Scratch-Off Presidential Tickets

Libertarian veep wannabe Wayne Allyn Root is no stranger to failure — he even wrote a book about it. But rather than go for the easy gag about The Joy of Failure, we figured that must be the tip of an iceberg filled with even easier gags.

We were not disappointed.

From Millionaire Republican: Why Rich Republicans Get Rich — and How You Can Too!:

There is a “Red Storm” brewing in America. Currently, the GOP controls the United States presidency, Congress, Senate, Supreme Court, and majority of governorships and statehouses. That will not change.

Publication date: 2005.

So, how does a guy who has been “rejected from law school, failed at real estate, lost an election, became an entertainment agent and was fired six months later, lost several jobs, and failed at numerous businesses in several different industries” finally succeed?

Gambling!

That’s right — all you need to do is start your own Vegas handicapping business, and soon you’ll be enjoying fame, fortune, palatial estates, trophy wives, and that black hole where your soul used to be.

But not to worry, Root remains a friend to failure. He’s the vice-presidential candidate because he lost the top spot to Bob Barr.

Milliionaire Republican [Amazon]

Vegas’ White House hope [Vegas Sun]