We’re Running Out of Room for Toppings

Our guest columnist is Herman Cain!’s lawyer.

Mr. Cain[!] has been informed today that your television station plans to broadcast a story this evening in which a female will make an accusation that she engaged in a 13-year long physical relationship with Mr. Cain[!]. This is not an accusation of harassment in the workplace — this is not an accusation of an assault — which are subject matters of legitimate inquiry to a political candidate.

Rather, this appears to be an accusation of private, alleged consensual conduct between adults — a subject matter which is not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public. No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life. The public’s right to know and the media’s right to report has boundaries and most certainly those boundaries end outside of one’s bedroom door.

Mr. Cain[!] has alerted his wife to this new accusation and discussed it with her. He has no obligation to discuss these types of accusations publicly with the media and he will not do so even if his principled position is viewed unfavorably by members of the media.

Georgia Woman Claims 13-Year Affair with Herman Cain [Fox Atlanta, via Political Wire]

Oh Biz Markie…

Have you ever met a white babe that you tried to date
But 13 years later it blew up in your face
Let me tell ya a story of my situation
I was talkin’ to this girl from the U.S. nation
The way that I met her was talking ’bout pizza joints at a conference
She had long hair and a short miniskirt
I just got onstage drippin’, pourin’ with sweat
I was walkin’ through the crowd and guess who I met
I whispered in her ear, “Come to the picture booth
So I can ask you some questions to see if your hundred proof”
I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra
I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused
I said, “Did you know you’re my wife’s height?”
she said, “I was very impressed”
I started throwin’ bass, she started throwin’ back mid-range
But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange
Then when I asked, “Do ya want a man?” she tried to pretend
She said, “No I don’t, I only want a friend”
Come on, I’m not even goin’ for it
This is what I’m goin’ sing

You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee
You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee
You, you got dirt on meeee but I say she’s just a friend
And I say she’s just a friend, oh Wolfieeee

No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life.

Where were they during Bill Clinton’s deposition?

Hahaha, a Republican candidate is pretending to have “principles”.

@blogenfreude: At first I read “deposition” as “inquisition.” Then I thought about it, and realized my subconscious mind was right.


Translation: yeah he did it… we’re too worn out at this point to deny it. Please leave us alone.

BTW: do we need any more proof that the person most surprised by Herman Cain’s meteoric rise in the GOP primary was almost certainly Herman Cain himself? I mean, a guy with this many skeletons in his closet doesn’t run for president except to be able to add “Onetime candidate for the GOP presidential nomination” on his resume.

Watched the HBO movie Too Big To Fail. Seems kind of fitting based on what is going on in Euroland.

Hank Paulson a hero?? I dunno, but the Treasury and Fed guys had to pick the least shitty solution. There wasn’t any solution that wasn’t horrible. Looking at the Teabagger dumbfucks and their shrieking, they would rather have the world go to hell to preserve their fucking ideological purity and zip understanding of finance (I barely understand it myself, but I know Teabaggers ideas would ruin us all.)

McCain is an utter jackass. Trying to play the fucking hero and nearly fucking it up. It was grandstanding of the worst possible kind, I thought so at the time, too. Who was noticeably absent in the movie? Preznit Bunnypants.

What I also found scary is how they got actors that looked like their real life occupants.

Also I find this utterly contemptible in relation to my former employer. My dipshit CEO flew around the fucking world in Sept 2008 and didn’t seem to realize the international credit markets were seizing up till /redacted/ had to declare bankruptcy. Even I lowly piece of shit employee could see this, but my overbred fuckup of a CEO didn’t really and made fucking excuses. No wonder he can’t find a fucking job.


Best part: Cain! himself was on CNN *that afternoon* fervently denying it. If his insane policies and grabasstastic workplace record weren’t sufficient to disqualify him, the apparent inability to coordinate a BASIC response to this mess should…

@Serolf Divad: I’m wondering when he’s blown his chance for that Fox contract.

@matador1015: Used to work in the DC office of the firm where Clinton was deposed – we would take our dates up to that conference room and sit them in the very chair … you could see the White House from the window. Exquisite torture.

I just love how the Republicans are whipping around from front runner to front runner like a school of fish turning on a dime. Hate Radio ABQ was totally beside itself today with Newt and Romney being the only guys left standing, the Cain affair revelation and having to promote the line that “it’s Mitt the man, not the Mormon that conservatives can’t stand.”

Best caller was some confused old guy who said “I hear Gary Johnson is going to quit the Republican party and join the Liberal Party and I wonder why you don’t have anything on that.”Pretty much shows the level of the listenership there.

“No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life.”

Unless, of course, you’re part of that HOMO-SHECKSHUAL agenda and want to marry the person you love, serve in the military without lying, or otherwise go about one’s ghey life.

@redmanlaw: Thanks for taking it for the team. So Hate Radio has given up on Gov. Good Hair and Rep. Kray-Kray-Krayzee Eyes? Are they waiting for the second coming [so to speak, insert FlyingChainsaw comment here] of Talibunny?

ADD: Just got done making a pan of off-the-hook good spicy enchiladas from the left over turkey meat and carrot/onion/celery pieces left after making two liters of chicken stock.

@SanFranLefty: The host – a member of the majority culture – was completely frustrated because he proclaimed himself a Cain guy a while back, just before the lyin’ hos came on the scene. “He’s a straight shooter, etc.” More of a Sex Shooter, it seems.

The ChrisT-yan callers were all “we know Newt has some flaws, but one of the major themes of ChrisT-yannity is redemption and forgiveness.” Wait til they find out he’s a Catholic. It’s also a reflection of the authoritarian mindset in that they will follow whomever is put before them.

/enjoying a nice little dessert wine for a nightcap

@SanFranLefty: I didn’t use it, but a pro-Talibunny website is buying an Iowa TV ad trying to convince her to run.

Beijing report: I saw the sun yesterday, a fact that my local coworkers found hard to believe. The air stinks, the meat is greasy amd fatty, and the traffic is insane. Tomorrow I’m off to Hefei, capital of Anhui province and reputed industrial hellhole.

and of course you’re taking the pad, right? when it’s YOUR scrabble turn!
why are you fucking with a 3 YEAR RUNNING game? why? why? it’s the only continuity in my scattered life!!!

@Dodgerblue: It gets worse inland. You have the smog and the dust from the Gobi.

@Dodgerblue: I ordered a pork roll in Beijing once, and what they served me was literally 2 lbs of fat – which I ate in order to prove something or other. The walk to the Peking Opera (a must see, if you haven’t) was excruciating.

@FlyingChainSaw: The annual yellow dust storms coming off the Gobi envelope places as far south as Seoul. Headlights needed at high noon.

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