Zing Theory

After a week of Expectations Management and Earnest Discussions about whether Americans really give a shit, the moment is finally upon us: The Big One. The Rumble in the Bunghole. Alien vs. Predator. And while we offer no predictions for tonight’s Preznidential Debate Open Thread/Diabetes Attack, we’ll be sorely disappointed if we don’t have at least one opportunity to toss our Gourmet Popping Corn in utter disbelief.

119 comments:

8:34 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Bought two packets of nuke popcorn on the way home. Because I love America.

8:52 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

A cold lager from America’s Oldest Brewery ™ and some unsalted nuts here. I should have bought Utz to complete the Ode to Pennsyltucky.

Where’s CB? I hope he’s got his head above water.

ADD: watching over the air digital PBS on my 15 year old Sharp 20″. It’s got a built in VHS in case I want to record anything…

8:56 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: CB was out playing on the Twitters earlier.

And there goes the first bag. As well as the first bottle. Glad I’m stocked up.

9:00 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Delicious 2009 Chateau Lagaurde Saint-Emilion, a Bordeux. What the other 6 people at my house will be drinking I haven’t a clue,

9:02 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

David Brooks declares he loves “wide open chunks” on PBS. Apparently he meant the debate format.

9:02 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Domestic issues? I thought this was the foreign-policy debate.

9:02 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Homemade popcorn with lots of butter and 5 Vulture dark ale here.

9:03 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

“Kick him in the balls,” said Bobby to Jack. According to Tweety.

9:04 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Ooh, boy, jobs.

9:05 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Open with a self-referential zinger, Barry? Really?

9:06 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Mitt starts out the gate lookin’ douchey.

9:06 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012
9:06 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: CB informs me he’s at the bar, sharing his Zingers.

9:08 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Jesus, he’s trying to steal Barry’s plan. Republicans are the new Democrats.

9:09 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Dodgerblue: My bet is 2/3 a bottle.

9:09 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Shit, even Lehrer seems nervous. Is there a drone hovering over Denver?

9:10 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Math is hard, Barry!

9:13 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Romney blinks a lot.

9:13 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Anybody remember Jaime from Get Smart?

9:14 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

I LIKE COAL!

9:14 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: Obama does as well. No advantage there.

9:16 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: A tell that he’s lying.

9:17 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

The president is not crushing so far. I will, however, remember the figure “5 Trillion”.

Think Mitt is going to break into the Internationale anytime soon?

9:17 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Romney’s boys are liars? Did Dad just say that?

9:18 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@texrednface: That was a zinger.

9:21 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: Did Donald Trump make the bingo list?

9:21 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@texrednface: I drank anyway.

9:23 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Uh oh. History.

9:24 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@texrednface: Should have, but no.

9:26 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Please, Mitt, badger Jim Lehrer some more. He loves that.

9:28 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

“I like Big Bird” was planned, but rushed.

9:28 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Mitt likes Coal and Big Bird.

9:29 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Someone told Mitt to make numbered lists for every. single. thing.

9:30 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Bowles-Simpson! Drink!

9:32 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

I’m mostly listening rather than watching (drinking Mr Cyn’s homemade chardonnay here). At first Mitt sounded genial and Obama sounded stiff, but now it seems Barry is hitting his stride and Mitt is sounding shrill and desperate.

9:34 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Is it just me or is Jim Lehr winding down like a clockwork monkey?

9:35 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Overseas Jobs! Drink!

9:36 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: I lost that bet, by the way. All the way through.

9:37 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: He talks too fast. Like the car salesman that tries to convince you: “you’ll only be paying $15.00 more each month.”

9:37 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Does that count as Solyndra?

ADD: What the hell! Drink!

9:39 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Did Romney really just say that he wishes his accountant knew about the tax-breaks-for-outsourcing-jobs scheme?

9:40 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: Yup.

9:40 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

The fucking problem with turning Medicare over to the states is FUCKING states like Texas don’t do the right thing. Texas sucks.

9:42 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Mistress Cynica: Not sure yet. The MittBot has its moments, then seems to go into hyperdrive.

9:43 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

$700 billion in Medicare, drink!!!

ADD: Mitt forgot that math often is just boring.

9:46 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

I wish that Obama would just come out and say that Medicare Advantage deserves to be cut to the bone.

9:47 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Beer no. 2 (see, learning from Mitt!): Two Brothers Ebel’s Weiss

9:48 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

The government is more efficient than the private sector on health care. Jesus.

9:49 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: Mmmm, donuts

9:49 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

God it’s boring. I mean, really! I can’t take any more.

This has become a race between a man who knows how to knot an exquisite tie and a man who doesn’t.

9:50 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@flippin eck: Wheat beer after Labor Day? L’chaim!

9:51 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@flippin eck: Second glass of sangria. (Lest anyone think I’m fancy, it comes in a screw-cap bottle.)

9:52 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Jim is losing control. Mitt is running the debate.

9:53 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Beggars Biscuit: Heh. The fallout of reaping the remaining supply of a friend’s party Saturday.

ALSO, I had beers I intended to share with Homofascist, but he ignored my debate invite (albeit texted a hourish ago).

9:54 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Benedick: yeah, where are the zip guns? The shanks? The Anal Pears?

These guys need to step it up.

9:57 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@texrednface: Agreed. The MittBot is winning on points so far. Barry’s rope-a-dope is ineffective. Time to sting like a bee.

10:03 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

That dollar I spent on nuke popcorn is starting to feel like a major waste.

10:05 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

OMG. Mitch appeals to Dallas 32k millionaires. Little shits that don’t pay any attention to grandma cuz they are too busy cheering the Cowboys and loving on their team. Fuck em.

ADD:Cowboyz r losers.

10:06 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Jim, are you still there?…Jim??….

10:07 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Are we back to death panels? Oh, for Pete’s sake.

10:07 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@flippin eck: For God’s sake, somebody wind him up!

10:08 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

About those health insurance rebates — mine was a paltry four dollars and twenty-three cents. Now, given that the average rebate for a small group plan in my area was one hundred and eighty-six dollars, that means CareFirst was clearly bucking the trend of diverting a large portion of contributions to executive salaries, which is great, but on some level it was nevertheless unsatisfying.

10:10 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: @flippin eck: The Suarez-Ifil News Hour debuts tomorrow, apparently.

10:11 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

If you listen to tapes of Romney explaining the Mass. RomneyCare plan, the difference is it was presented as PUNITIVE. Listen to it. That’s the only diference between ObamaCare and RomneyCare>

Ronald Reagan, Tip O’niel drink…I’m out of booze

10:13 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

I’m one square away from bingo. Come on, guys, talk about abortion or the Supreme Court!

10:13 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@flippin eck: We’ve lost Jim.

10:15 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: My rebate BCBS was about a months premium. Hoping for check, got premium rebate.

Jim leherer is ZZZZZZZ. some one needs to kick his chair.

10:18 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

WTF are they talking about now? And has Obama left with Jim? I haven’t heard anyone but Romney speak for about 10 minutes.

10:20 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

No discussion of social issues, really?

10:22 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Mistress Cynica: JIM LEHRER IS DEAD TO ME!

10:23 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Fuck this. Amazon Prime has the first two seasons of Sherlock streaming for free.
This is almost as bad as the first debate in 2000. We need to get Bill Clinton in as coach.

10:23 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: Ten minutes to talk about ladybits! Go!

10:24 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

OMG, WE’VE LOST A POD!!!

10:25 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Romney’s bullet points are now outlines. Those outlines will be summarized by bullet-pointing… the…. basic…. outline… that was… bulleted.

Romney seems defensive and “itchy”.
Obama appears calm and cool.

Nothing about this debate has inspired me to decide one is/was better than the other. They are both jockeying for that middle ground.
IMHO.

10:26 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: @flippin eck: Apparently, no one cares to talk about the lady issues.

10:27 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@nojo: Should have opened the pod bay doors, Noj.

10:27 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

I’ll bet by the next debate, Romney won’t have that “I just peed in my diapers” look on his face every time they cut to him while Obama is talking.

10:27 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Closing statements. Finally!

10:28 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

“I think this was a terrific debate.” You might be the only one, Mr. President.

10:30 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Looks like Romney’s been doing blow.

10:31 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@flippin eck: @Mistress Cynica: In theory they can address the ladybits in the second debate ( the town hall), but I am skeptical of that actually happening.

10:31 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: My 82 year old mother agrees with you. She said Romney didn’t make sense.

10:32 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Two men enter. America leaves.

10:33 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Oooh, Shelly’s jacket is all structured and shit.

10:34 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Fox News is now making stuff up about the debate. What they saw and what America saw. The real debate begins.

10:35 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@nojo: The duggers swarm stage

10:38 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Gwen Ifil is deftly avoiding the Jim Lehrer issue as she moderates the PBS spin cycle.

10:38 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

As determined as I was to avoid this thing, the taxi driver had it on on my way home from work – had to listen to Mittens’ opening. I could have asked him to turn it off – NYC cabbies are required by law to turn radio off if asked (and not talk on the phone while in motion). But part of me wanted to listen to the train wreck.

10:39 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Even Al Roker is shitting on Jim Lehrer.

10:42 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Barry’s mind was clearly on the Anniversary after-party. Jim Lehrer on fiber.

10:42 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Tweety is losing his mind. I’ve never seen him this crazy.

10:42 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

MSNBC should cut to commercial before Tweety’s head explodes.

10:42 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012
10:48 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Barry and the Dems should just come out and say it when the arguement is : Leave it to the states: SHIT HOLE STATES LIKE TEXAS AND MISSISSIPPI JUST WON”T DO IT! what’s to lose?

10:52 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Where, by the way, were the zingers?

10:53 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Some crazy bitch — what’s her name? — is on MSNBC “fact checking.” I had to turn it off before I started stabbing myself in the eye with my fork.

10:55 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@mellbell: I counted two or three before I gave up.

Also: Obama actually had a four-minute speaking advantage. There goes that excuse.

10:55 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Lehrer was useless the last time he ‘moderated’.

11:20 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Hey, am I remember right? Did the President tell Donald Trump that the Executive Wang was much bigger than Donald’s shriveled ween? I could have sworn I heard that.

Did you hear it, FCS?

11:23 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Eh – Reagan “lost” the first debate to Mondale, and look how that worked out.

11:23 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

You know it was a bad performance when 30 minutes have elapsed and you haven’t received a donation request from one single Democrat.

11:25 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Obama emails: “I hope I made you proud out there explaining the vision we share for this country.”

Well, ummm…

11:26 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@blogenfreude: I don’t see Obama blowing a 130-vote electoral lead over this. But it did suck.

11:49 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

Noj, post a linque of Tweety’s head exploding. I would but I’m too drunk.

11:52 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@nojo: I’m sending 5 buck tip anyway to make up for the romkneeChipotle stiffing

11:53 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@nojo: I liked it better when Bill Clinton explained it.

11:57 pm • Wednesday • October 3, 2012

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: I’m on Sierra Nevada Porter #5 of a six-pack, so I’m not much help. Also, not sure it would be as much fun removed from the moment.

12:14 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@Mistress Cynica: That’s the spirit.

12:29 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

Hola Stinqueros, checking in.

Sorry, I can’t read 109 comments right now because I’m in the middle of doing work until about 1 am, I missed the debate, all I know was I got text messages from multiple people asking “WTF is happening to Obama??” or “Romney is looking pretty good” or “Obama sucked ass tonight.”

/When I stopped hyperventilating, I told myself to go back to document review…I’ll check back in around 2 am PDT and read ya’ll’s take then and probably really start hyperventilating.

besitos…

12:57 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

Ugh. I was trying to study on campus, and people all over were watching the “debate.”

Hurricane of lies aside, how could anyone listen to Rmoney’s whining, aggravating voice without going completely mental? This was a “win” for him? He sounded like someone’s asshole boss from hell, which he is.

1:05 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

Biden Implores Obama To ‘Rub One Out’ Before Debate

“Look, Barry, you need to keep your head in the game up there, and you sure as shit can’t focus if you’ve got a full load flaring up inside you,” said Biden, telling Obama he should feel free to think about the first lady, “Jill [Biden], or whoever pops into your head while you’re polishing the ol’ Capitol dome.” “Hell, I must’ve yanked the crank a good eight or nine times before my debate with Sarah Palin back in ’08…and a few times after, too…”

1:36 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@mellbell: Heard somebody on CNN postulate that the whole “zinger” thing was a premeditated head-fake. Deliberately leaked disinformation to put Team Obama off the scent of the real strategy and engender complacency and overconfidence. Hard to believe they could be that crafty, but it kind of worked.

1:41 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@SanFranLefty: Once you get through your 130 comments here (anticipating the 2AM count) . A slightly less wordy survey and summary for your early morning reading enjoyment.

2:37 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@Benedick:

“This has become a race between a man who knows how to knot an exquisite tie and a man who doesn’t.”

Which is which? It looked to me like Obama went with a simple four-in-hand which struck me as a bit casual for a president of the United States in a formal televised debate. Romney’s half-windsor seemed more appropriate, avoiding the stuffiness of the full windsor.

9:07 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@libertarian tool: Agreed.

9:43 am • Thursday • October 4, 2012

i thought jim lehrer was dead, i was right.
i dream of smacking that stupid grin off mitt’s face, my palms are itching.
gonna go kick something and throw stuff. still upset this morning. what happened to the country i loved and left? again, i will assert my opinion on the one thing that will bring us back to a democracy:
CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM. i object to only rich douchbags getting a shot.
yes, i’m a dreamer, but i’m not the only one.

1:52 pm • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@libertarian tool: As ever we had the president wearing a perfectly proportioned tie in a soft, flattering color, flawlessly knotted and pleated as it should be. And Romney wearing some garish rag, too narrow, no pleat, and the knot too small for his collar.

If we learn nothing else from this campaign can we at least learn how to tie a tie?

2:13 pm • Thursday • October 4, 2012

@Benedick: can we at least learn how to tie a tie?

I’ve lasted this long without that knowledge, and I don’t plan to start now.

I think I’ve worn a tie maybe five times in my life. I’ll have to consult the record.

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