We Have a Media Hostage Situation Here
Congress Takes Group Of Schoolchildren Hostage
Brandishing shotguns and semiautomatic pistols, members of the 112th U.S. Congress took a class of visiting schoolchildren hostage this morning, barricading themselves inside the Capitol rotunda, where they remain at press time.
House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who has emerged as spokesman for the bipartisan group, informed FBI negotiators that the legislative body’s demands would be issued within the next hour, and that if any attempt is made to stage a rescue “all the kids will die.”
The Reaction:
- Agence France Presse: “Police probing joke report of shooting at US Capitol”
- ABC: “Did the Onion Go Too Far? Capitol Evacuation Story Prompts Police Response”
- WaPo: “The Onion’s tweets about Capitol gunfire prompt panic, mockery”
- Michelle Malkin: “Not funny: The Onion spreads fake, pointless report on Capitol hostage-taking, children at gunpoint”
- Boing Boing: “Onion joke about ‘screams and gunfire’ inside Congress backfires”
- Stinque: (Infinite loop of Orson Welles applauding.)
“Humor is a difficult concept”
-Lt Saavik (Wrath of Khan)
Congressional hearings to defund the Onion in 3, 2, 1…
Wait. The Onion doesn’t get any federal funding?
@SpongeBobtheBuilder: I’m sure it’s somehow Planned Parenthood’s fault, so they’ll just try to defund them again.
@ManchuCandidate: The meta-joke is that Saavik is Kirstie Alley.
Silly Onion! Congress holds our kids hostage every day by using a budget instead of a gun!
It’s not the actual article that bothers them, its the fact that their ideology is too fragile to stand up to even tounge-in-cheek criticism. Ping-pong got her widdle feewlings hurt…
Jonathan Swift is ROFL in his grave.
@nojo: @ManchuCandidate: You guys should write for IO9.
anybody remember the boondocks cartoon deal where dude got an email from jesus saying he had been kidnapped by right wing psychos and needed help with the ransom?
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 @JNOV: Does blockquote no longer work?Huh. Guess not.
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Oh shit. “ Cuban state media reported that 32 Cubans were killed in the U.S. attacks in…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 So…. Does blockquote no longer work? Am I 2026’s only loser? (see blurb)
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Welp Speaking to reporters on Air Force One, President Trump said that “Cuba looks like it is…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 My mood courtesy of Rhiannon Giddens: https://youtu.be/M7PvWw97Cq0
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 A man who has his family and lackeys deeply embedded in every facet of our government is trying to…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 THIS IS NOT OKAY! WE’VE RUN THESE WAR GAMES FOR **YEARS**. SPOILER ALERT: A TON OF PEOPLE DIE.…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! WHAT. THE FUCK?!!?!
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 @ManchuCandidate: Summer definitely disappeared.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 BTW, has your favorite fundies gone to Ratpure?