The Cat is Lost in the Negative Space
Title: “I’ll Go Home Then, It’s Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.”
Author: David Thorne
Rank: 50
Blurb: “All new, never before published material from the author of The Internet is a Playground and 27bslash6.com.”
Review: “Although I haven’t bought it and as such haven’t read it, I’m convinced that between the covers are multiple pages filled with properly-spelled words and maybe some pictures. The pages may or may not be bound to the cover with some sort of glue, gum or cat gut (don’t know what it is, but sounds cool). If I can scrape up enough change from my couch or co-workers desks I would love to buy this as my daughter likes penquins and I like sentences. Even though Mr. Thorne has never responded to my fan email or bought anything from me, I will put money in his pocket by putting this in my restroom. If nothing else it will make a great paper cut arsenal for my post-apocalypse survival kit.”
Another Review: “I was tempted to give this book a NO STAR review — the main reason being that it has lots of cats in it. Cats should be on the internet, and it’s a shame that someone has captured all of this cat-related humour, and is keeping it offline. Not free for cat-fans to look at and send to each other. But then I realised… it has cats in it. And that’s a good thing.”
Yet Another Review: “I haven’t read this either, but I’m dropping a star because it doesn’t have a spider on the cover. Plus, the cover’s yellow, which isn’t nearly as cool as black.”
Customers Also Bought: “VMware Fusion 4”
Footnote: The Greatest Post in The Whole World, Ever.
I’ll Go Home Then, It’s Warm and Has Chairs. [Amazon]
Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]
David wrote the reviews. Trust.
I do not understand this, but then again I don’t understand many things.
However, I do know that I’m looking forward to 2Hrs of Martini/Douchebaggery/Lusting/Cold as January Madness tonight (assuming I got the tweet.)
Oh! “Missing Missy”!
@ManchuCandidate: AMC presents the Mad Men Cocktail Guide
@ManchuCandidate: I don’t understand it either. I suspect Harry Shearer has hand in it.
@SanFranLefty:
Interesting, I never knew what an Old Fashioned was.
@SanFranLefty: I’m off martinis until Easter due to Lent. I am not going to let it ruin my Mad Men showing tonight (I didn’t give up wine, and I have a Guinness left over from the Irish holiday). We’ll be watching the 11 Eastern/8 Pacific showing.
@redmanlaw: I guess that means no first-showing spoilers tonight. All 11 ET/8 PT comments must be limited to inconclusive allusions, or flat-out lies.
@nojo: Spoil away. I’ll log on after the show, 1 am Eastern.
OMG, Don Draper did WHAT???
Oops. Sorry. Overdid the pregame cocktails.
Finally a new episode…
Where’s the Bite & Smile? You said there’d be a Bite & Smile.
@ManchuCandidate: And it’s only a quarter over!
“He’s kind and patient.”
“It burns you?”
“It concerns me.”
@nojo:
January hasn’t shown up yet.
@ManchuCandidate: Like everybody looking for signs that Apple’s slipping now that Jobs is gone.
I have tickets to the bean ballet…
@JNOVw00tah:
The Butt Cracker?
@mellbell:
Yeah, but it’s slow like the 1st ones.
Hey, the Campbells got the Draper kitchen set.
I thought there were gonna be girls here.
Oh. Right.
Pete’s jacket is a traffic hazard.
Stop it, those of you watching Mad Men on the East Coast!!! I have 2 hours and 13 minutes, not that I’m counting.
Oh! My Aunt Marion called it, “tea,” too.
Tea for two, and two for tea.
@SanFranLefty: RML said it’s okay, and Nojo said we can allude and lie.
Trudy died in childbirth.
@nojo:
Test pattern?
@SanFranLefty:
Oh all right. I’m not giving anything away… I hope.
@ManchuCandidate: “and the curtain is going up…”
@JNOVw00tah:
Shhhhhhh!
I’m amazed that Pryce is a pothead.
@ManchuCandidate: Heh
Everyone puts down martini shakers and buys bongs.
Oooooohhh, a mixed band.
Kick Don in the NUTS! Woo-hoo!
And now he’s fucking hypnotized again. Moran.
Stop it!
@JNOVw00tah: Okay, that’s it, see you at 11 pm PDT, if you’re still up. Taunting me with your east coast time zone.
;-P
And how the hell is Nojo watching this already from Sandy Eggo?
That skirt’s shorter than Star Trek.
@JNOVw00tah:
Speaking as a pathetic and weak hetro male. I would be.
@SanFranLefty: SCP must’ve talked him into DISH.
@JNOVw00tah: Next trip I make to the land of lobster burritos and fish tacos, I will insist upon meeting SCP in the flesh.
@ManchuCandidate: I think she is up to nooooooo good. Or I’m stuck in some Peggy trope.
@SanFranLefty: AMC HD runs the East Coast feed.
@SanFranLefty: He. Is. MINE!
And the Dick is BACK!
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
@JNOVw00tah: Silent Creative Partner is actually watching it for the first time. He’s hooked. I told him he only has four seasons of catch-up.
@nojo: I’ll catch him up. It’s the least I can do.
Rroowwwww! Hissss!!
After they fired Incredible Beard Guy, I thought the show was taking the easy way out w/r/t the CRM. Glad to see the writers waited until until it kicked them in the teef.
Oh! And Pryce is AWESOME on Fringe <– so far not shitty sci-fi.
@ManchuCandidate: She has an agenda. Trust.
WTF Joan’s Mom?
@JNOVw00tah:
I’m pretty sure Megan does. Slinky temptress with sexy crooked teeth.
@ManchuCandidate: Civil Rights Movement. (Don’t tell Lefty.)
Is Synchronized Dick Waving an Olympic sport?
@ManchuCandidate: Must be a Brit. Ils étudient le français il ya.
Hope, hope, HOPE they lose Heinz.
@nojo: It’s the new caveman club.
@JNOVw00tah:
Elle est Quebecois.
@nojo:
It could have been where I worked… oh you meant waving, not measuring.
In case you’ve forgotten that Ridley Scott roolz, well, he does.
@ManchuCandidate: Mais bien sûr!
What? 900 calls came to you back then? (TiVo delay)
Oh! Blackmail?
It’s a black woman’s wallet!
“You didn’t sound black on the phone…”
Gazing at a picture of your spouse NEVER stopped extramarital nookums.
Roger is back.
Why do you carry so much cash?
Hookers, Man. Hookers.
WTF? Dark Shadows as the Munsters?
::commercial break::
Am I the only one who watches Fringe? Really?
@ManchuCandidate: Huh? Commercial? (Fast forwarding through that shit.)
@ManchuCandidate: Blame Tim Burton.
Dudes! Fringe is Geek Heaven. Good actors (Peter is growing on me), somewhat sound pseudo-science, interesting plot lines and twists.
@JNOVw00tah: Regarding CRM, I think it’s well-timed. Madison Avenue ain’t Harlem. Takes a while for the news to head downtown from 125th.
JOAN! Beat them with your baby!
Back in the days when those who breastfed got their babies drunk. Or high.
@JNOVw00tah:
I’ve given up on network TV for the most part.
@ManchuCandidate: Same here. But Fringe…
Does Don’s wife actually do anything? At the office, I mean.
Oh! Maybe Megan is real.
(She’s going to jump.)
“What is wrong with you people? You’re all so cynical. You don’t smile at anything. You smirk.”
—Addressed to everybody here
@nojo:
Oh yeah? I can laugh… cynically.
What a cute baby! Here, let me blow smoke in its face.
The Imbuseals also perform at SeaWorld.
@JNOVw00tah: No. No. She’s playing Peggy. All About Eve…
@nojo: +1
Oh, shit, Joan. No PPD!
@nojo: I’m I the only one who hated Edward Scarface? Nightmare Before Christmas is awesome, though.
“I don’t know how I ended up with him.” <– Every mother's question.
Pete is such a dick. Sometimes he’s right.
“Or at all, honestly.”
@JNOVw00tah: I thought Scissorhands was fine, if a little precious. But that was twenty years ago.
@nojo: I was like, “Er.” Kinda like the Star Trek with the whales.
Is it “Pryce” or “Price”?
Wait. Whoa. That picture?
Yeah, she’s cleaning up alright.
DON, YOU ARE STOOOOOOOOPID!
Smashcutting to Pete is obscene.
WTF Don?!!!?
@JNOVw00tah:
Again… Yes. Hell Yes. And yes, I’m weak why do you ask?
Well played, Campbell.
@JNOVw00tah: Oh hay, I just got my grades for Winter Quarter, and I earned an A in Busyness Law. Thanks again for your help with my notes. Spring Quarter starts tomorrow–yeek!
@ManchuCandidate: Men are stupid.
Rut roh.
I was once the first black person at a company. They thought I was Italian when they hired me.
/phone dick doomsday/
The exact day that cellphones will be bigger than your penis. Coming soon!
@JNOVw00tah:
Yes, yes we are.
I’ll figure it out, but it took a while. Ended a 1 1/2 year relationship last month when I finally did.
@¡Andrew!: Too bad my phone is rectangular.
@ManchuCandidate: I’m on my way to, er, comfort you.
@¡Andrew!: I still have a black rotary if you’d like me to demonstrate my prowess.
@ManchuCandidate: Or are you talking about your roommate?
@nojo: It’s my strict policy not to ask for kahk shots, however I won’t decline them ; )
@nojo: How do you compare to your iPad? Not the hot, heavy one.
@¡Andrew!: Do you share your research?
@¡Andrew!: OH! BIGGEST HUZZAH EVER FOR YOU!
You did it, Man. I learned from your outline. All I did was insert jokes.
How many Bobby Drapers are we up to by now? Four? Five?
@JNOVw00tah: I did with a few of my classmates. The second half of the course was all about contracts and relationships between principals and agents, and my mind–already taxed by information overload combined with excess quantities of booze and pills and dope–almost liquified.
@¡Andrew!: Any lawish classes, or did you learn your lesson?
Lesson: Refer to in-house counsel that will refer to outside firm that will rape your company and help you cover up illegal shit.
@¡Andrew!: No, ¡Andrew! The pictures. The pictures! I’ll vet them for you.
@mellbell: Eagle Eye. I didn’t notice.
@mellbell: Quick Googling suggests we’ve just met Bobby IV.
@JNOVw00tah:
Nope. That’s 8 years. Hell, getting rid of him WAS a divorce. He’s mostly gone now. Once he’s left I am going to clean up (and boy do I.)
The ex was a casual fling that got more serious then it blew up when it did. She insisted that the relationship go one way (hers.) I might be ugly and pathetic, but I’m not a doormat.
@JNOVw00tah: This was my main takeaway: Never allow the police to search your property without a clearly defined warrant and a corporate attorney who will force them to itemize and catalog every item confiscated.
@ManchuCandidate: Wow. I’ll submit you for canonization.
@¡Andrew!: Good. Also: Hide the shredder and the plastic bags. Off-site is best.
@ManchuCandidate: Oh, wait. I remember when this started. You were having some buyer’s remorse. Don’t worry: We all have.
Some movie called The Hunger Games came out this weekend and apparently its a documentary (?) about poor people fighting to the death for the amusement of the Richie$t.
Of course Rmoney saw it (to prove to the kids how kool he is? How impervious he is to comprehending irony?), and it’s now the RepubliKKKan party platform for 2016.
Why won’t these damn dystopian, apocalyptic writers stop giving them ideas??
@JNOVw00tah:
Which one? I don’t deserve it. The first 4 years were fine. His temper tantrums over the last 4 were not. I am not happy with my defaulting to passive aggressive which pisses me off (as that’s how I deal with my parents) and I’m usually much more aggressive at work.
Of course, if you’re sarcastic then I meekly submit.
@JNOVw00tah: Save it all in a computer file called /hardcoregaysexporn4698.
They’ll never dare to look.
@¡Andrew!:
Sad. Rombot does not really understand does he?
I knew it as the Running Man. I might actually go see it though if it is good.
@ManchuCandidate: Which one do I remember? The “Oh–this is awkward, er, yeah” thing.
The roommate is before my time. <– Canonization. Seriously.
@¡Andrew!: I decided it would fuck me up.
@ManchuCandidate: I can’t believe I missed that! Damn. I’ll clean you up.
@JNOVw00tah: I’m taking Management of IT and International Busyness Consulting this quarter. Both professors gave us a ton of reading over Spring Break (Not. Kool).
And here I’d planned on getting high and watching The Rockford Files on the flixes every night (which I did anyway).
@¡Andrew!: Haha! Does that come on TVLand?
Oh, and the reading part? Don’t worry — you’ll have your Carrera before you know it. ;-) Get a black one. I guess convertibles are out of the question where you live…
@JNOVw00tah: It is on the Netflix oracle, and I’ve become completely seduced by the show’s feverish fantasy. Jim Rockford is living every American man’s dream: No rent, no mortgage, no obligations, a trailer on the beach on PCH with a beautiful (wo)man to date, a hot gold sports car, plus kick-ass crimes to solve every week. I can see how the show spawned six seasons and eight teevee movies, no problem.
@¡Andrew!: I loved it when I was a kid. I could use another go-round of certain aspects of childhood.
@¡Andrew!: Don’t forget the custom fake business cards. I loved the custom fake business cards.
One day, I will have a job that doesn’t drug test.
What a fucking show. It was like a Mad Men movie.
Anyone else think that Don’s new pad looks like Uncle Bill’s place in “Family Affair”?
@redmanlaw: Even I wouldn’t dare risk a Family Affair reference.
Team Buffy or Team Jody?
Uncle Bill had his shit together. Reminds me of firearms writer Craig Boddington, French could go toe to toe with Alfred Pennyworth. Cissy was attractive, the kids kind of annoying. I was just reminded that Anissa Jones was a duggie who died of an overdose.
Back to Mad Men, I think that dude in the hat was with the Mob. I bet we’ll see Price mixed up with them via Picture Girl over the season.
Where does Roger get all his cash from?
Lots of real nice scenes in this one.
Sure were a lot of Dead Moms in Sixties sitcoms. They should all be revived with darker backstories.
Silent Creative Partner has already dived into Season 1, Episode 1. In my day, we had to wait for Netflix to deliver the DVD. How did we survive?
@nojo: BUFFY!
I think I had a crush on their fake dad? Brian Keith? God, I hope that’s not him.
Wait. What was the doll’s name?
@JNOVw00tah: Could be worse. Could be Fred MacMurray.
@nojo: Was that Mr. French?
@JNOVw00tah: Mrs. Beasley.
Or was that the cook? Did they have a cook?
@JNOVw00tah: Mr. French was Sebastian Cabot.
Fred MacMurray was the My Three Sons dad. He also played the heavy in a famous noir film. I don’t see offhand whether Brian Keith had a similar Dark Cinematic Past.
ACK! No.
First TV crush — Marine Boy
Eddie in The Courtship of Eddie’s father…
And that kid from It’s Your Move. Bene! get working on that!
Meanwhile, local jazz station is playing a version of “Down in the Hole” that The Wire didn’t use. Team Omar!
@nojo: I wanted that doll. Big time.
Had to check. Yes, Mrs. Beasley was the doll. Now I can sleep.
@nojo: Omar–Fuck Yeah! Amazing actor.
Lemme Google this Fred MacMurray guy…
Well, I’m not sure. He was hot, but I’m thinking he might not have been someone a kid would crush on.
@nojo: Alice in Chains “Down in a Hole”?
DERP. Waits.
Wednesday was World Poetry Day. Tom Waits reads “The Laughing Heart” by Bukowski.
Off the top of my head, I think Fred MacMurray was the bad guy in Double Indemnity.
Brian Keith killed himself several years after Family Affair ended, probably because of several illnesses he was suffering from.
“I’d like to fly away, but my wings have been torn in half.” AIC Unplugged is my go to dinner party music.
@redmanlaw: Yup. And Fred was a very good bad guy. If you grow up on My Three Sons and his Disney movies, and then discover Double Indemnity, it’s quite a jolt. Not unlike Raymond Burr as the heavy in Rear Window.
@redmanlaw: Are you thinking of Edward G Robinson? McMurray was the hero/anti-hero. I’d say that Barbara Stanwyck was the bad guy.
He made a lot of movies.
@Benedick: That’s right. He’s the guy who got played for a patsy by real schemer.
/head slap – but’s it’s been about a dozen years since I’ve seen the movie
@redmanlaw: Unslap. Fred’s not entirely innocent. And his character is some distance from his wholesome TV/Disney persona.
Just saw the alt text.
I’m sad about something.
Okay. Tell the truth: Is Pi going to suck?
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Sen. sENEMA has a career ahead of her in giving designer psychedelic enemas to trust-fund…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: She thought three's company. Nope.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! Gawd hates SIN, specifically Kyrsten SINema.
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! So long, Senatard Glitter-trash. I hope she knows how much everyone H8s her :0)
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! The racist kleptocratic MSM is really gonna have to crank up the bread and circuses now that their…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Ted Kazinski Sec of Interior Only the DEAD are extreme enough to serve in DONNIE…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Department of Health & Human Services: Charles Manson Defense Secretary:…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @¡Andrew!: Right, the administration's all star line up: Pres: Trump VP: Ted Kaczynski…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! @FlyingChainSaw: Actually, FDLE would be the first to admit it. The state banks on it with 'sue me…
¡ANDREW! • TRUMP: MACHINE GUNNING ORPHANAGES AND CONVENTS BY ME IS CONSTITUTIONAL AND SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME ERECT WITHOUT PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE! I cannot wait for the Republinazi MAGAt trash to DEMAND that $hitler be allowed to be president…