Stinque Avatar Dark

So didj’a see that fancy special effects extravanagnza called Avatar? I bet you did… like basically everyone else on the planet. You probably know that the movie has become the bane of conservatives the blogosphere over because it undermines the notion that people with the most badass weapons are allowed to take whatever the Hell they want from people who still run around in loin cloths and fight with bows and arrows.

But here’s one I bet you didn’t know: were you aware that Avatar had a sex scene that was totally deleted for the feature film release but will be showing up as a special feature when the DVD hits the shelves? Well, yup it did. And if you guessed that the scene probably in some way involves those tendrily thingies that the N’avi have at the ends of their tails then… bingo! You’re spot on. And if this sounds as uncomfortable and cringe inducing to you as it did to me when I first read about it courtesy of Arianna Huffington’s always classy Huffington Post, then you’ll be thankful that I’ll be withholding this deleted portion of the script ’till after the jump.

EXT. WILLOW GLADE

He puts his face close to hers. She rubs her cheek against his. He kisses her on the mouth. They explore each other. Then she pulls back, eyes sparkling.

NEYTIRI
Kissing is very good. But we have something better.

She pulls him down until they are kneeling, facing each other on the faintly glowing moss. Neytiri takes the end of her queue and raises it. Jake does the same, with trembling anticipation. The tendrils at the ends move with a life of their own, straining to be joined.

MACRO SHOT — The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.

JAKE rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system and hers. The ultimate intimacy. They come together into a kiss and sink down on the bed of moss, and ripples of light spread out around them.

THE WILLOWS sway, without wind, and the night is alive with pulsing energy as we DISSOLVE TO —

LATER. She is collapsed across his chest. Spent. He strokes her face tenderly.

JAKE
Neytiri, you know my real body is far away, sleeping.

She raises up, placing her fingertips to his chest —

NEYTIRI
This body is real.
(she touches his forehead)
This spirit is real.

Her eyes are luminous, honest, infinitely deep.

NEYTIRI
When I was first your teacher, I hated all Sky People. But you have also taught me.
(whispering)
Spirit is all that matters.

She lays her head down, against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.

JAKE
We are?

NEYTIRI
Yes. It is our way.
(innocently)
Oh. I forgot to tell?

He rouses up, making her look at him.

JAKE
Really, we are?

NEYTIRI
We are.

JAKE
It’s cool. I’m there.

He lays his head down, and her arms enfold him, sheltering him as he sleeps.

For want of a better way of describing it, let’s just say it reads to me the way the marionette sex scene in Team America World Police would have come across if, instead of playing it for laughs, Trey Parker and Matt Stone had  intended the coupling to be taken seriously.

(While I first ran accross this on the Huffington Post, the script seems to have been deleted, so I have copied the above from Movieline)

14 Comments

It’s cool. I’m there.

I’m having it tatooed on my ass.

@Serolf Divad: Because I have not and will not see Avatar, please tell me that Sigourney Weaver did not have to participate in that scene. I always liked her.

Wow, what an asshole. The Man Who Fell to Earth pestorking sequence was much better and the whole thing was done with two people and a gallon of oatmeal.

Not only do the Jesus freaks deprive us of human sex scenes, they deprive us of alien sex. Thank you Board of Censors. Thank you MPAA. And fuck you, right in the ear.

@Mistress Cynica: No, her character was mostly spared indignity.

I’ll wait for the DVD (obligatory pop-culture study), but meanwhile, the last person in the world I would expect to see it just reported in:

“I just got done seeing Avatar in 3D, so my brain is fried.”

They have 3D in Eugene? This is news.

The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.

Indecent semicolons may have to wait.

@nojo: I will wait as well … theaters around here have become almost unfriendly.

@blogenfreude: I have been running around like a madman on the weekends since before christmas, so no avatar for me yet either.

btw
the scene in Team America was only the funniest thing ever put on film.

Hold on…

Avatar features floating mountains and Unobtanium? How does this differ from Bullwinkle’s floating Mt. Flatten and Upsidaisium?

nojo: Not for nothing, but is there a network which airs the Rocky and Bullwinkle show? I miss that on Saturday mornings.

mellbell: Sigourney’s pull as a member of the Stanford Mafia pays dividends. Yay!

@chicago bureau: Not that I’m aware of, but Netflix has the whole Bullwinkle DVD stash.

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