My Favorite Target

Attempted bribery? How does he figure that?

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing:
Because that’s what he would do. That and crap in his diaper while demanding his hooker wipe it up while wearing a tacky leopard print dress and shrieking about how David’s an evil boy for making a mess of his diaper.

You know he does.

@ManchuCandidate: Yeah, but it doesn’t make any sense. The bribery thing, I mean. Not the diaper thing. Though I have to admit I don’t get the diaper thing either. I mean, I get bad boys. BELIVE ME, I understand bad boys, amirite Benedick? But the diaper thing seems, um, just yucky somehow. Like, how is that even sexy?

Also, too, extortion I get, sorta. He could say “extort”. But not bribe.

Both ladies have well-hinged jaws.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: And really? He wants to take on Boxer? She’ll cut that asshat in a second, all 4’11” of her.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Meanwhile, you might appreciate this photo of Freakee Friday the 13th in Ess Eff: naked man perched on a light pole in the Financial District. Because why not? Still working on coming down the Burning Man high, no doubt. And Folsom Street Fair is just a couple weeks away…

ADD: More pics

@SanFranLefty: He is well fit for a crazee, homeless dude.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Yes we have so many homeless folks in Ess Eff that we get buff ones from time to time.

You know, with Republicans around the country pushing legislation that denies Medicaid, food stamps and federal student loans to people who have convicted of drug use I think it’s about time we denied health benefits to legislators who irresponsibly patronize prostitutes.

Elect me to congress and the first bill I will proposed will allow insurers to deny coverage for venereal disease treatment to any state or federal legislator who has been convicted of soliciting prostitutes. I will call my bill the “David Vitter Taxpayer Protection Act.”

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing:
Maybe Boxer offered to change him.

@SanFranLefty: Finally! A nekkid guy in public that one actually would want to see nekkid–as rare as a purple, polka-dotted squirrel, thank you.

Depraved Masochist Enjoys Following The News

CALDWELL, ID—Calling it a vital part of his daily routine, local man and utterly depraved masochist Richard Petrillo revealed to reporters Friday that he enjoys keeping up with the news.

The sick man, who confirmed that he makes a concerted effort to follow all manner of current events, evidently derives pleasure from torturing himself in this way, saying he likes to know as much as possible about the world in which he lives.

“It’s important to stay informed, you know?” the degenerate continued while perusing a news website.

Yom Kippur massacre: UCLA 41-21 over Nebraska. Now watching Tennessee v. Nike from Eugene.

@Dodgerblue: Uklah was not off to a good start. Neither was the U of Nike.

Texas A&M better get their shit together. Can’t believe I’m cheering for the Aggies.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Spanking. Has Daddy/Mommy’s baby been a bad boy?

Good God, you know how that goes. It’s one step from handing out napkins to changing diapers.

TJ/ Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

The Olympics are coming! I luv heem. Fuck The Flying Toemahtoe. Time for White to hang it up.

How do you pronounce Gonzaga?

@JNOV: Guhn-zah-gah.

@¡Andrew!: Yay!