An Open Ballot Slot is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Back in college, we ran for student-body preznident. We promised nothing, played solitaire at the debate — and came within twenty-five votes of the runoff.

The next year, we recruited thirty-one of our friends to run for preznident, because students demanded a choice. It was the longest ballot in campus history.

We called it “participatory satire”, and we were quite proud.

So when we heard that Stephen Colbert — who announced too late for the South Carolina primary, which doesn’t allow write-ins — solved the problem yesterday by claiming Herman Cain!’s votes for his own, it felt like old times. Especially the part where he asked Democrats to vote on the Republican open ballot this Saturday.

The emailed press release, after the break.

The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC Releases New Ad Urging Voters To Support Stephen Colbert, Who Is Not Running

TELEVISION, USA – The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC released a new television commercial today in South Carolina, in advance of the upcoming underfunded GOP Primary. The ad, entitled “Not Abel,” shows support for Stephen Colbert’s possible candidacy by offering voters a way to show support for Stephen Colbert’s possible candidacy.

“Tragic new reports show that South Carolinians can sometimes go for several minutes at a stretch without seeing a single political ad,” said Jon Stewart, President For Life For Now of The Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC.” Even more tragically, we discovered that one visionary leader wasn’t having his voice heard: Stephen Colbert. Now I can proudly say: He’s still not having his voice heard, because we do not coordinate with any candidate or campaign.”

The spot begins running today as a massive, multi-dozen-dollar ad buy in South Carolina. Snooty types who love to mention how they never watch television can view the ad here.

The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC, nèe Colbert Super PAC, is officially known as Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, but is secretly hoping it will get a cool nickname like “Buzzsaw” or “Snakes.”

For Press Inquiries Contact:
Alberto Rèalnamè
Communications Director
The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC