Tim Pawlenty Sells His Soul, Finds No Buyers

You expect Michele Bachmann to sign a Bigotry Pledge, because Michele Bachmann is a bigot, and signing a Bigotry Pledge is just self-affirmation.

You expect Mitt Romney to pander, because Mitt Romney is a Pandroid (“Pander Bear” is too cuddly and warm-blooded), and pandering is just his programming.

And by now, you should probably expect Tim Pawlenty to be Michele & Mitt’s lovechild: A Bigoted Pandroid.

Or, because he’s so bad at it: A Special Needs Bigoted Pandroid Lovechild…

GREGORY: Is being gay a choice?

PAWLENTY: Well, the science in that regard is in dispute. I mean, scientists work on that and try to figure out if it’s behavioral or if it’s partly genetic—

GREGORY: What do you think?

PAWLENTY: Well, I defer to the scientists in that regard.

GREGORY: So you think it’s not a choice? That you are, as Lady Gaga says, you’re born that way.

PAWLENTY: There’s no scientific conclusion that it’s genetic. We don’t know that.

Well, of course we do, and Tim Pawlenty knows that, just as he knows that climate change isn’t happening all by itself, only he can’t say that either, not if he wants to be the Republican nominee for Preznit.

We almost feel sorry for him: a seemingly nice guy who’s sacrificing his character and integrity for a chance to be The Most Powerful Man On Earth, Except For The Bankers.

Only he doesn’t have a chance, because he’s really, really bad at it. Tim Pawlenty yearns to be Darth Vader, but he’s just wearing a cheap helmet and swinging a broomstick.

But this much is real: When all is said and done, Tim Pawlenty’s soul will be worth as much as he values it. And as scientists will tell you, you can’t divide by zero.

Pawlenty: Science ‘In Dispute’ Over Whether Gays ‘Born This Way’ [ThinkProgress]