Seven Down, Forty-Three to Go

I am hoping to be a bridesmaid in Andrew’s wedding when I visit Seattle in June…

@homofascist: Yay! Congrats to all Stinquers in Washington!

@SanFranLefty: The state rep in Illinois who got through the Civil Union bill last year just introduced a marriage equality bill in our state legislature. Very happy that he and one of his two lesbian co-sponsors represent the neighborhood where I work, AND she is my rep where I live.

@homofascist: Can’t wait to see you again, General HF!

And White Collar uber-hottie Matt Bomer officially came out this weekend. It’s gettin’ steamy this winter!

Can we get a dead pool going re last state to legalize same-sex marriage?

@mellbell: I’d put my chips on Alabama.

However, I think, unless the U.S. Supreme Court makes it the law of the land, none of us will live to see all 50 states get sane on this.

@¡Andrew!: Let us know where you are registered.

Don’t mean a thing till it’s federal.

@Benedick: Actually it means a lot. Mr. ¡A! was in a very serious car accident about two years ago–fortunately he was unhurt–but he was taken via ambulance to the ER for tests and evaluation. Had we not been registered DPs, it would have been perfectly legal for the hospital to show me the door instead of allowing me to be with him. Also, having these rights at the state level makes a huge differnce in adopting children. Additionally, we can own property–like our cars and our home–together without having to pay horrendous excise taxes when transferring ownership. We have our estate docs that we paid big bux for, but if we didn’t, our $60 DP registration allows us to inherit from each other in the event one of us passes away. On top of all of those practical reasons, there’s the satisfaction of knowing that we’re being treated the same under state law and not funding our own discrimination whenever we pay taxes at the state level. It matters, I promise.

@Walking Still: He was kidding–no ceremony plans are on the table. Mr. ¡A! and I have been together almost 14 years, and registered DPs since they were introduced in 2007. With the new law, I think we just have to fill out a form to convert our margarine domestic partnership into a Real Marriage.

If we can ever afford it, I wanna get married (have a ceremony) on a beach in Hawaii, maybe the one where they filmed Lost.

Speaking of Lost, I’m about halfway through Season 5. How mad am I gonna be after watching Season 6 and the infamous Series Finale?

@¡Andrew!: I figured he might be, still it’s fun to think about.

BTW, I’m with you on the “it matters” thing. The legal rights are far from trivial. In addition, the personal commitment and societal support associated with marriage are truly meaningful.

Marriage is the best thing in my life. It appalls me that we have to fight to make it available to everyone. As a federal government lawyer, I’m disgusted that the Feds are the biggest legal obstacle to making it happen.

@¡Andrew!: Mr. SFL and I decided that we’re going to finally come out of the closet (so to speak) to everybody about being legally hitched once our ghey friends can marry in Kah-lee-fornya. You boys totally should dash off to Hawaii – I think that’s where Mistress Cynica tied the knot – and we’ll get a nice Cuisinart Mixer for you two lovebirds on behalf of the Stinquers.

@¡Andrew!: Very.

@¡Andrew!: Yes, I can highly recommend a gorgeous spot on the Kona coast, where I was married.

@¡Andrew!: So, was today a good day all around?

@¡Andrew!: Darling, I am married. Legally. State recognized. It means almost nothing to me. Children, adoption of, yes. But we’re not going to do that. I draw the line at pugs. Until DOMA is struck down state marriage laws mean little. But the more states that recognize marriage equality the more weight the movement carries. You can get married right now. Why don’t you? You could have been married in Canada in 03. When NYC legalized DPs we were there. When Vermont legalized CUs we were there. When MA legalized marriage – I was busy. When Ontario legalized marriage we were there. I don’t get the beach in Hawaii thing. I don’t get the flower boys. Are we talking about civil rights or Sex in the City? I don’t mean to be rude, I truly don’t, but till DOMA is struck down the rest is meaningless. (SFL also doesn’t agree)

@¡Andrew!: OK, plus, hospitals: the president has made it illegal for hospitals to deny visitation. I assume you have all the living wills extraordinary care docs in order. I don’t know about inheritance law. We gambled which of us would die first.

The real stuff comes with federal law. Acceptance. Respect.

@Benedick: I wanted to get married in Vancouver, BC, when Canada legalized marriage equality in 2005, but Mr. ¡A! said “no” because our marriage would not be recognized in Washington state due to our particularly ugly state-level DOMA.

Marriage is still a state-level, and state-regulated institution, and the majority of the benefits–with the notable exceptions of federal level Social Security and Medicare benefits, of course–are granted at the state level and recognized and enforced by state courts. Among the less pleasant benefits is access to divorce court should the relationship go south. My own opposite-married parents’ divorce was especially nasty, so I won’t take access to divorce court for granted.

Plus, I can authorize an autopsy–SCORE!

Anyway, it’s far from a done deal here in WA, since our home-grown haters–with million$ of out-of-state Catlicker and Moron dollar$– have promised to get it on the ballot for November, and they’ll likely succeed.

@SanFranLefty: The cat got out of the bag and hopped a train out of the station a while back on that one, chika, at least around here.

@mellbell: Utah. Hands down. Of course, Arizona will have been selling hunting licenses for queer season by then so maybe I should go with them. Oh, and Colorado.

@SanFranLefty: As someone who is acutely aware of the benefits of marriage, I would never expect anyone go without the legal and psychological benefits that marriage provides. Tell your friends–they’ll be happy for you.

@mellbell: M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.

They’re 50th in everything else.

@Mistress Cynica: I loved the photos of your wedding. We would be lucky to have such a beautiful ceremony.

@Benedick: Where is the meaning carried, darling? In the piece of paper? In the ring? Or in the soft aspiration of the midnight breath of your love, in the smooth, well-travelled warmth of their embrace? Is it in some way carried in that small space of dignity allowed to you both at last? In the regard of family and friends?

You’re right, in the temporal confines of this historical moment, in the shadow of DOMA, these state victories mean nothing. But in the handclasp, in the heart, they mean everything. In the end, your love is all there is, and this slight notice affirms that. We should not lose sight of how important this thing is. You cannot view a thing without changing that thing by your gaze. The world is watching, and slowly, we change.

@¡Andrew!: How mad am I gonna be after watching Season 6 and the infamous Series Finale?

I watched only the series finale, and I was pissed.

But Star Trek made up for it.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I look forward to the day we can file joint taxes. I don’t have much of a romantic idea about marriage. I suppose were I in my 20s or 30s it would be different. Speaking personally, I would have preferred a respectable civil union that granted the rights and responsibilities of marriage to all couples. That only becomes unacceptable when it applies only to same-sex couples. It is, of course, a good thing that the legislature acted responsibly but, as Andy says, it’s far from a done deal and millions will be raised to vote away our rights. The anti-gay industry keeps a lot of people comfortably employed and they have to do something to fill their time.

I wish I felt more hopeful about the Boies/Olsen push but I don’t. I think it’s too soon to take this to the Supreme Court, I think any case there would lose and set everything back another generation. I also hope I’m wrong.

Meantime I will continue to freak out over long-term health insurance.

@Benedick: Personally I think we should call all civil marriages “Domestic Partnerships” and do it that way. Gives the Right less ofa leg to stand on, if that is possible.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Right. Plus one doesn’t have to feel that one is living in a Jane Austen novel.

@Benedick: Right you are, my dear Mr. Benedick. Right you are, indeed, sir.