Tears for Fears

If you could go back a month — heck, let’s make it two weeks — and do things the right way, you could forget the troubling thoughts of the train plane wreck that disrupted everybody’s lives without warning. So just imagine tonight’s Preznidential Debate Open Thread/Do Over as the first such event of the season, and everything will be fine. Oh, and ignore the Demon Rabbit. We have no idea how it got there.

101 comments:

8:50 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Expectations? Let’s see… check the pulse… finish the first beer… Ah.

None.

9:04 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

4 years guaranteed? Pell Grants? This is a hanging curve. Come on, Barry.

9:06 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@chicago bureau: Mitt’s running as a Democrat tonight. Surprise!

9:09 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Oh, Mitt opens the door. How nice of him. RUN THROUGH THAT DOOR.

9:09 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Hey! We’re calling out lies tonight!

9:11 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

That one landed. Here we go.

9:14 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Is Long Island of the Jewish persuasion?

9:15 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

“Energy independence.” A huge whopper — fossil fuels are FUNGIBLE.

Keystone XL comes up.

9:18 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

“Not true, Governor Romney!”
Fight! Fight!

9:18 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Sounds like somebody found where he misplaced last debate’s zingers.

9:18 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Romney is actually puffing up against Obama!

9:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

“use it or lose it.” Good line. Also fact-checkable. And the API is going to, trust me.

9:21 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Obama: I’ve laid pipe.

9:22 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo: nice!

9:22 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

God, Mitt looks like a DICK tonight.

9:24 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@chicago bureau: But how’s it playing? We’re too in the tank to determine.

9:26 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I will not reduce the share paid by the rich. OH COME ON BARACK. DO IT.

9:27 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Glad I won’t pay tax on my ten-cent checking interest.

9:28 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

YES YES YES — FINALLY. The fucking HOUSE. YES.

9:28 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo: Ten cents? Luxury! Elitist! :)

9:30 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

What’s the percentage of workers NOT in the U.S. working for U.S. companies, while Americans struggle?

9:32 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I need beer.

9:33 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Oh, SNAP! Big Bird makes an appearance. LOL

9:33 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Please explain how lowering rates and closing loopholes both lowers taxes and keeps them the same.

9:33 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

9:33 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Why does no one ever call Romney on saying he’s going to make “North America” energy independent”? That’s not the same thing as making the US energy independent because the country we import most of our oil from is Canada. Also, is it just verboten to mention environmental factors that make it a bad idea to do certain things, like drill in Alaska or offshore?

9:36 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Katherine Fenton with the softball for Barry. Geez.

9:37 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I wanna see Candy rush out and push Mitt back.

9:39 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Why are the applicants all men? Because they are all your friends that were in that photo eating money.

9:43 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

“Binders full of women” just jumped into the lead for Meme of the Night.

9:45 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Finally, GWB mentioned. Romney will evade the question.

9:45 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

The Right Wing talkers are going to have a fucking field day with those last two questions. Bank on it.

9:48 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Romney’s 5 point plan:

1, 2, 3. Charles Koch
4, 5. David Koch

9:49 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Let’s hear more about Mitt’s small business.

9:49 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Boy, Obama is GOING TO TOWN. Bringing it hard.

9:52 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

BTW, picked up my FREE $250 birth control pills on the way home tonight. Obama’s got my vote. #slutsforobama

9:54 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I have to edit this.

I couldn’t afford the 8 years before the last 4 years after the 8 years before the last 12 years.

9:55 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@chicago bureau: Haven’t heard those bullet points all year.

10:01 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Mitt keeps claiming existing Obama policies as new initiatives.

10:03 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS VERY GOOD.

10:03 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Bring down my fiddle
Tune up my strings
I’m gonna break it wide open
Like the early roman kings

This has been your Moment of Dylan

10:05 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Bigotry foments the screed that brown people need papers.

Self-deportation: Naiveté or passing the buck?

10:08 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

10:09 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I, Chicago Bureau, hereby certify that I have not looked at my pension.

/s/ Chicago Bureau

10:11 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

It always comes down to “mine’s bigger than yours” for men, doesn’t it?

10:11 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Is there a Canadian Maple Leaf on Romney’s lapel?

10:12 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Mistress Cynica: Not always… but… yeah…

10:14 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Oh, he is PISSED.

10:15 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Wow! He’s dressing down Romney… to his face! Heavy.

10:15 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

How do you debate Whack-a-Lie?

10:16 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Romney loses the debate on this issue. He is stuttering and struggling to recover. Brutal!

10:17 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Here comes Fast and Furious. Careful, Black Eagle.

10:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I agree with Obama… weapons designed for soldiers should not be on the streets… that’s why all my semi-automatic rifles are made of wood.

10:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Targa: I think it’s going to be declared a draw.

10:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I think I saw a Clinton lip bite after “sayin a prayer”…#toomuch or #justright?

10:22 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo: Mitt getting called out by both Barry and Candy on the Day After Benghazi declaration may tip it in Barry’s favor.

10:24 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: If so, that’s a win on points. Doesn’t count.

10:26 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

This outsourcing question. This could be a TKO for Obama if he does it right.

10:27 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Why does Romney have such a hard-on for China? Is this a red-herring?

10:28 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Targa: Rove: Attack your opponent on your weakness.

10:32 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

My $999.00 Made in China Apple MacBook would cost over $3,000 if made in America… and sadly, it’s technological lifespan would be 9 months.
Probably.

10:33 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

BACK OFF MY IPHONE 5, BITCHEZ.

10:34 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Targa: That much? I thought iPhone labor was about $15. It’s the manufacturing expertise, not the expense.

(Sent from my iPad)

10:37 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

There it is!!! 47%…. The hammer drops!

10:38 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

GAME SET MATCH.

10:38 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

47%! FUCK YEAH!!

10:38 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Is it wrong that I want to ask Lorraine if I can do Jell-O shots off her belly?

10:40 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Mistress Cynica: I’m surprised Mitt didn’t insist on responding.

10:40 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

YES, YES, YES… MEG RYAN IN “WHEN HARRY MET SALLY” YES!!!

10:40 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Serolf Divad: I’ll have what you’re having.

10:40 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Also: Ann Romney, that color looks SO much better on Michelle than it does on you. Total loss for the Romneys tonight.

10:41 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

David Brooks called it for Barry – including the way he fielded Benghazi.

10:42 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

And Romney opened the door for the uppercut on EVERY SINGLE punch Obama landed. I mean, he opened the door at the end with “I care about 100% of the people.” That was fucking POINTLESS.

Indisputable win for Obama here. Perhaps bigger than Romney’s win a couple of weeks ago.

10:44 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@chicago bureau: I’m still keeping my counsel on a “winner”. First two debates were clear-cut.

10:46 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Okay, Fox called it a draw. I retract my mushiness.

10:48 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo: Beschloss on PBS likened this to Reagan II: The Comeback Debate 1984. And this guy is a historian. But nobody liked the Alpha Male battle.

10:48 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Is it me, or is Chris Wallace starting to sound middle-ground?

10:49 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: The chest-thumping was my favorite part.

10:52 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

I can’t even watch Fox ironically, but apparently they’re dancing as hard as they can.

10:54 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo:

Fox calling the debate a draw basically means that Barry invaded, conquered, sowed Romney’s fields with salt, and 1000 years later it will still be an arid wasteland where nothing grows.

Bravo, Obama!

10:54 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo: That’s why I tuned in… wanted to see what Brit Hume had to say…. he seemed a bit flummoxed. And Wallace was being generous with his words towards BO.
Watching MSNBC hoping for Tweety to lose a cog.

10:56 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

check that… no Tweety… Rachel.

11:01 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Targa: Tweety was calling for a Spiritual Revival a few hours ago, but he’s cool now.

11:02 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@chicago bureau:

I was also surprised that Romney kept referring to “47 million Americans on food stamps.” Who the Hell prepared that moron for this debate? Seriously… every time the number 47 drips from Romney’s lips, what do you think pops into the audience’s head? And then combining the number 47 with “food stamps” just grinds the thought in deeper: Mitt Romney doesn’t really care about these people… he thinks they’re on food stamps because they refuse to take responsibility for their lives, but he’s blaming the president because he thinks it’s politically advantageous. I doubt there was a single person that heard Romney talk about “47 million American on food stamps” who didn’t, at least momentarily, conflate that number with his derisive remarks about the “47%”

A debate coach who wasn’t a complete FUCKING MORON would have had Romney talk about a “nearly 50% increase” in food stamps, or “15 million more people on food stamps.” The last thing you want to do is remind people of your idiotic 47% comments when talking about how Obama has supposedly failed low income Americans.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you…

11:05 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Why is Obama fucking with this piece of shit? Sucker him, get him down, kneel on his chest, rips his fucking arms out and beat him to death with the wet ends, Barry.

11:08 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Take your Mormon Dynasty and shove it up your ass, asshole! Your kids are going to just have to kill themselves with drugs and alleyway knife fights like normal oligarchic scions.

11:09 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Whew. “I am bloody elated”: Sully thinks life’s worth living again.

11:16 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Fuck Sully. You don’t get to cheer for liberation when you sold ammo to the Nazis.

11:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

My biggest disappointment was when Barry did not answer the last question by whipping out a copy of his birth certificate to prove to Rmoney that it is real.

11:19 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@nojo:

Seriously, is that guy manic depressive, or what?

11:28 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

So… I take it that this debate went just a bit better.

11:29 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012
11:49 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

Well we’ll well. So someone finally wiped that smirk off Romney’s face. The president made him look old and irrelevant. Didn’t Candy C do well? The president got in some very good points despite being ashen-faced with fatigue. Very good when Romney denounced him over Benghazi but had his facts wrong and Obama slammed it home. Fine close ups of Romney lost in the fog of conceit aware that something had gone wrong. As ever, the president sported perfectly judged tie/collar/suit combo.

You know my secret dream? The one that doesn’t involve Johnny Earle? I hope Romney calls in sick next Monday. I hope he declares he’s done enough debating and declines to do any more. That’s my secret hope.

11:52 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

@Bendick, others may have been appalled by Mitt’s binders of women or total fuck up over Bengahzi. I was appalled by his hella crooked tie.

11:52 pm • Tuesday • October 16, 2012

All around him are familiar faces
TV places, pancaked faces
Bright and spinning for the preznit races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their heads are shoved up their asses
No aggression, no aggression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The debate in which he’s lying
Is the best he’s ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When Romney talks in circles
It’s a very, very mad world mad world

Demrats waiting for the day they feel good
See Joe Biden, See Joe Biden
And I feel the way that everyone should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Turned on CNN and they were very nervous
No one knew it, no one knew it
Hello Barry did you learn you lesson
Cut right through Mitt, cut right through Mitt

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The debate in which he’s binding
Is the worst he’s ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When Romney spins in circles
Just got dick slapped … dick slapped
Mitt got dick slapped
Dick slapped.

12:10 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Ha! I cried like a five-year-old girl at the end of that movie. Hopefully, I won’t be reprising that sentiment in November.

12:21 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

For the next debate I’d rather see Donna Brazile as moderator. If not her, then Samuel L. Jackson.

1:04 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

Yet again, I thank my Stinquers for watching the debate that I couldn’t watch due to work and fear of stroking out.

@matador1015: Why not Brazile and Jackson together?

@flippin eck and @Mistress Cynica: /scurries off to Tom & Lorenzo to inspect ties and dresses.

@FlyingChainSaw: Sunshine, don’t be a stranger.

@Serolf Divad: COTY.

1:53 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

Just a quick note to thank all of you Stinquers for the fine commentary – which I rip shamelessly for my blog – so I can drink consistently and heavily throughout the debate – and not concern myself with exerting all that wasteful effort of coming up with any original thoughts of my own.

I am ever in your debt.

2:22 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

@libertarian tool: I got five beers in, pal, and still managed to double-team Twitter and this thread.

2:28 am • Wednesday • October 17, 2012

@nojo: Yeah, well… I don’t have Lance Armstrong here injecting performance enhancing drugs in my ass. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but … connect the dots.

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