America, America

We’re having a hard time finding something to piss us off at the moment, and we really don’t want to resort to Mystery Paultard Rock Stars, so let’s type “outrage” into Google News and see what turns up:

The parent of teen Wiffle ball player expressed outrage yesterday…

See? Right there — right there — our faith in America is restored. As long as it’s still possible, in the year of our fucking lord 2008, to start a sentence like that without pitching it to the Onion, we just might yet regain our virginity as a nation.

Okay, so it’s Connecticut. But still.

So here’s the deal: Some juvenile delinquents have riled up the town by creating an unauthorized wiffle-ball field on a drainage lot. The neighbors are so upset by this disrespect for authority that one of them anonymously mailed a kid’s police report to the rest — attached to a snide note saying “Wiffle ball kids are great kids.”

The offense? Stealing fireworks from a house. Clearly a Bad Seed.

And thus the outrage, since juvenile records should be private.

Alas, the story doesn’t have a happy ending — the town shut down the field last Friday. On the other hand, the nearby manufacturers of Wiffle balls say sales are booming from the publicity.

Leaked report causes outrage [Greenwich Time]