Hello America! My name is Joe. Joe, the plumber!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “hey, Joe, why should I care about you?” Well, wise guy, why should I care about you? Yeah, you! You who pours bacon grease down the drain when you know that it hardens — just like cholesterol in your arteries — and clogs up your pipes. You know this is going to happen, but no. You have to do it, and then you have to call me at 3 in the freaking morning and I have to wake up, come over and make sure that little Suzie can have some oatmeal before going to school.

And I freaking told you to get your cast iron pipes replaced — how they get weak and eventually fail. Told you that three years ago. But did you listen? Noooooo. Of course not. And then I get the call late at night, when I’m having some quality time with Mrs. Plumber, and you are all freaking out and I could give a rat’s ass.

You know what, America? FUCK YOU! That’s my opinion on the presidential race. FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!

And now, if you’ll will beg my pardon, I have to talk to some hot shot literary agent in New York. At least he’s going to pay me on time, unlike some people I can mention.

Until next time… FUCK YOU!

Warmest regards–
Joe the Plumber

Quick: take a wild guess at who wrote this in a Minnesoda paper:

As a result of [Sen. Norm] Coleman’s leadership, PSI [Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations] has exposed more than $80 billion in fraud, waste and abuse in government operations. He identified multiple vulnerabilities in the Medicare system, which recently led to sweeping changes in Medicare to prevent scam artists from ripping off taxpayer dollars.

With the [GAO], he pinpointed weaknesses in our nation’s radiological licensing practices and brought about changes to help prevent terrorists from obtaining radioactive materials here in the United States. He also revealed the predatory practices of credit counseling agencies that take advantage of folks trying to dig their way out of debt. This effort ultimately strengthened efforts by the IRS to combat these abuses.

Yet, despite the long record of PSI successes, some partisan critics assert that he should have focused the subcommittee’s attention exclusively on Iraq. They are wrong.

If you answered Sen. Joseph Lieberman (??-Conn.), c’mon down! [BTW: “Partisan critic” = the damned Democratic nominee — Him… Al Franken.]

Seriously: Joe has had his coffee, and two slices of cake. Could somebody in the Democratic Party wish him a good night and safe trip home? Please?