Strap Your Hands Across My Engines
Maybe it’s best that we can’t find details about this, but Edward Smith of Washington really loves cars. No, he really loves them. Yes, that way.
His current squeeze is Vanilla, a white Beetle. This follows tempestuous affairs with Victoria (’69 Beetle) and Cinnamon (’73 Opal), but he also likes to rock the larger ladies, like Ginger (’93 Ranger). And then there are the thousand or so one-night stands in showrooms and with strangers’ cars, which might explain those neighborhood alarms going off at 2 a.m.
Smith himself is a ’51 American who peeled his first paint at 15. “Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall, but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters, it’s just wonderful,” he says when he’s not shagging the upholstery.
We’d write more, but our Civic has been a bad coupe and needs to be punished.
BURR DEMING • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Thank you for this, nojo. He was a wonderful talent and, by all accounts, a wonderful human…
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Oh, and there’s a Catholic church across the street. Maybe I can do a little dance for them!
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Now that I’m in NYC, plenty of pigeons to poison in his honor.
NOJO • All the Vice President's Men 2025 update: Nothing happened. And here we are!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Weeping Angel Imagine going from hope to Fascism in less than two decades enabled by greedy ass (millionaire)…
NOJO • Nightmare at the Museum From the last time he threatened to bomb Iran, 2020. Remember that one? All a misty blur now.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: I have birthright citizenship in Cascadia, so I think I’m good.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Only the sane parts... like the West coast, New England (minus the Bruins and…
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: So, can you guys annex us now?
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! PP is done. 51st state, my ass.