Cape Codpiece

More grim global-warming news: longer, hotter summers have forced New England fauna to conduct their mating rituals out in the open, abandoning the natural camouflage of local nightclubs.

Confirmed sightings of Sandpiperus cavortus at Cape Cod National Seashore reached a peak of 132 last year, compared to only 40 annual displays of Boffus assus prior to 2003.

Field reports include the following:

• A New Jersey family walking with children in the dunes wrote in a September 2007 letter that they encountered “several couples and then a large group of men having group sex in the nude, including oral and anal sex right out in the open,” the park service said.
• A whale-watch boat captain carrying a boatload of tourists also reported seeing 20 to 30 nude men “playing around” near Wood End Lighthouse, another letter from August 2007 reported.

The Stinque Nature Bureau would like to remind members that should you encounter these Beasts of the Beach, please do not disturb their activity, and make sure your cameras are fully charged.

Park Rangers Report Spike In Beach Sex Problem [WCVB]