Stinque Recipe Challenge

What did you have with the crab cakes?

I can’t imagine how the recipe you made could be improved.

@karen marie: mashed potatoes and asparagus. The GF’s favorite. But I need a better way to do the mashies, b/c they are not fluffy enough for me. Might be the excuse I need to get this. I am, as you might imagine, on appliance probation b/c I buy too many kitchen gadgets, but I really want that mixer.

@karen marie: Oh, and I saw a recipe w/ nutmeg and a couple other exotic ingredients … so I think there is room for improvement. I should also say – I halved the recipe and got 4 nice-sized crabcakes. And we still have leftovers. Bueno.

Crabcake recipe? Prom? Hello? You know crabs. Wake up, you bastard. Yoo hoo! Get off that boat.

Meanwhile, seems like a lot of breadcrumbs, blog, but what do I know? I would be temped to gently sautee vegetables first and perhaps add fennel. I also wonder about a technique to give them a crisp crust with a chunky, melting interior. Deep frying springs to mind.

Whatever, I would say the single most important step is to not give your crab a name. More specifically, do not call him Phil. Or start worrying about his relatives. It will not make you happy.

@Benedick: I didn’t see the ingredient for worm-eaten brain.

@Benedick: Interesting that the backfin I bought at Fairway was labeled “Made in Indonesia”. Seems like a long way when MD and ME are so close. And yes – I am hoping that Prommie will have a recipe that trumps this one. Damn – crabcakes – they are the best.

@blogenfreude: I would serve with toast points and a simple salad(!!!!!!). Easy to make and would solve the crispness factor. But I know how you str8 boys like to impress the GF with your sensitivies and shit so –

On a potato gallette! How? Well, I (used to) slice potatoes thin. Soak slices in water for 10 mins to get rid of starch. Drain and blot dry. Meanwhile melt a good knob of butter in a heavy pan. Do not let it scorch. When potatoes are dry, add in layers to pan. Half-cover and let cook over low/med heat. When bottom is golden and firm, put plate over pan and invert. Now slide gallette back into pan to cook second side. Do not cover. When whole gallette is done slide onto serving dish, cut in wedges and serve with crabcakes.

This is the origin of the US escalloped potatoes. You can also shred the potatoes, add cream (ugh) and whatever. If you get it right it’s delicious. Another dish I might really serve would be a spinach gratin. Wash spinach in three or four waters. Strip out stalks so only tender leaves remain. Dry thoroughly. Oil a gratin dish. Pack the spinach leaves in the dish and sprinkle top with a dusting of flour. Drizzle a lattice of good olive oil over top (NOT too much) now set in a med hot oven. This is difficult to get right but the ideal is to get a crust on top and cooked, melting leaves within. And the most intense taste of spinach you can imagine. It’s delicious and was invented by Richard Olney of blessed memory in his Simple French Food.

You had to ask.

Stinque Alert!!

I have reason to believe that our beloved leader nojo’s account has been hacked by a Mike Lee impersonator. Pay no attention to anything under the nojo brand till we can clear this up. We must all be kind to each other at this difficult time and pray for nojo’s deliverance. If any of you are in doubt as to whether you’ve got our dear noje showing you his unit on Skype or some fucking retard impersonator – here’s a quick fix. Ask it who was choreographer on the out-of-town tryout of Whistle Down the Wind. Only the most devoted of ALW’s fans, such as our own dear special needs noje, will know the answer to this gayer than gay question. This is why we love him. We don’t care how deep he is in the closet. We just want him back from the claws of this Mike Lee asshole.

Updates to follow and such as.

@Benedick: Yes, I am straight, and yes, it’s easy to cook what she likes. But she’s trainable – did a slow-c00ked brisket a couple weeks ago that had my guests swooning.

Next – Beef Wellington. Not necessarily that recipe, and I have no idea why, I just have to do it.

@blogenfreude: You don’t have a KitchenAid?

I thought that was standard equipment!

I’ve had a cobalt blue one since 1978 and would rather lose my right arm than it.

It’s definitely not a “gadget” but essential equipment for the modern home!

@karen marie: Got a new chrome KitchenAid food processor, but not the mixer.

You have to remember – I store some of my Le Creuset on the floor b/c I have so little room. But … maybe I can rearrange … maybe I can make it work. Because I have to hide the mixer, or I’ll get punched in the arm.

@Benedick: You are making me hungry! What time is dinner?

@blogenfreude: No! No! You can’t hide it! It’s such a beautiful piece of art!

And be sure to get the one where the bowl goes up and down, not the one where the mixer head goes up and down.

But I hear you on the shortage of counter and kitchen storage space. Been there, done that. Sadly, now that I cook much less than I used to, I have plenty of counter space. But maybe I’ll go to the store, get some crab and potatoes and have at it.

I will pray to the food gods that you get a KitchenAid in the color of your choice.

@blogenfreude: Here’s the mashed recipe that will have GF tearing your clothes off with her teeth.

Goodly pile: small red creamer potatoes

Fistful for each serving: garlic cloves

Stick: butter

halfafistful for each serving: diced blue cheese (or can substitute high end chunky blue cheese dressing if you are too shitfaced to use a knife safely.)

Half pint: heavy cream

Freshly ground black pepper

Peel and dice the garlic cloves

Dice the potatoes into quarters and boil until soft enough to fork separate

Saute half a stick of butter and toss in the garlic on really low heat. Take them off once they are sweated.

Mash spuds.

Fold in the garlic and butter. Mash again.

Fold in the blue cheese. Mash again.

Pull out the cream and toss in, for two servings, about half a pint and whip with a whisk.

Grind pepper over it and serve immediately, if GF has not torn your clothes off and is ravishing you like a weasel on PCP withdrawal rampage.

@Benedick: Why would anyone have need to impersonate Mike Lee? There are so many of them, you can just grab one off the shelf.

But avoid the Fucking Retard Model. Bad news.

I grew up on crab cakes made with crushed Ritz crackers, and that’s still what I prefer. My favorite ones contain large lumps of crab, crumbled Ritz crackers, and just enough of the mayo mix (Old Bay is essential) to bind it all together. Serve with remoulade and a green salad. Benedick’s potato galette would be a great side–must try. It’s king crab season here.

@FlyingChainSaw: Will try that this weekend … you can never have enough mashed potatoes.
@Mistress Cynica: Ever make an Old Bay Bloody? As a MD native, that stuff flows through my veins.

I’m thinking sauce bèrnaise instead of mayo. Unless you get grandma to make it drop by drop on the terrace while noje sings show tunes in the basement. I can’t begin to cope with Ritz crackers. You need to explain that to Phil’s widow. And all the little Phils.

Meanwhile, I’ve been planning a trip to Europe. Will I really see Così in the Estates Theatre, Prague? Then will I take the night train to London? I’m told it’s a good place to share a bottle of Jack Daniels (and a back-rub in an upper berth) with disgraced US pols fleeing their alien GFs. Should that influence me? And should I pack more hair product?

I should have some good food porn tomorrow night – Flippin’ and I are going to a 7 course beer dinner at Mindy Segal’s restaurant Hot Chocolate tomorrow night. She is doing dessert and then got 6 amazing chefs to do the other 6, including Rick Bayless of Frontera/Topolabompo/XOCO/winning Top Chef Masters fame. I’ll be taking pictures and posting them in various places.

@Benedick: huh? whu? I was working on the boat, how did you know.

That there is actually a very good crabcake recipe.

The thing that I do, which is preference and not “better,” is that I don’t like to use breadcrumbs as a binder within the crabcake, though such is perfectly legitimate. In lieau of the mayo and egg to bind the crabmeat, I will use a thick roux, flavored identically as in that recipe. Then, I will use fresh breadcrumbs to make a wonderful crispy crust, its a huge pain in the ass, but you have to form the cakes, dredge in flour, then dip in egg wash, then put into a huge bowl of fresh bread crumbs and carefully, messily, coat with the breadcrumbs (good fresh bread that you have cut up and put in a food processor briefly.

Your hands soon like like you are wearing baseball mitts.

Its time consuming, too, to get the roux to really bind them properly, you have to refrigerate them for an hour or two, and then after the messy breading process, you have to refrigerate for a while before cooking, yes, in oil about an inch deep.

I likes chipotle remoulade, or dijon mustard, lemon juice, worcestershire, and and sour cream mixed up into something resembling Joe’s Stone Crab sauce.

@blogenfreude: You have to really look hard to get US Amurrican crabmeat these days, even if you are shopping at the best places, and this bothers me, and it bothers me that they try real hard to hide the fact that your shit came from Vietnam or Borneo or wherever. I don’t like eating heavily processed foods that come from places with corrupt governments, no regulations, destitute workers, and typhus, and stuff like that.

@blogenfreude: Do you have a potato ricer? That creates the perfect consistency for mashed potatoes. My suggestion for the crab cake recipe would be less breadcrumbs and add red chile pepper flakes and finely minced garlic, but I put garlic in everything I cook so that’s just my preference.

@FlyingChainSaw: Do you also advise having a defibrillator on hand when consuming those orgasmic potatoes? Half of a cup of heavy cream and what sounds like a pound of blue cheese? Jesus H. Christ man, of course they’re orgasmic, they deliver you to heaven. (I often add blue cheese to my mashed potatoes, just not as much as you).

@Promnight: I’m lucky to have a co-worker whose husband is an avid sportsman and considers a weekend wasted if he hasn’t trapped, shot, or hooked something edible. He likes to go crabbing, and she isn’t that fond of crab, so we get the extra.

@FlyingChainSaw:
I think I suffered a heart attack just reading your post.

@Promnight: I was thinking about that sort of treatment, like flouring and frying off meatballs. But I went (mostly) with that recipe.
@SanFranLefty: No potato ricer … but thanks! Another chance to buy a kitchen gadget.

@blogenfreude: The ricers are not as spendy as a Kitchen-Aid, but go for a bigger one. Oh, and I can’t believe you don’t have a Kitchen-Aid. Make the space – we keep ours in a closet because of no counter space.

ADD: We own a variation of this ricer though the stainless steel ones look nice. You want to use one with a cylindical shape.

@blogenfreude: Come to che dumpster, I will give serve you these crabcakes, and we will make them together. They go perfectly with the thai tomato essence martinis!

Stinqueros, all are invited.

Oh, today I had the best day I have had in months, back pain is minimal after my second epidural, and I am completely tearing out the interior of my boat and renovating, I built a settee (couch) with massive storage underneath today, and started on moving the kitchen up from the lower deck to the salon (the big room at deck level). I did all the rough cabinetry work today, tomorrow I go buy the teak to make the cabinet faces. Its gonna be beautiful, my best woodworking project ever, I haven’t built any furniture in years, this is so exciting.

I am taking a US made economy trawler, and I am just covering the interior with teak, covering up all the fiberglass and fabric surfaces with teak, like a real, traditional trawler, and its looking good already.

@SanFranLefty: You can, if you’re all concerned about that kind of thing, forgo mashing, substitute olive oil for the butter and just double up on the garlic and dress with lemon for a Mediterranean variation. Fork mix. It’s just as luscious in a different way. The crab meat probably packs more killer cholesterol.

@blogenfreude: Remember, wee creamer spuds and leave the skins on. As a health fanatic I will of course remind you of all the nutrients in the skin.