Never Mind.

If she wanted to achieve a level of outrage that could make history and, arguably, participatory performance art, she should have sponsored an “Everybody Draw Mohammed Blowing a Donkey Day”.

Speaking of fatwas, don’t fuck with Steve Jobs.

@SanFranLefty: At least they didn’t kick him to death.

@SanFranLefty: So much for the lost IPhone being a plant.

@SanFranLefty: Well, don’t steal and publicize trade secrets and expect to be treated like you’re blowing the lid on Chinese factory conditions. I’m quite happy to see Denton crap his pants over this one.

@nojo: Think he’s called his insurance carrier yet?

@Dodgerblue: If I remember the details correctly, Denton got his legal advice from Gawker’s CFO, who may be a lawyer, but has no familiarity with California law.

Also, Giz went full douchebag on the kid who lost the phone, which was completely irrelevant to their scoop. (And right now we have only Giz’s word that the phone was “lost” in the first place, and not swiped during the engineer’s birthday party at the bar.)

It’s because of that I’m perfectly happy to see Denton roast over this. The hapless engineer deserved better than to be named in public.

@Dodgerblue: Oh, here we go, from SFL’s Giz link:

According to Gaby Darbyshire, COO of Gawker Media LLC, the search warrant to remove these computers was invalid under section 1524(g) of the California Penal Code.

It was Gaby who signed off on the original purchase and post. I’ve seen no indication that Gaby is licensed to practice in California.

@nojo: Paying $5K for something that you know damned well doesn’t belong to the seller, then publicizing it to the world, isn’t a really bright idea. I can see the insurance carrier blowing off coverage on the theory that this was an intentional act, in which case Denton ought to be sweating bullets over whether the legal barriers between Gawker Media and his own personal assets are vulnerable. That’s one thing you don’t want to cheap-screw when setting up a business.

@nojo: That’s just one of his problems. Receiving stolen property is another. You could probably write a law review essay on the intellectual property violations that just occurred.

@nojo and Dodgerblue: Gaby doesn’t come up in the California State Bar registry, nor is she licensed in New York. You’ll notice her British legal education in her bio and her British spellings in her email to the Gizmodo editor.

@Dodgerblue: Case in point: Engadget was also offered the phone, and passed.

Engadget is owned by AOL, which I think is still owned by Time Warner. Better lawyers.

@SanFranLefty: That’s what I thought, but it’s been a week since I read the details.

And just to broaden the scope, the original British version of “State of Play” is a lot of fun. It’s something like a transplanted version of All the President’s Men, where checkbook journalism is an accepted practice.

@nojo: Not to mention, it’s unclear whether the law has caught up with technology enough for a blogger to invoke journalist protections. For example, Josh Wolf served almost a year in the federal pen for refusing to turn over footage he shot at some protests in Ess Eff (on a totally ridiculous trumped-up federal grand jury investigation into a broken taillight on a SFPD squad car).

@SanFranLefty: Let the “solicitor” jokes begin.

@Dodgerblue: Is it the solicitors or the barristers who wear the wacky 18th Century wigs? I should know this given the number of times I’ve watched A Fish Called Wanda, but I always forget.

And to your point about not taking the cheap route out when setting up your corporation – instead of hiring a buddy from England, it probably makes sense to hire as your VP of Legal someone who is admitted to practice law in at least one state.

@SanFranLefty: I think SCOTUS or somebody is dealing with the blogger/journalist thing right now. Or recently dealt with it, and not to the advantage of bloggers.

But I don’t think you get journalist protection in a case like this. Apple is not the government, and a stolen prototype iPhone isn’t an expose of factory conditions or other corporate malfeasance. All Giz did was give Apple’s competitors a sixty-day head start in picking apart the details.

@SanFranLefty: I’m going to guess the barristers wear the wigs, since the barristers do the standup in court. Solicitors are glorified paralegals.

@nojo: I thought the solicitors wrote up contracts and stuff. I need to review the Rumpole series.

@nojo: It was the 9th Circuit, in Wolf’s case. And I don’t think the Giz thing hinges on whether or not he’s a journalist – like you and Dodger have pointed out, there are much bigger issues at stake. Not only are they in a world of hurt with Apple’s legal department coming after them, but I’m waiting to see whether it’s the feds or San Mateo County that is going after them criminally.

It was a colossally stupid thing for them to do.

and yes, you’re right on the solicitor/barrister thing.

@SanFranLefty: Apple’s been quiet, beyond the letter asking for the phone back.

The criminal investigation is being run by San Mateo County through an interagency “Raid Enforcement Allied Computer Team”. Given the five-grand payment, felony charges are on the table.

@SanFranLefty:

Does she do dental work on the side?

@nojo: Given a 17-agency task force is aggressively pursuing the leak of Apple’s intellectual property info, maybe they can go after who outed Valerie Plame next.

@SanFranLefty:

Nice to know that all it takes is a purloined iPhone for Big Gummit to jump into action, instead of, you know, war crimes and stuff.

@SanFranLefty: We know the answer to that, but Obama won’t pursue it.

An English lawyer. How too divine. Such a good choice. Quick! Let’s toast some crumpets! Who’s got the Cad’s Paste?

One’s solicitor takes one’s case to a barrister who then argues it before the bench in wig and gown. If I remember aright when one becomes a judge one dons silks. Unless that’s a jockey. Anyhoo. They (barristers) are expressly forbidden to wave their arms around or appeal to the jury’s emotion by using dramatic intonations. But solicitors are much more than paralegals.

Steve Jobs would not lower himself to comment on this sordid farrago in public. He merely thinks instructions to the iThinks embedded in his assistants’ brains and they do the dirty work. Such gizmos will be available to the gadget buying public just as soon as Apple finds a way to stop them exploding when embeddee views porn on his iPad.

@Benedick:

I did not know that tiny island had lawyers! Imagine! Are they real courts or are they more of a cargo-cult thing?

@SanFranLefty: I used to work for an English solicitor. Basically, they can do anything except argue in court. Some of them, like the guy I worked for, wouldn’t dream of dirtying their hands in court when they could do wills and trust for rich people all day. He also did some corporate work, but looked upon litigation as something best left to those willing to get down in the gutter and fight.

@Mistress Cynica: This would be me: those willing to get down in the gutter and fight.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: I know! It’s brill! No but srsly, it’s a whole magna charta doodah thingy. They are real courts but it’s more G&S.

“When I was a lad I went to sea,
And got fucked by the bo’suns of the Queen’s navy”

Anyhoo. They all do scrumping and then they drink port after the mems are gone they relive the siege of Pondicherry. Meanwhile their sons rob Britannia blind while shoving the Stone of Scone up their nose on the overnight flight to Abba Dabba.

@Benedick:

Oh, I remember that thing. Magna Carta. Written in your charming patois. It’s good to know you contributed to American culture somehow.

“A wand’ring catimite, a thing of rags, and patches…”

@Benedick: Does anyone know Limey-Jive who can translate this?

Brill, I know, Magna Charta thingy, OK, scrumping? After the memsahibs are gone, ah, after the boss is gone, they drink port and replay some battle in India somewhere?

I think I got something about doing cocaine on the plane to Dubai, but thats all I got.

@Promnight:

He’s talking about mock turtle soup recipes.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Oh, of course, how could I miss that, smack me for a fool.

TJ/ Remember Code Red from A Few Good Men. Yeah, well, it happens and is happening to a friend of mine in Kirkuk — scroll down to his tweets from about 5 hours ago and go up. He’s basically put a big ass target on himself by opening his mouth, but maybe he can find protection if enough people pay attention to what he’s saying. They’ve beat the shit out of his roommate, taken their weapons, and he thinks he’s next. He must be extremely frightened to decide to go public.

I’ve called the Red Cross, the Army Chaplain’s office, told him to contact his unit’s chaplain, the IG, EEO and DOD. Please consider following him on Twitter.

@Original Andrew: Exactly. Plus, SEC suck, when they aren’t wasting taxpayer dollars surfing porn.

@Benedick: even attempting to watch porn on the pad seems to invoke some special Apple prohibition.

@Promnight: is scrumping anything like shrimping?

Sent from my iPad…

@Promnight: Darling.

Brill = Brilliant = Super plus good. A lower middle class locution that has bled upwards and downwards.

Magna Charta is correct spelling of the law doodad of yore. If one spells it ‘Carta’ one wonders if one has been to an altogether top-flight school.

‘Scrumping’. An old Kentish expression to denote the pillaging of the gentry’s apple trees when fruit is ripe and breeches are rotten with leaking man seed. Used satirically to mock the gentry of yore sweating over a bottle of port while boasting of their military exploits against wogs.

Their grandsons robbed the country blind while over-restoring fieldstone barns raised by Royalists to shelter the crop from Cromwell’s marauders.

@JNOV: Why did you, an avowed atheist, waste your time on the chaplains? Military chaplains aren’t worth fuck, and you know that. And apparently they don’t realize that religious folks have some sort of penitent-priest privilege, and blab to commanding officers about the fears and worries and concerns and cheating wives stateside of the enlisted guys so it can be used against them in psychological torture. Or at least a certain FUCKING CHAPLAIN on a remote base on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border did that and he made life even fucking worse for someone I love who is stationed there.

Contact Huffington Post or another media outlet. The DOD could give a shit.

@JNOV: I’m sorry /not so sorry / your friend has tweeted himself out of a career in the military.

@Dodgerblue: Pierce the veil!

Addendum.

mem = my good lady wife. aka mem sahib. what the dusky natives in Pondicherry called Cynthia before the swamp fever got her.

Stone of Scone (pronounced Scoon) brought by James the 1st of England 5th of Scotland, commisioner of the fave fundie Bible the KJV and a great steaming raging homo. Was stored under the ceremonial throne in Westminster Abby till Sean Connery put on his kilt and took it home.

The arab thing? Well who doesn’t fly 1st on Emirates?

@SanFranLefty: Uh. I’ve had different experiences with the chaplains. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

@Pedonator: I think he’s trying to tweet himself out of an asswhupping or not-so-accidental suicide.

@SanFranLefty: We also learned today that Apple sits on the steering committee for that task force. A story on Yahoo News suggests that inappropriate influence may be at work.

The Yahoo story was written by John Cook. Who, as of a few weeks ago, was in the employ of Nick Denton. Which isn’t mentioned in the story.

There’s some kind of perfect storm in all this: Everybody writing about the story is tangentially involved in some way.

@JNOV: I mean why would you — of all people — put any hope in religious leaders doing the right thing. That’s what I mean. I’m thrilled you had good experiences with military chaplains but my bud has now had bad experiences with two of them (one stateside, one in Central Asia).

But given your vocal history of complete hostility to organized religion and any expression of faith or belief by others, I’m surprised – frankly, I’m gobsmacked – that you would suddenly rely on chaplains and Jeebus to ride to rescue your friend. Especially chaplains employed by the Army.

@SanFranLefty: I’m grasping at straws, and my experience has been that the chaplain’s office was a safe haven for believers and atheists alike when you don’t know where to turn. They can be a valuable resource of non-religious information when no one else will help you. He’s is in serious trouble, and when the chain of command fails you, chaplains often help out minus the Jeebus business. I guess I’m in keep-this-guy-alive mode and not militant-atheist mode right now.

People walk buy him and grab his genitals. People jab broom handles into his crotch while he sleeps. He’s having a rough time dealing with the rapey and murdery comments other soldiers are making, and they kicked the shit out of his roommate and are laying the ground work to make it appear that if something happens to either of them, they committed suicide. They’ve relieved them of all weapons. They are fucked.

@Benedick: Papers, please.

@JNOV:
Understood, I read his Twitter feed. Good luck to him getting the hell out of there.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Written in Latin, if I am not mistaken. King John, son of the fearsome and fearsomely gay Richard the Lion Hearted, was a total fuckup and the barons got tired of being taxed for nothing. Pretty much as soon as they hied their baronial backsides outside the gates of London, John reneged on the whole thing. Hilarity ensued.

@nojo: Acting as in-house counsel is not considered “practicing law,” and there is no requirement that an in-house be admitted to the bar.

I hate this new propaganda-speak about this very recent creation called “intellectual property.” Ideas have never ever been considered property under the law, and it has never been the role of the police to enforce those laws which do grant some rights to trade secrets and patentable inventions and copyrights.

Ideas are free. The law grants a temporary monopoly to one who comes up with a usable idea, that is all.

Property my fucking ass.

@JNOV: I couldn’t follow all the tweets, not adapted to that style of reading — didn’t understand the full gravity of the situation. Hope your friend comes out ok.