Mr. Burns and Smithers

We’re being told by starry-eyed political commentators that with the selection of Paul Ryan, the election has become a civics geek’s wet dream: a stark choice between Governing Philosophies.

To which we laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

It would be nice if that were the case. It would be nice if Americans were offered an Honest Choice, instead of one side doing its darned best to keep the other side from voting. It would be nice if one side had the courage of its loudly proclaimed convictions, instead of cravenly stacking the deck every chance it gets.

But that’s not why we laugh.

We laugh at the suggestion that Paul Ryan offers anything approximating a Governing Philosophy. We laugh at the insistence that Paul Ryan holds the real power among Republicans, and that Mitt Romney is just a figurehead.

We laugh, because Paul Ryan is a Toady.

His high school classmates nailed it when they labeled him Biggest Brown-Noser in their yearbook: Paul Ryan has been sucking up to Power his entire life.

He left backwoods Wisconsin as quickly as he could, seeking his destiny in Washington, D.C., which offered more powerful assholes to shove his face into. Once elected to Congress, Ryan practiced his Buttcheek Motorboating to the best of his ability, voting for any piece of crap his party demanded.

It was during this stretch — high school through Bush — that Paul Ryan was famously an Ayn Rand acolyte, although in the Teabagger Era he has learned to Ixnay on the Ayndray. And if you know anything about Ayn Rand, you know that she utterly worshiped Money and Power.

Objectivism wasn’t a philosophy. It was a catechism for Doctrinal Toadying.

Years ago, a friend disabused us of the naive notion that Wall Street holds Power. No, he explained, Wall Street is just Power’s Banker. Power doesn’t live in Manhattan. Power lives in Palm Springs.

Substitute any Wealthy Enclave you wish. Say, oh, Park City. Or Belmont. Or Wolfeboro. Or La Jolla.

As goes Manhattan, so goes D.C.: Paul Ryan holds no real power of his own, save as leader of the Court Eunuchs. Paul Ryan exists to do Mitt Romney’s bidding. Because Mitt Romney has the money. And everything Paul Ryan does is in service to Mitt Romney gathering and keeping as much money as possible.

The relationship isn’t, as some will tell you, between Figurehead and Power. It’s between Mr. Burns and Smithers.

This is ridiculously easy to demonstrate: When Mitt Romney sleeps, he dreams of more money.

And when Paul Ryan sleeps, he dreams of Mitt Romney.

15 comments:

7:37 am • Monday • August 13, 2012

Announcing a running mate a couple of weeks before the convention? Of course, AP and gang are trying to spin it.

Now he’s trying to cry to impress. Ryan is quite the weasel.

10:42 am • Monday • August 13, 2012

From the web:

Rmoney and Ryan are the quintessential Republicans. The economics of Herbert Hoover, the ethics of Richard Nixon, and the hair of Ronald Reagan.

11:32 am • Monday • August 13, 2012

To go along with the Burns & Smithers meme, there’s this.

11:54 am • Monday • August 13, 2012

Zombie-eyed granny-starver Paul Ryan (aka ZEGS) is Willard “Mittens” Romney’s most perfect handmaiden.

12:31 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

Don’t lose sight of the fact that Paul Ryan is a career government employee. How does that sit with the tea baggers?

1:14 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

Just glad the GOP horror show isn’t booked here, like it was in 2004. I gave wrong directions to so many idiots looking for “Ground Hero!” Yet another shitshow courtesy of Mayor-for-Life Bloomberg.

2:09 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@BobCens:
I am still scratching my head over Texas teabagger darlin’ Ted Cruz:
Has all the bells and dog whistles
*long time gov’t employee.
*Trial lawyer for Chinese business interests.
*Born in Canada
* Cuban Father who fought against US supported Batiste regime with Castro.
(His daddy came to USA in 1956 didn’t become citizen until 2005)
The talk is a run for President 2016.

2:15 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@texrednface: Against Ryan, Christie, Jeb Bush, etc? Lotsa luck. There is talk that Los Angeles’ termed-out mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, may run in 2016.

2:52 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@texrednface: Born in Canada

Ummm…

And while we’re there, Ryan 2016 doesn’t get much traction either, because of everybody who decided to sit out this round — knowing last summer that Obama was a lot more formidable than the wingnut party line was allowing.

Thus my year-old prediction of an Electoral College landslide: No special insight on my part. Just noticing what the Rationally Self-Interested Major Players are (or are not) doing.

3:33 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@nojo:
“Born in Canada”
Yes, for many in Texas that’s like being born in Europe.

4:14 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@Dodgerblue: Will his mistress work on the campaign?

4:15 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Which one? He just dumped the latest TV newsreader he was boffing.

4:16 pm • Monday • August 13, 2012

@Dodgerblue: Maybe they should unionize…

12:58 pm • Thursday • August 16, 2012

@Dodgerblue: @Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Speaking of LA, here is a lovely song about your fair city.

2:36 pm • Thursday • August 16, 2012

@mellbell: The Dodgers and Lakers play this when they win.

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