Every Sperm is Sacred

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_Os0cwpCQE

Just so you know who to blame: “The decline of America began in Colorado in 1967,” declares PersonhoodUSA is this delightful recap of every wingnut meme of the past two generations. (Don’t miss the special cameo by Barack Obama as the Angel of Death!)

Why Colorado? Something to do with legalizing abortion. You can fill in the rest.

But why this ad? Why now? Well, seems Colorado has an anti-abortion amendment on the ballot:

Section 32. Person defined. As used in sections 3, 6, and 25 of Article II of the state constitution, the term “person” shall apply to every human being from the beginning of the biological development of that human being.

We have to admit, “biological development” is a new one to us. And it presents something of a chicken-and-egg problem: Presumably it protects the property rights of Blastocyst-Americans (as Colorado’s Section 3 declares), but where do you draw the line?

If we were Christine O’Donnell — which we are! — we would argue that “biological development” includes the waste product of self-pleasuring, since you can’t have a zygote without a little wiggler engaging in forcible entry.

So what about the little wigglers who meet a cruel fate, self-inflicted or otherwise? Where’s the justice for them?

But here’s the real problem: We trace our own biological development all the way back to the Alpha Amoeba, since the life it carried millions of years ago is the very same life we carry within us today — the very same life carried by every living thing. If the amendment passes, Colorado might find itself only a lawsuit away from being the first state in the nation to enshrine Pantheism.