Starring Newt Gingrich as Plaxico Burress

Newt Gingrich:

“I will only appoint [John Bolton as Secretary of State] if he will agree that his first job is the complete and thorough transformation of the State Department and the replacement of the current foreign service culture with a new entrepreneurial and aggressive culture dedicated to the propositions that… defending America is the first business of the State Department.”

John Bolton’s spokesbot:

“Mr. Bolton has not endorsed any candidate for the Republican presidential nomination. He has spoken to a number of those running, and he would be happy to discuss national security issues with anyone in the race.”

Political Wire, citing U.S. Title 18:

“Whoever, being a candidate, directly or indirectly promises or pledges the appointment, or the use of his influence or support for the appointment of any person to any public or private position or employment, for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both; and if the violation was willful, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.”