidates with convictions for necrobestiality and cannibalism, signal characteristics indicative of a true GOP party stalwart.

The Republican party’s own choice for the 4th this year is Theresa Collett, a completely out of control drunk, stopped twice at least for dangerous, boozed-out driving.  If you find yourself between this besotted psychofascist and a bottle of rubbing alcohol at the drug store, get the fuck out of the way, fast.  Collett was bagged at least once in 2006 and in 2008 for alcohol related driving crimes.  Collett remains at large, driving virtual ballistic weapons and advocating for the crucifixion of homosexuals, a nearly perfect GOP candidate except for her failure to eat human flesh and fuck dead animals. The Minnesota Independent revealed recently:

Collett is a law professor at the University of St. Thomas and has testified at the Minnesota Capitol that if same-sex marriage is legalized, pastors and religious parents will be arrested for opposing those weddings. She’s also been part of legal actions in several states aimed at making abortion illegal.

Her challenger in the GOP primary is accused arsonist and sex criminal Jack Shepard,  another party stalwart living as a fugitive in Italy, except for his unusual omission to openly advocate for the crucifixion of homosexuals. In fact, Shepard is actively developing a platform that would apparently allow homosexuals to omit being gassed and thrown from train trestles, a central platform position of the Collett campaign, which explains why his candidacy was not endorsed by the party leadership.

Not that Shepard didn’t have real potential otherwise. He has reportedly been accused of sex crimes, as well, though apparently with human beings. Minnesota Public Radio dug up an old St Paul Pioneer clips that gives the low-down on Shepard: “The Pioneer Press’ Pat Sweeney reported in 2004 that “Hennepin County authorities said they believe the candidate is a former Minneapolis dentist who had already been convicted of criminal sexual conduct and drug possession when he was accused of arson in 1982.”

Yes, clearly, a man with the kind of record for criminal mayhem that the GOP has always recruited. Shepard’s downfall is his Bolshevik positions completely at odds with contemporary GOP politics. Shepard doesn’t have what it takes to advocate for a deathwish dystopian society based on twisted interpretations of Jesus’ teachings, perpetual war, genocide and final and conclusive murder of the environment.

No matter how many building he burns to the ground or anesthetized patients he rapes, this guy will never measure up to psychojesufascist Collett’s standards and the party’s measures for political adherence to the GOP politics of hate, rage and senseless violence.