Mitt Romney Considers Tying Son to Roof of Car

Your papers please.

Hey man, I’ve only got a pipe.

So the Romney’s have a birther in the family. Why does that not surprise me?

@Serolf Divad: My Ess Eff, East Coast, and European Ghey Mafias all swear that the Romneys also have a closet case among those five chicken hawks sons, for no other reason than simple statistics and the corrupting influence of the Mormon Church. They haven’t come to a consensus as to which one of the five strapping sons is a Friend of Dorothy, but they’re all willing to volunteer to find out via hate fucks.

ADD for audience participation: This is the cue for ¡Andrew! to start up with his “I’d bang it like a broken screen door” lines.

@SanFranLefty: White boys. Blech.
Present company excluded, of course.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Think of them as palate cleansers.

@SanFranLefty: Sadly, I’m all banged out. The Hellidays are never easy for me. With Winter Quarter looming in the very near future, I made an appointment with my doctor for next week to ask him for a Valium prescription. (“What’s the point of having your own doctor if you can’t get whatever you want?” – Ab Fab). I’d prefer a medical MJ card, but you have to be half-dead to get one under ridiculous Washington state laws. Anyone know a socially acceptable way to beg a medical professional for benzodiazepines?

@¡Andrew!: Tell them a close family member died or is near death. If you’re willing to risk the karma debt, it works like a charm. I always chose someone I didn’t like anyway, just in case it came true.

ADD: Can you cry on cue? That’s a big help.

@Mistress Cynica: If I think about the accounting class that I have to take next quarter, then yes, I can crank up the waterworks, no problem.

@¡Andrew!: There you go. I once left a doctor’s office with a script for 100 Lortabs just for turning on the waterworks.

@Mistress Cynica: Gracias ; )

@Mistress Cynica: I’ll tell him my husband is running for the Republican presidential nomination, and he’ll hook me up with the Stepford Special.

Really I just wanna take two and zone out to the Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer soundtrack, or Bugs Bunny en español.