Happy Birfday, US Amerikah!

Guess what comes up when you search for “cheesy American flag eagle” on Google images?

Go blow shit up, eat some high-nitrate hot dogs, drink watery beer made in St. Louis, and whatever you do, don’t think about our non-existent civil liberties. That’s the American way!

33 comments:

12:15 pm • Thursday • July 4, 2013

What happened to your Giants?

1:11 pm • Thursday • July 4, 2013

@Dodgerblue: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, I have no effing clue. Bad timing with injuries, slump, Timmy cut his hair/isn’t smoking weed, I dunno….

10:59 pm • Thursday • July 4, 2013

Another crucial issue is how long we’ve gone without anything even remotely scandalicious. Rumor has it that a(nother) notoriously anti-gay RepubliKKKan lawmaker or three is about to be outed. Perhaps some wretched soul is finally gonna tattle on Miss Graham and Miss McConnell. Whatever, the wait for the inevitable is intolerable.

11:32 pm • Thursday • July 4, 2013

@SanFranLefty:
Baseball karma. The BABIP gods have given Gnats their WS now it is time to pay the piper.

11:33 pm • Thursday • July 4, 2013

@¡Andrew!:
No drama Obama?

Kidding, he’s got some drama with the NSA watching every packet of data (hi NSA!) but not like the W years.

1:39 am • Friday • July 5, 2013

That eagle is always so sad.

Speaking of sad, I saw The Lone Ranger today. It was surreal. Absolutely obsessed with race, yet somehow still racist. There was a creepy biblical love triangle, and Johnny Depp was doing a version of Jack Sparrow as channeled by Keanu Reeves. There was a teleporting horse. Really. The horse could teleport.

Wait for On-Demand. Or go stare at a wall for three hours instead.

4:29 am • Friday • July 5, 2013

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Between that and After Earth, it’s the Summer of Failed Vanity Blockbusters.

7:08 am • Friday • July 5, 2013

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing:
I’ll pass and I’m not surprised.

I reluctantly saw Man of Steel.

It was a Zack Synder (300) film and was everything I expected. Big, dumb, loud and loads of SFX with a weak ass plot. No attempt at a “kneel before Zod.” It did make me laugh just once: the scene when they fired the Kryptonian villains into the phantom zone as their capsules looked like flying dildos. Apparently I was the only one who noticed.

The only Zack movie I liked was Watchmen, but only because if he did it in the true Zack Synder way then he would have replaced Joel Schumaker as “history’s greatest villain” as per comic book fans.

9:24 am • Friday • July 5, 2013

@ManchuCandidate: Yeah, there’s the whole totalitarian police state thingy, but I’m talking about scandals that the other 95% of Americans actually care about.

And I also liked Watchmen, so there’s at least two of us!

10:53 am • Friday • July 5, 2013

@¡Andrew!:
Buttsecks! Hookers! Corruption!!

Ultra comic book nerds were upset because of the missing squid. I dunno. The exploding reactors made more sense to be honest.

Having laughed my way through 300 and mocked Sin City, Watchmen was not totally stupid which is about the nicest thing I can say about a Zack Snyder film. Man of Stupid had no real redeeming qualities. Zod was okay.

3:33 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

Hey Lefty, Doyers v. Gnats tonight!

5:18 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

@Dodgerblue: Yeah, luckily the state labor folks told the BART workers to stop the strike for 30 days so it won’t be a complete clusterfuck of folks getting down to the stadium. Though The City is still swamped in fog, so it may be a cold one. Vamonos Gigantes!

9:53 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Depp claims to honor NDNs by wearing some crazy ass outfit designed by a crazy ass wasichu who paints things he hasn’t seen but dreams, and I’m not talking about a vision quest.

IOW, stuffed crow and clown paint. And I mean “Tonto”? Even I know that name means “stupid.”

One of my favorite books is The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie. He also has an excerpt in Walking the Clouds: An Anthology of Indigenous Science Fiction.

At first I thought the leap from myth to sci-fi isn’t huge and discounted the book. I was wrong.

10:30 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

TJ/ Pygmy Goats. I want two or four. Thoughts?

10:40 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

@JNOV: Forgive my ignorance, but what is an NDN?

10:42 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: “Indian” on the internets. One of those “Let’s take an insulting label and make it ours” thing.

10:43 pm • Friday • July 5, 2013

But what about the goats?

8:46 am • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@JNOV: I love goats. I’ve worked with a few in my time. I’ve slept with a couple as well. In younger days.

8:46 am • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@JNOV: 4.

3:15 pm • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@Benedick: Not six? I would go with six.

3:26 pm • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@Benedick: I thought highlanders preferred ramming.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Six is a good number. I don’t like how they neuter them. Maybe I’ll just have does over thar.

4:03 pm • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@JNOV: It’s easier to sex a goat than, say, a rabbit, I think.

4:04 pm • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@¡Andrew!: I liked Watchman. Giant blue penis.

5:26 pm • Saturday • July 6, 2013

@JNOV: Highlanders prefer each other.

12:16 am • Sunday • July 7, 2013
12:23 pm • Sunday • July 7, 2013

@JNOV: Are fainting goats related to pygmy goats? If you want entertainment value, go for the fainters.

3:31 pm • Sunday • July 7, 2013

@matador1015: Heh. Nope. I’ve seen video of the fainting ones. Syncope is caused by panic, and I’d rather not share my benzos.

5:43 pm • Sunday • July 7, 2013

HOBO SPIDERS!

4:20 am • Tuesday • July 9, 2013

@JNOV: I can’t read Sherman Alexie. Too much like real life and too fucking depressing.

I just deleted a slice of life I wrote about an NDN woman buying a 30 pack of beer at night in a gas station in the Navajo reservation bordertown of Gallup NM. It sounded like perpetuation of negative images, but like I said, it’s real life and it’s fucking depressing.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Watchman fan, both the comic and the movie.

Geeks: Why is there not a Marvel 1602 movie?

Escapism and escaping.

9:08 am • Tuesday • July 9, 2013

@redmanlaw: Yes. The piece I read was from Flight. It was good. I want to borrow it from the library, but you’re right, many of the themes are there.

P.S. Good to see you, RML. Good.

Tell me what you think about the goats.

6:35 pm • Tuesday • July 9, 2013

@JNOV: I’m down with goats, especially roasted with green chili and a fresh tortilla.

8:41 pm • Tuesday • July 9, 2013

@redmanlaw: cabra al carbon, cabron!

1:03 am • Wednesday • July 10, 2013

@redmanlaw: Dude. That makes three of you who are getting nowhere near my goats. Okay. Four.

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