The Home-Schooled Obstetrician

Proof Ron Paul is wrong… Rand Paul, self certified ophthalmologist and resident loon.

For the record I would HATE my dad teaching me. He tried but he is one hell of a shitty teacher-no patience.

So writes a man who never worked a day in a free market in his life.

@Benedick:
It’s like my mom the non engineer telling me how to do my job (and she has, oh she has.)

The best part of awards show season? The post-show fashion analysis by two of my favorite gays.

And Chainsaw, Dodger, and the other str8 boys will enjoy the fantastic Christina Hendricks.

@SanFranLefty: It was pretty boring overall. Also, I hate to say it, but irony as a firm of humor is getting a little tired…

Why has not Michael Douglas been excoriated for his fantastically homophobic ‘joke’?’Top? Bottom? Fuck you you talentless piece of shit.

You know who else was a total fag-this, fag-that jokester? Streisand. An evil mouth on her denigrating gay men.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Irony is hot and hard and juicy and creamy. It explodes in your mouth, blessing your tongue. Sarcasm, on the other hand, is death. As I’ve noted before :

Snark=Death

But that’s just me. I just think it’s adorable anyone watched the EMMYS.

@SanFranLefty: The best part is Seacrest not knowing what a Sargent painting is.

TJ/ I thought my computer was finally dying until I realized my true hardware issues come from the shitty throughput on this fucking Comcast piece of shit modem/router. I HATE IT

It’s time to upgrade and stop renting something that makes me remember the good old days of dial up.

Friends, Geeks, Stinqueemen: I need a modem and a router that can deal with my kid playing League of Legends while I torrent stream. My apartment is 700 sq ft max, and I have to plug into the fucking modem or balance it on my knee to use wifi. Funds are limited, and I seriously need advice. I was looking around NewEgg (that’s where I got my old SurfBoard), and modems are like $180? Shit. Routers are more ridiculous, but I’ll be damned if I’m paying for this POS in November.

@JNOV: I have a Linksys cable modem with Airport Express, and I stream a shitload of Netflix over Apple TV.

Main thing with a cable modem is to get something with the same “DOCSIS” version as your cable company. I think the standard these days is 3.0, but it’s been a few years.

@JNOV: It’s like Edison yelling down that tube.

@Benedick: Straight actors are always amazed by their own coolness and even-handedness when their job requires that they kiss a dude. They feel it gives them gravitas and a free pass. They get to use the ling-o, or so they think. Anyhow, Matt Damon is TOTALLY the bottom.

All I can say is that Neil Patrick Harris is the luckiest queen since Dolce first grabbed Gabanna’s ass.

And I used to live for snark. It made me feel superior, like the in-crowd, twitchy and bitchy and all kinds of manic, but alive, but ALIVE, BUT ALIVE!!!!! Now it just makes me feel like a second-rate Redstate commenter.

@nojo: @JNOV: IS it just me or does this IOS7 thingie have some kinks that still need working out? That supercool calendar pulldown told me just now that it is ninety degrees at 9:00pm on a Monday, and that today’s high was 89.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: The weather, as before, comes from Yahoo. It should match the first screen of the weather app — presuming you have Location on, so it can take a GPS reading.

Or maybe it was just a cold day in Hell.

@nojo: Apologist.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: The proper insult is Fanboy.

For the record, Friday’s Apple TV update bricked my puck, so it’s not like they’re perfect.

@nojo: Since we’re seeking geek advice . . . when I tried to install ios7, I got the message “device isn’t eligible for requested build.” I have an iPhone 5, iTunes and Mac OS are up to date, I don’t have any 3rd party security software to turn off, so I’ve run thru all the trouble-shooting tips from Apple. WTF?

@Mistress Cynica: Got me there — updated my 5 last week.

Over-the-air, not via iTunes. Maybe try it that way.

Maybe it was just luck, but I was able to “upgrade” 2 iPhone 5s and and 2nd gen iPad with no problems. It seems like they took away my panorama camera! Also updated my Apple puck last Sat with no problems. I think the best time to try to update is the overnight hours and early in the am. Good luck.

@Mistress Cynica: Follow this article.

@nojo: THanks! That worked. Now to figure out how to close an app. Nothing happens when I double-tap the home screen.

@Mistress Cynica: You’ll see the open apps parading across the bottom of the screen. Swipe them up, and they close.

@Mistress Cynica: Double-click the home button to get the new Parade of Apps. Although you shouldn’t generally need to “close” an app, unless you mean just exiting via the home button.

@BobCens: Pan Cam should still be there (on the 5), but now you need to slide that little list above the cam button to reach it — PANO is far right.

@nojo: I’ve found that Siri, who is often unpleasant anyway, now claims that she is unavailable at random times. In contrast, voice search on Google is always good.

@SanFranLefty: They are wrong about Claire Danes.

@Dodgerblue: Even Apple partisans prefer Google Now.

Me, I only use Siri to set timers. And I already miss the old voice.

@nojo: Have you tried Waze? Google bought the company but hasn’t integrated Waze into Google Maps, as far as I can tell. Waze was useful once when a freeway was jammed and it gave me an alternate route that made sense.

@nojo: I switched it to the dude immediately. THere’s a new girl voice?

@nojo: I found it! It was almost blanked out on the far right of my screen. I’ve got a herd of ibis in my backyard I wanted to shoot using the pano. Mission accomplished. Thanks.

@Dodgerblue: Ooh, could not disagree (i.e., agree with T Lo) more. “Listen to me, do me, marry me” captures it well, though perhaps the first part ought to be “respect me” so as to render the construction more parallel.

@mellbell: Well, I am quite taken with Claire Danes and so may not be an unbiased observer.

@Dodgerblue: @mellbell: Yeah, I think straight women and gay men can agree that was not a flattering look. One of the worst bodices since Gwyneth’s “chicken cutlet boobs” outfit.

@Dodgerblue: Three miles to the coffeehouse. Don’t need a traffic app.

@BobCens: Listened to Herd of Ibis on iTunes Radio. Not impressed.

@Dodgerblue: Are you joking? They were spot-on re: Claire Danes. I give the girl props for not giving in to Hollywood pressure and getting a boob job, but that dress is so not flattering to someone with an A cup. The dress looked like a nightgown, frankly. And the anchorwoman hair (again, spot-on by T-Lo) did not go with it in the least.

@SanFranLefty: Also, Homeland not as good as buzzed.

Man, I’m taking a beating from the fashionistas here.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: iOS7thingie is good on my 4. No issues except learning some new swiping techniques. I waited a week and downloaded it to iTunes. Don’t know if any of this matters. All in all, I like it.

@nojo: Yeah, I was reading up on the DOCSIS business. 3.0 is still what Comcast, AKA the Great Whoremonger, uses. I want to try to future proof without going broke, so I think I’ll get an 8×4 even though Comcrap uses 4×4 channel bonding. I found a SurfBoard for under $100. Now to find a wireless router.

First. World. Problems.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Oh, and try Wunderground. They do kinda okay with Seattle weather. 70% chance of rain = sun.

@Benedick: Ha! Indeed!

@Dodgerblue: What. That she should have hung it up after Freaks and Geeks?

T-shirts. Jeans. Sneakers. Maybe a hat if you wanna get fancy.

@Benedick: What happened? (I don’t do award shows.)

Oh. Claire Danes did the J-Lo Boob Dress without the navel part. J-Lo should be sued for starting that shit.

What is going on? I have no idea what this is about. Living in God’s country I can’t get Siri. That voice was Claire Danes? There’s a man voice? Can it be Jeremy Irons? If you ask it where to marry your boyfriend can it lecture you about fathers marrying their sons and what B&Bs to avoid in West Cornwall?

@JNOV: I don’t do EMMYS.

@Benedick: Are all these awards shows acronyms? Tonys (or is it “Tonies”? or is it for the tony?) — does that stand for anything? Theater of New York Subways?

NOT SNARK! I am NOT SNARKING. I’m being silly.

@JNOV: oh, I admit to bring snarky as hell. I’m just not proud of it anymore.

@Benedick: Take your pills, dammit. I’m not going to tell you again.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: I’m with you.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Hey. If I get caught up in the furlough, I’m hitchhiking to LA and couch surfing. You’ve been warned.

@JNOV: Good deal. Furlough, Bleh.

@JNOV: @Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Well, Ted just finished blathering, and the Senate is expected to vote on, uh, cloture? Well, soon. Then there’s the actual vote, which sends it back to the House, where we get to watch Boehner do his Young Frankenstein Puttin’ on the Ritz for a couple days.

Nobody’s yet expecting the guvmint to shut down next week. But we’ll get to watch the entire show again when the debt limit expires in mid-October.

Can we just be over the whole debt limit thing already? Just got back from a lengthy vacation which included essentially no news intake, and I’m starting to think that’s just how I should live my life.

@nojo: That Apple update fried our Apple TeeVee as well. I’ve no idea what combination of voodoo and black magic that Mr. ¡A! utilized to fix the device, but there was more melodrama for him than an episode of ER.

/Obummercare update/

My HMO just sent a letter informing me that the premium for my already shitty hospital-only policy is gonna double in January–on top of the 15% increase that already went through this year–and my deductible is increasing from $4,000 to $8,000 all thanks to the “Affordable” Healthcare Act. I’m gonna have to cancel my policy and go without health insurance for the first time in my life.

I sincerely hope that every member of CONgress and the Executive Branch involved in inflicting this insurance industry scam on this country gets the most agonizing form of ass cancer imaginable. /end rant

@IanJ: Welcome back! You may have missed this:

Depraved Masochist Enjoys Following The News

We keep getting scary ass emails that say something like, “Our budget is cool through [some time I forgot] in 2014. Buuuuut, some of you might still have to go. We’re not sure. Blah “

@¡Andrew!: I had to plug mine into iTunes with a micro USB cable, which I have because Geek. Then it upgraded properly.

And Obamacare? Well, I’ve been sans insurance most of my adult life (last full-time job: 1983), so I’m curious whether Cal’s version lets me come in from the cold. Otherwise, I’ll just have to continue Not Getting Sick.

@IanJ: I have been pretty tuned out lately (not to the same degree as you, but still). In class last Monday the professor alluded to “today’s events” (i.e., the Navy Yard shooting), and I had zero idea to what he was referring. Finding out later that day certainly was not rewarding in any way.

@ mellbell,
I’ve also been questioning whether there’s any point in following the nooz. 99% of it is negative–which skews my perception of reality–and there’s nothing that I can do about any of it anyway. I’m reminded of that wonderful Oscar Wilde quote about ignorance being a beautiful flower.

News vacations are good.

@JNOV: Pet name for the Antoinette Perry Award. I have no idea who she was. The hub suspects a producer.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: The pugs steal them and bury them in the garden. Next thing you know I’m foaming at the mouth.

@¡Andrew!: I can’t think that’s right. My rates have risen slightly since the act passed. They’re now just under $10,000 a year. Which is A LOT. I don’t use an HMO. I’m looking to see if I can find something cheaper that’s acceptable. Have you seen any of the info sites? I’ve been reading this.

@¡Andrew!: Speaking of Oscar Wilde…

@Benedick: I looked up Antoinette Perry since you weren’t going to tell us about her. She seems to have three main claims to fame: co-founding the American Theater Wing, producing & directing “Harvey”, and acting in “The Ladder” which is described as the longest running flop in Broadway history.

Reading quotes from reviews of “The Ladder” made the search worthwhile. For example Walter Winchell: “Davis would have gotten his message across better by wrapping a sandwich in a pamphlet and giving it away.”

Dude. This EAT24 driver just harassed the hell out of me because his tip didn’t show up on the invoice. I was like, “Dude. I tipped you. I’m sorry I don’t have cash. This amount on this paper you’re waving in my face? It’s not what I paid, okay? It also doesn’t show the coupon code and the discount I got.” He was like, “You ALWAYS tip, and here it says zero. See? Zero!”

“Well, get back to Giovanni’s and check with them.”

::weird new io7 ring::

ignored

::fucked up ring again::

that bastard can leave me a fucking message

….

“You called me?”

“Yes. You were right. I looked at the thing and saw the tip.”

“You were so obnoxious, I was going to ask for a different driver or never order anything from you guys again.”

“The tip is on here.”

“Uh huh.”

My so-called life

@Dave H: As I understand it the American Theater Wing does ‘outreach’ and is a philanthropic institution. They also have mentoring programs for young producers where they can learn how not to return phone calls and to never, ever, under any circumstances read a play.

@JNOV: I’m on my way to the vet with two bags of dog shit.

You have to know how to play the health insurance game. Cuz Cruz doz.
He does not have healthcare through the guv. No! According to the NYT his wife, who happens to be a Goldman Sachs regional manager, provides the healthcare in the Cruz family. Now we know who wears the pants.

@Benedick: Substitute “court” for “vet” and this well describes many of my days: “I’m on my way to the vet with two bags of dog shit.”

Here’s how REI gets you:

Years ago, you buy a membership and get like a $6 dividend or something.

You move somewhere with no REI and think wistfully of your first Nalgene and Gortex.

You lose your only coat and think, “AwwwwYeaaaaaah. I am in REI Country! Woot fucking w00t!”

You find a ecofriendly waterproof warm as hell no animals were hurt jacket on sale fuck the dividend and get some super special my hands will never freeze again gloves and then

you see the flannel and the infusion mug and there goes your rent money. But you’ll get a dividend!

@Dodgerblue: At least Claire Danes’ dress wasn’t as bad as this one.

And yes, it’s Thursday, and I’m still working through T-Lo’s Emmys coverage.

What did Ms. Dodger have to say re: Danes’ dress? I’m sure she has an opinion.

@JNOV: Ah, flannel. Been awhile.

Also long past: puffy coat.

@nojo: I saw the Michelin Man coats and ran. Same with the quilted ones. But the flannel… I love the ’90s!

@Benedick and Dodger: I have ten pounds of shit and a five pound sack.

@¡Andrew!: Many thanks for the Onion link! (Looking forward to reading Christ Reluctantly Enters Area Man’s Heart, which I shall now do.)

@mellbell: Many thanks to you also, for the link to the-toast.net. I can add it to my pantheon of Websites That Enable Me To Stay Comparatively Sane. Charter members of said pantheon are Wonkette and Stinque and the Onion.

@lynnlightfoot: Definitely add it to the pantheon. The Toast is one of my fav go-to sites these days (along with Tom and Lorenzo).