Enough.

Good night, sweet Giant GrazerHead.Back in the day, what drew us to Gawker websites was the voice of their writers. Ana Marie. Mark (and later, Seth). Jessica (and later, Jesse). Even Ken at Sploid, before he turned into an asshat.

It wasn’t about the “news” — you can get news anywhere — and it really wasn’t about the attitude. It was about their humanity, expressed in the joy and pain of cranking out a dozen posts a day. The sites were blogs, and their hosts were personable, like friends at a party.

All of which peaked long ago. With each staff and design change, Gawker Media has been peeling off the very things that made it work.

And now, there’s nothing left.

The last thread that tied us to Gawker Media’s Golden Age was cut Sunday, when Defamer was folded into the Mothership and Seth Abramovitch relieved of his duties. Their Oscar liveblog — the highlight of the Defamer year — was his last post.

Defamer has been on the block for months now, and either Nick Denton couldn’t find someone to buy it, or to take the party line, decided to keep the label while gutting the contents. Either way, that’s it. Game over.

Ironically, the twisted events of the past year have helped preserve one of our favorite parts of the Gawkerverse: the commenters. We may have migrated from Wonkette, but many of us also played at Gawker and Defamer — and we know there remain denizens of Deadspin, Jalopnik, and io9 in these parts. Denton made some very good calls despite himself, even if he’s now methodically undermining them.

Gawker Media survives, of course, running on fumes the way SNL has maintained its reputation despite only a handful of good years over the decades. Even castoff Wonkette survives, still basking in the glow of Ana Marie Cox while Ken & Crew trash the premises, like a lowbrow “National Lampoon” movie that has nothing to do with the original magazine.

Well, we’re tired of that, too. We’ve spent the past year looking the other way and making occasional coy Brand W references, but we’re fed up with the unearned respect Wonkette continues to enjoy. Enough. It’s not that you suck, it’s not that you strain for wan fratboy humor, it’s that you’re uninteresting. We’re embarrassed for you.

Defamer Folds Into Gawker; Editors to Pursue Careers in Bearded Hip-Hop [Not-Defamer]

139 comments:

8:12 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

If those bastards kill io9 well, I’ll just have to write angry emails in the dark and send it 50000 times.

I can unleash my inner nerd there and not fear a wedgie. However, a lot of the fanboys are way too earnest and occasionally get upset with a less than reverent quip or get upset when I uses the maths to justify something. Of course, it’s worse if a film nerd shits on SF nerds like below:

http://io9.com/5158458/roger-ebert-incurs-star-wars-fans-wrath

This where I diverge paths with my fellow SF nerds. I love the Star Wars (well 2 1/2 of the movies) and own the original three on DVD (and as a kid, the action figures/playsets which my MOM threw out… thanks mom) but don’t go to conventions or unleash the dogs of war because someone made a pointed criticism or have 50 action figures in my cubicle (FYI, I have none.)

The last convention I was at, it reminded me of the phrase, “A Fool and His Money are Soon Parted.” Not going back even if I got to spend the afternoon with William Shatner (those bastards charged $300 bucks! No, I didn’t fork it over.)

8:20 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ManchuCandidate: My thoughts exactly: “They better not fuck with i09.”

It’s sad to go over to deadspin and see that the guys know something is happening. They’re not sure what, but they know they don’t like it.

Gawker Media Empire = the current state of the Ottoman Empire

9:14 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@redmanlaw: I was thinking Byzantium (and it’s attendant comlexity), but the comparison is apt.

9:25 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@redmanlaw: More like the state of a failing chain of gas stations circa 1973 before they learned to sell cigarettes.

10:42 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

A recent, random selection from Ken Layne, accompanying a Youtube of the opening remarks of Black Eagle:

Here’s your Loyal Opposition, Republican Eric Cantor, just gushing when Obama sort of says, “What is up, Eric.” So, GOP, blushing baby Cantor is your pick to go to WAR with Barack Obama? Jesus fucking christ, maybe next time send somebody who doesn’t swoon when Mr. President looks his way.

And the comments on the thread are underwhelming. Jokes about packages, ripoffs of SNL bits (recent ones, yet) and this offering:

Eric Cant. Or? I think not. Say you all?

I am confused. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

A tip: when speaking of Eric Cantor, remember two things: (1) he looks like Milhouse and (2) behind the smile and the pleasantry is a douchebag whose sole purpose in life is to bring an end to Hope, and be a roadblock to Change We Can Believe In. I mean, dude just issued a six-point response to the budget — about three of which could be summed up by saying “giving money to poor people so that they won’t get kicked out of their house? BAH!” This wasn’t sucking up. It was a half-minute long shit-eating grin, with words and music.

To be fair, we had our bad commenting days. But when we were on, we were so fucking on. At our best, we landed more punches in a week than Layne et al, and most of the post-Megan commenters have, ever.

10:44 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: They’ve still got Josh/Comics Curmudgeon, which is kind of like Gulf still giving out those peel-and-stick horshoes with each fillup. I’ll go back once a week just for the Curmudgeon, but I avoid the stoopid comments.

11:42 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Incidentally, I think we can call Cynics’ Party a dead letter at this point. No posts in over six weeks.

The catalyst for that site (and, ultimately, this one) was Mommy 1.0 getting tossed from the Good Ship Wonkette. And so we unleashed our inner Borgens and set out to meet our own Millenium Goals and whatnot. But while providing a safe harbor for someone we liked a lot who was SHIT ON BY PROFESSIONALS was a reason for the new blog, the whole raison d’etre was to have an online hangout that didn’t suck, and with people who didn’t suck.

Cynics’ Party was that place for a good long while — the DNC Rules & Bylaws open thread was an all-timer, I think. And now Stinque is that place. Wonkette hasn’t been the same since we all (more or less) ditched it, and Cynics’ Party is absolutely nowhere without us.

How much does all of this mean in the grand cosmic scheme of things? Let’s be honest — jack shit. But we have fun and enjoy the company. (And note that times get rough for people here. And we support each other in a way that would, it strikes me, be somewhat impossible over at Brand W.)

Enough navel-gazing. Let’s rock.

11:52 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

There are maybe 4 or 5 Wonkette posters who, well, I can’t understand why they don’t join us. I mean, we’re not old-fashioned, we aren’t asking for an exclusive relationship; where is serolfdavid?

11:53 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nabisco: After we left Wonkette, but when it was still under Denton’s tutelage, they had a pretty excellent RSS feed which I checked on from time to time, but it seems to have gone dark. If you’re truly bent on avoiding Wonkette, you can get your fix at Josh’s website, though it’s not exactly the same as what he posts over there.

11:56 am • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Oh, also, R.I.P. The Unethicist (though it seems it’s been a while anyway since that last ran).

12:41 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@mellbell: Gabe’s column was the last thread that tied me to Gawker — I made a point of visiting Mondays to read it, long after I had abandoned the rest of the site.

Anybody know Gabe? Friend of a friend? Pass this along: If he wants to revive The Unethicist, I’d love to run it here.

12:46 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

I love meta-posts. Perhaps we should go to Wonkette and comment about the comments here.

12:48 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: Nah, its even more meta to post about yourself posting about posting. It can be done anywhere.

12:53 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: The vicious cycle claims many. Somebody should start a website that comments about the comments that people are commenting about. It would be completely lame, but necessary.

1:12 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

This might get interesting — Ana Marie Cox has linked to this post in her Twitter feed. Team Butterstick!

1:15 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: Is this our 15 minutes? If it is I want to put on a clean shirt.

1:17 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: Should we tell her we fantasize about barbequeing Butterstick?

1:20 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

No no no — don’t listen to FlyingChainSaw — we totally heart Butterstick. Furry animals are cute and loveable. So say we all. Hugs.

Good news, blogenfreude: I was gifted with a new tie a couple weeks back. Bad news: this morning, there was a coffee incident with said tie. If it weren’t for bad luck etc. etc.

1:21 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Pack up and move to the Althouse Blog. http://althouse.blogspot.com/

1:24 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Now I can’t ask what is this “butterstick” reference without revealing my ignorance to the teeming millions certain to be visiting.

1:24 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: On the Web, it’s more like 15 seconds. But I may need to remember how to knot a tie.

@Michael H: We’ve already packed up and moved twice, but we’ll save the Legend for another day.

1:25 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: Let’s at least mention that she has a ginormous neck when she appears on teevee. A very nice neck, mind you, but it is big. And my wife noticed it first.

@mellbell: Oh, I totally heart joshreads. I even excuse him for reminding me that Mary Worth existed because without his site I never would have learned that the guy who pens Sally Forth is also capable of this.

1:31 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Prommie: “Butterstick” is a teensy weensy cute-as-a-button baby panda at the National Zoo (thanks, taxpayers!). Or was, until he hit his adolescent years and grew surly.

1:35 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Michael H: Fun fact: Ann Althouse taught two courses that I took while at law school. Con Law I, Civ Pro II.

[Add: Further to that point: an Althouse commenter has this query:

And Stinque. Is that something or someone that is cool now and whose opinion must be respected?

Um…. let’s see here… ah! Yes!! Yes, it is. Thank you for asking!]

Fun non-fact: in an earlier post I mentioned that Eric Cantor had a six-point non-plan in response to Barry’s budget. That should have been in response to Barry’s mortgage assistance program. Some people have claimed that this was offensive; I regret any offense that I may have caused.

1:41 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: I think I last wore a tie in April 2008. I’m shooting for a full year.

1:46 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@mellbell: Ahh, darn; I was hoping it had something to do with buttseks and ana marie, who shares my name, and, I had always hoped, would someday tattoo my name somewhere on her luscious body.

1:48 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Programming note: Not-the-State-of-the-Union open bar at 8:45 p.m. ET.

1:49 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Prommie: Butterstick was the name AMC gave to baby panda (because he was the size of one) and she linked from W to the National Zoo’s pndacam, which brought my productivity to a screeching halt for a good 6 months.
Butterstick 4ever!!!!!

1:51 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@mellbell: All he wants to do now is go skating and read manga.

1:54 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude:
our 15 minutes are just getting started. i too, am changing into something festive. when i thanked the academy i forgot to thank my publicist, nojo, who puts up with me.
it’s an honor to be in the company of these nominees.
the oscarnet goes to…..the STINQUERS!!!!!!!!

1:56 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Mistress Cynica: I was thinking Last Tango in Paris. Also.

1:57 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: Wedding?

1:59 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Michael H: Ann Althouse is a deeply silly person who should not be shaping young minds.

2:07 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

blogenfreude: Fortunately enough, she is not shaping young minds. She is a law professor, and thus gives lectures to people who (a) are not all that young and (b) think they know everything.

(Another problem? She, as a law professor, also thinks that she knows everything. Hilarity usually ensues.)

2:13 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

I hate to admit it, but I still read (and comment) on Brand W now and again. I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS, but I won’t name names. I like the Newell posts, even though he takes himself way to seriously sometimes, and a few of the commenters (Shorts, Shorts,Shorts for one) bring teh funny. It is like a wan clone of itself, though, and nobody touches the brilliance of a Homofacist, say, or the balls-to-the-wall psychotic joy of FCS. But my heart is always here, every day, several times a day.

We’ve managed to do something here that is nothing short of a miracle: we changed electricity and ether into a community, and a collection of two-line missives into friendships and love. Earnestness may be the enemy, as Jason occasionally reminds us, but every so often- JUST every so often- we need to remember to thank the overlords for what they provide to us day in and day out.

2:19 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation:
tommycatt, that touched me, and i heartily agree. i have had 2 major trauma’s in the past year, and it was THIS community that held my hand and pulled me through. miraculous.

2:25 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: Viva la Communidad! Viva la Gente! Viva el Nojo y Todos los Jefes! Que Viva! Que Viva! Que Viva!

/slams tequila and picks fight

2:25 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@chicago bureau: @Mistress Cynica: Well, how do you explain the fact that 43% of our readers report having fantasies about barbequeing Butterstick in our latest poll?

2:28 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: Why thank you, Mr. Tommmcatt.

I haven’t really been around teh Wonkette much these days as I have started MIE OWN BLAWG. That and as more of you have dropped off the face of the planet, it just isn’t as fun.

Although it can be said that it goes up and down…

2:28 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: This is great. I have to give my head a quick shave and pour a fresh quart of transmission fluid over myself in case there are photographers coming.

2:29 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw:

I’d eat that little bitch in about 15 seconds without stopping for sauce.

2:30 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@shortsshortsshorts:

Linky-the-link, dude! Don’t be a pricktease!

2:31 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nabisco: I never noticed. But then I never thought about Pandas until we had all those threads (Ana Marie Cox look for these in the backlist) with everyone here talking about eating Butterstick.

2:32 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation:
No, you’re not the only one…

2:33 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ManchuCandidate:

I’ll never tell.

2:33 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: I haven’t had this much fun since Megan’s wake.

2:43 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Hell, in a few more months, next fall, most likely, as we face a winter without fuel, we’ll be fighting over who gets to eat the fucking zoo animals. They will be the last to go after we shoot, catch, and eat every living mammal, reptile, and amphibian in the country, we will eat the elephants and pandas and chimps, and then the cannibalism will begin.

2:52 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Prommie: prisonplanet had something on a guy who said to stockpile Scotch and gold for bartering because a hundred dollar bill will be worth less than toilet paper.

3:08 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

FlyingChainSaw: Everybody likes something. Hell: no less than 25% of U.S. Americans thought Dubya was doing a good job at the end of the road. Such as.

3:08 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: It’s still screwed up (because I am lazy), but http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com

Too obvious? Oh and if you aren’t on a Mac the pair of shorts will TERRORIZE the right half of your screen (again, lazy).

3:12 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@redmanlaw:
viva la redmanlaw, uno de mis favoritos!

this crowd able to stockpile alcohol? you’re so funny.

3:13 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@redmanlaw:

Damn straight!

3:17 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@mellbell: Interview – time before that a Bar Mitzvah.

3:27 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Off topic, but, could someone please shoot me, I am fucking writing fucking astroturf letters to legislators. I would rather shovel shit, I would rather be the piss-boy, I would rather be jizz-wiper in the peepshow, than do this fucking banal-ly evil boring annoying and utterly worthless task. Its not just the deceit, nor is it the stupidity, nor is it the feelings of revulsion and self-loathing, its not even the fact that I am actually having to work for part of the day, which I always hate.

Its the fucking futility. The fucking staffers will be laughing their asses off at this shit when it shows up on their desks.

If anyone asks me to organize a fake demonstration in front of the Statehouse, thats when I go join the circus.

3:33 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

redmanlaw: Vive le Quebec libre!

(Whoops. Wrong speech. Go home, PQ petition passers.)

3:35 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Okay, I have been in a workshop all morning. So I need to take this time to say: SEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH! Don’t take my SETH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Damn you to hell Denton! I hope when you are finally stopped from committing your hate crimes that our very own FlyingChainSaw gets to think up the punishment.

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETH!!!!!! I’ll never forget you…

3:44 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

homofascist: Oh, you just had to invoke Flying Chain Saw, didn’t you?

Everybody, FCS is about to devise a fiendish plan, by which people will be made to suffer great pain. Word of advice: DUCK!

3:46 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@baked: “this crowd able to stockpile alcohol? you’re so funny.”

/snorted snot

@Prommie: You should see my magnificent customized letters to our lawmakers that I send as inserts in my responses to action alert form letters from the New Mexico Wildlife Federation. The ED even asked me to appear at a news conference on an issue and he’s never even met me.

Off to the Lege.

3:52 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude:
ugh. i have to go to a bar mitzvah on sunday, israel style. i think we’re skipping sevices and just hitting the party. rude, i know, i know.
but the sevices here have to be unbearable.

3:54 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Waaay off topic — here’s how we treat a legitimate hero:

Sullenberger, a 58-year-old who joined a US Airways predecessor in 1980, told the House aviation subcommittee that his pay has been cut 40 percent in recent years and his pension has been terminated and replaced with a promise “worth pennies on the dollar” from the federally created Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. These cuts followed a wave of airline bankruptcies after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks compounded by the current recession, he said.

“The bankruptcies were used by some as a fishing expedition to get what they could not get in normal times,” Sullenberger said of the airlines. He said the problems began with the deregulation of the industry in the 1970s.

The reduced compensation has placed “pilots and their families in an untenable financial situation,” Sullenberger said. “I do not know a single professional airline pilot who wants his or her children to follow in their footsteps.”

4:11 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@baked: My poor nephew – he told his mom he’d do this for her but, after that, he was done.

Yeah – hit the party. Will it be glatt kosher? An open bar?

4:12 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Comment of the day at Althouse:

“And Stinque. Is that something or someone that is cool now and whose opinion must be respected?”

4:15 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo:

Haha, Nojo, I saw what you did over there.

4:17 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: @baked:

Not to sound WASPy but I’ve always wondered: Is there a difference between Glatt Kosher and Regular Kosher? While we’re at it, what is “trafe”? I learned that word from a closeted orthodox jew who frequented a bar I tended years ago. Does it mean “perverted”?

4:37 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Hey, Sanjaya Jindal is gonna be doing the rebuttal to the Un-SOTU tonight, thats gonna be more fun than the Un-SOTU itself, Hopey is just too good with the speechifying, he’s getting boring. I loves to watch a southern wingnut cathlo-fascist hold forth any old day, though.

4:38 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009
4:40 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Prommie: He’s a nut, but “Sanjaya”? Unnecessary.

4:41 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@chicago bureau: Obviously my perception has been clouded by fame. But I’ll remember to thank the little people when my moment comes.

4:42 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Prommie: Keep in mind that Sanjaya (the evil-Hindi-hell demon-baby) was cast to hell many years ago and came back a Catholic angel named “all American Bobby.”

It should be noted that Ralph Nader will also be sharing his remarks, as well as Ron Paul, Jesse Ventura, and every conservative pundit that can be mustered. Brace for impact.

4:44 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@shortsshortsshorts:

Stupidity so dense that the universe will collapse upon itself. Count on it.

4:49 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@mellbell: Apu?

5:08 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Michael H: @chicago bureau: @nojo:

“Pack up and move to the Althouse Blog… -MH

What has become of us? We were an army once. Do you remember? Back in the day? A mere hint, the simplest gesture from Commandante’ Homo Fascist, and we would charge off, berserker-like, rampaging through the comment homes of our enemies, eviscerating the posters, pillaging the commenters, defending the honor of our friends, leaving only bewildered horror in our wake.

Look at us now. We’ve gone soft and fat, living this life of indulgent luxury in the Nojo Towers condominium in the clouds. Look at Prommie, writing letters to editor over there. And FCS – when was the last time he strung together a six fuck, eight exclamation point sentence? I can’t remember. Look at me, sitting here in my boxer shorts, holes in my tee shirt, sucking on a budweiser. Ok – I haven’t changed. But what happened to the rest of you? A slow fat rabbit like AA walks into the room, MichaelH sounds the alarm, and you all would rather gnaw on the bones of an old elephant carcass. Sad.

I guess complacency is the price of victory.

5:11 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation:
bloggie? dodger? help me out here.
i know traif is food that is fobidden, not kosher, like anything pig or shellfish. the glatt? not sure. DB and BF are much more jewish than me, they’ll know.

5:11 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Dodgerblue: This in today’s news? I had friends chuckling about the air traffic controller union busting in the 1980s. Reagan raging at the fact that, gasp, air traffic controllers had homes with pools? Fuck, I knew plumbers with pools. What was he saying, if you earn a wage, it shouldn’t necessarily pay enough to live infuckingdoors? This is where it ends – senior pilots basically looking at impoverishment the hour they retire (if they funded their kids college).

What the air travel industry experienced wasn’t deregulation. It was complete abandonment to Wall Street gangsters. I love traveling on non-US carriers simply because the crews are not shell-shocked from non-stop battering by take-overs, by-outs, provoked strikes, engineered bankruptcies to kill the pensions, break unions, etc. all the shit that they have to endure because some gangster gotten some interest in their airline and gotten another gangster to game the company with him. They’re lucky some pilots pushed to the edge just haven’t kamikazied jets into their home offices to bring the nightmare home.

5:13 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: I am an artist now. I’ve transcended mere cursing. My agent says I should negotiate per exclamation point. Hey, who forget to peel the grapes?

5:15 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: A few more Amazon kickbacks, and we should be able to start buying off politicians.

5:16 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin:
i wish to indulgently add i led a (successful) revolt to get back the preview pane. (bake’s angry mob?) anyone? bueller?

i was a little scared when the saw got horrified by the ape eating the woman’s face. he said he “didn’t wish it on caligulard” WHAAAAT???

nah, we’re hardcore to the bone, we just have our soft sides.

5:17 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: I stop in at W sometimes. There’s some jewels in the comments, but it’s a long monotonous dig to get to them.

@shortsshortsshorts: I look forward to your blog.

@redmanlaw: Scotch and Gold is a good start, but I really think a still and lead (copper jacketed?) are a better investment for the coming apocolypse…

@Prommie: Don’t eat Box Turtles. They love to eat deadly mushrooms. Snails too.

5:23 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: We can’t be filled with blinding rage all of the time. It is not like we are libertarians or something.

5:26 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

Dear gawd, did we finally coax RAGING MONK to return? Stay tuned…

5:29 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

this international stinquer is going to take her new sleeping pills now. it says only take one and do not chew! so, of course i’m going to masticate at least 3, and will still probably see you soon.

5:32 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Jose Manikin: The most successful general is the one who does not need to take the field.

@nojo: No . . . fucking . . . way.

@fupduk: Either lead or partially jacketed bullets will work for anti-personnel purposes. A full metal jacket bullet may be prone to “over penetration” as they say, which means that the bullet can go through a guy and hit something or somebody else, as two guys struggling for a gun found out this weekend. The bullet went through one guy and hit the guy in back of him in the chest and kilt him.

5:33 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: Sources are telling me it is possible…

5:43 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@baked:

Uh, hopefully. Are you sure you should be chewing them if you take that many? How about 2, swallowed, with a nice glass of Riesling?

5:48 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@homofascist: @redmanlaw: @nojo: RAGING MONK?
What is this you speak of?

5:54 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@shortsshortsshorts: One of our Lost Children from our two-site (or four-site, depending on how you count) migration. We keep leaving breadcrumbs, but the squirrels keep eating them.

5:55 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@baked: traife is simply “not kosher”. Glatt, I think, is sort of like extra double secret kosher. But I could be wrong: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glatt_kosher

5:56 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@homofascist:
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

@redmanlaw:
Yeah but, shouldn’t he take them out for war games, or practice raids or something?

That’s “Hose” as in “Hosiery”.

5:59 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: @homofascist: Comrades! Captain Raging Monk has returned from his last adventure of the past six months, where email could not travel, and awaited orders from General Homofascist of the glorious HFA. He directed me to procede to Stinque directly. Voila, here I am. Nice place, it looks like. Blogenfreude has built a great house. I haven’t found the bar yet, but I brought a bottle of Jameson with me.

Homofascist has allowed me to discuss this highest-secrecy adventure I have just completed. Of course, I am referring to Operation Open Thong, where I recruited 69 beach babes from Brazil for the Convent of the Blessed Phallus. The Special 69 have been fed and put to bed, and I am back at the Monastery of the Blessed Labia, and have resumed email contact with all who correspond.

R.I.P, fuckin’ Gawker Media. I still am unable to say the word “Wonk…wonk……W.”

Any liveblogging tonight of The Savior’s talk to the heathen Congress?

6:01 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:
Welcome back.

6:03 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ManchuCandidate: Heh! My favorite Canuck of them all! The IQ in the room just went up 20 points with your presence!

6:06 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

How goes it, brother? Good to see you!

6:07 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Convent of the Blessed Phallus

Damn, dude. We’ve missed you.

And yes, the Not-SOTU liveblog kicks in at 8:45 pm ET, complete with the most convoluted circle of references I’ve managed yet.

6:15 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Straight No Chaser Raging Fuckin Monk! Dude! We missed you. Brangin’ it with the first post! Allow me to relieve you of that bottle and I will deliver it to the bar for you. There is still time in the winter storytelling season for us all to catch up with you and your tales of the Black Freighter.

Other people in this committee hearing room are wondering why I’m smiling.

Hmmm. Of the 28 people in the room, 11 of us are Indian lobbyists, lawyers, current or former cabinet secretaries or state legislators. Go team!

@Hose Manikin: I only kid cuz I care.

6:21 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: Tommcatt, my friend! The Precise Measuring Stick for All Things Snarky! I am fine, but I saw so many butts in Brazil that I began to hanker for the old days when my eyes didn’t blur so much!

I’ve missed ya, too.

6:23 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

ragingmonk: Warmest of welcomes backs. (Erm… OK. Works for me.) And do bring along any other Wonketters of well-earned reknown that you might be in contact with.

6:25 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: Nojo, God of all Gods! I offer a snark offering of six months’ duration to Your Divinity in repentence of my lack of availability.

It’s great to be back. Here’s a toast to Your Godness! Cheers!

6:28 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: You fucking maniac! What army have you been keeping busy?

6:30 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Hooray! My favorite marriage of the sacred and profane hath returned! Take good care of those Brazilian babes–is it true that their whipples now hide a regrown bush and, if so, what do we call the converts who are still follicle-free?

6:35 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@flippin eck: Hey! What about me? Oh, sacred. Right.

6:41 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

Ahhh!! Welcome to Stinque! We missed you!

6:41 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@redmanlaw: @redmanlaw: redmanlaw, keeper of all that is civilized and drinkable in the Southeast! We have some catching up to do over a bottle of reposado some day.

Hey, I bring it every time I can, because life’s too short for dry runs and rehearsals.

And let’s face it, I’m in the room only because I’m a lawyer groupie. Or lawyer slut. Take your pick.

6:42 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Nojo built it – I just sleep on the couch most nights. Welcome home.

6:47 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@chicago bureau: The Honorable Chicago Bureau, Esq., thanks for the welcomes backs. (Same grammatical difficulty as attorneys general!) Laughter still leaks out my ribs from the many times you cracked me up on Wonkette and Cynics’ Party.

So any news in Chicago politics during my six months away? (Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

6:48 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

WAit, wait… I just got here. But. By ‘Seth’ do you mean ‘Intern Seth’? But… not Intern Seth!!! Are they crazy? I am speechless. And you know that doesn’t happen often.

For me the whole fun of the place was the comments. That was what was interesting. And the little squibs were the pegs on which the comments were hung.

6:51 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: Ack, I KNEW that! Sorry, Nojo, don’t give me a plague of biblical proportions. Everybody knows Blogenfreude is the Dispenser of All Political Wisdom and Nojo is…well, just God.

Didja hear that Jackson Browne is suing McCain and the GOP for using his song in the campaign without permission?

6:51 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: Yes, but we’d be staring at sheetrock without everybody else furnishing it.

6:54 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

I want to thank my agent.

Wait. What?

6:56 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

Jackson Browne is suing McCain and the GOP for using his song

Rosie?

6:57 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@FlyingChainSaw: OMIGOD, it’s FlyingChainSaw! I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy!

I have been sniffing at swimsuit thongs in Brazil to find just the right team to bring back to our Convent. It’s difficult work, but someone has to do it, and I couldn’t think of anybody better than me.

Was that you I saw making a cameo with your chainsaw in the new “Friday the Thirteenth” film over the weekend?

6:57 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Benedick: I don’t know if he was ever intern Seth. I like to call him Hot Hairy Jew Daddy Seth (whichever kind of kosher he is, I’ll make the switch). But he is a brilliantly funny writer. Don’t worry, I will pimp wherever he ends up.

6:57 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Speaking of the anal pear, I just finished reading “The Grand Inquisitor’s Manual: A History of Terror in the Name of God” by Jonathan Kirsch. The inquisitor’s thread runs through time to Abu Grahib and Guantanimo.

http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780060816995/The_Grand_Inquisitors_Manual/index.aspx

7:01 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: Nope, Running on Empty. I would have chosen Redneck Friend, because McCain is such a dick.

7:06 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@flippin eck: The new class of Brazilian babes have covenanted to stay smooth-shaven for the duration of the membership in the Order. Alas, I will not be their inspector general. Sister Jenna J. has asked for the role and their Mother Superior agreed.

I never saw one bit of bush in the entire two weeks I was there. Probably every woman there under 50 has been waxed or sugar-bushed.

Flipping Eck is a new screenname for me. Do I know you as someone else?

7:07 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:
I just thought “Rosie” would be a natural, seeing how it is an ode to masturbation.

But, Rosie, you’re all right, ((you wear my ring)).
When you hold me tight, ((Rosie, that’s my thing)).
When you turn out the light, ((I’ got to hand it to me)).
((Looks like it’s me an’ you again tonight)), Rosie.

7:08 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Original Andrew: Thank you, O.A. I have missed your truly flippant comments. But I’m baaaccckkkkk!

7:09 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Hose Manikin: Heh! I had forgotten that one.

7:22 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Monk: you’re back, and just in time for Spring Training!! I must say I admire your taste in Brazilian women, much preferable in my view to the rather shopworn Thai hookers (and blow) that we use for currency around here.

7:30 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: It used to be just “flippin.”
Welcome home! We have missed you and were actually getting worried. Glad to hear you were in Rio looking for promising vocations. Were you responsible for the new record set in smallest thong (1″ across) at Carnevale?

7:35 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

Did you pick up any Portuguese while you were there? I know you love them foreign tongues.

7:40 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

And you’re back just in time for Barry to fill you in on the SOTU.

Do you think it will be strong?

I’m just on the edge of my seat waiting to find out.

7:45 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk:

Brazil is the place for ass, no matter what flavor you prefer.

7:54 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: “Traif” just means not kosher. “Glatt kosher” in the strict sense means an animal that’s, uh, kosher, slaughtered in the prescribed way, and whose lungs are examined and found to be smooth (“glatt” means smooth, or something like that). But it’s often used to mean really, I shit you not, kosher like from the shtetl. Not that a Jewish butcher would ever exaggerate.

7:58 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Dodgerblue:

Hehehe…my Orthodox friend used to call me “Traif” when I would flirt with him for tips….

8:00 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation: He was thinking “hunka hunka burnin’ love!”

8:32 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@nojo: Can you imagine Stinque Second Life? Oy …

8:46 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@blogenfreude: So many Furries, so little time.

8:47 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

ragingmonk: To answer your question: no. Nothing’s happened in Chicago politics recently. I mean, the faces come and go, talking of Michaelangelo. But the same problems exist. CTA is $200m in the hole, again, for example. The fact that Junior Senator Burris is still around is mere trivia.

9:27 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@homofascist: I just want him to know that should he ever fancy a career in show business I consider showing hm the ropes.

10:24 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@ragingmonk: Yay! Monk’s back!

10:49 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Benedick: @homofascist: I think there was an Intern Seth somewhere in the Gawkerverse, but he wasn’t Seth. Might have taken me a year to figure that out.

10:58 pm • Tuesday • February 24, 2009

@Benedick: @nojo: Ah yes, Hermajesty’s Intern Mentoring Benevolent Order (HIMBO). I can only imagine what you would do with those ropes.

3:10 am • Wednesday • February 25, 2009

MMMMMOOOOOONNNNNNNKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and you obviously didn’t have your phone with you either.
you know how many times i tried to call you? yes, you do.
hugs, kisses, welcome back!!!

3:16 am • Wednesday • February 25, 2009

@Tommmcatt, The Choice of a New Generation:
tommycatt, i love your concern, you sweet meat.
i ended up swallowing one, and chewing one, slept like rip van winkle.

3:23 am • Wednesday • February 25, 2009

@baked: Hey, check out the goth/metal version of the Chris Issac classic “Wicked Game” by HIM.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk

You might like this one, too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtqGoHouoE0

9:53 am • Wednesday • February 25, 2009

I’d pay to watch that ape eat Cheney’s face; I would pay. My last dime.

11:47 am • Friday • February 27, 2009

@redmanlaw: I am not sure that song was ripe for a remake. Plus he sang it pretty much like Chris Isaak just with a bunch of extra noise in the background. You kids and your music these days.

I could be biased though as I am sort of in love with Chris Isaak. I met him twice after concerts and he drew me a little cartoon. *swoon*.

12:11 pm • Friday • February 27, 2009

@homofascist: Have you seen The Chris Issac Hour on the Biography channel? I wish I could have cut out Trisha Yearwood out of the show last night. He’s funny as shit, a good interviewer and a better singer than she is. I’ve seen him play once and he is a true entertainer. Did he wear the mirrored suit when you saw him? “Anyone who has a mirror suit has gotta be a redneck,” he said.

The HIM version of Wicked Game is one of my son’s favorite songs. I like the original much more.

As for the second link on my post, check out the fan video of “Destroy Everything You Touch” on my facebook profile. It has the rptrcub seal of approval.

12:56 pm • Friday • February 27, 2009

@redmanlaw: I have seen him thrice, and each time he has worn the mirrored suit.

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