The Cat is Lost in the Negative Space

Title: “I’ll Go Home Then, It’s Warm and Has Chairs. The Unpublished Emails.”

Author: David Thorne

Rank: 50

Blurb: “All new, never before published material from the author of The Internet is a Playground and 27bslash6.com.”

Review: “Although I haven’t bought it and as such haven’t read it, I’m convinced that between the covers are multiple pages filled with properly-spelled words and maybe some pictures. The pages may or may not be bound to the cover with some sort of glue, gum or cat gut (don’t know what it is, but sounds cool). If I can scrape up enough change from my couch or co-workers desks I would love to buy this as my daughter likes penquins and I like sentences. Even though Mr. Thorne has never responded to my fan email or bought anything from me, I will put money in his pocket by putting this in my restroom. If nothing else it will make a great paper cut arsenal for my post-apocalypse survival kit.”

Another Review: “I was tempted to give this book a NO STAR review — the main reason being that it has lots of cats in it. Cats should be on the internet, and it’s a shame that someone has captured all of this cat-related humour, and is keeping it offline. Not free for cat-fans to look at and send to each other. But then I realised… it has cats in it. And that’s a good thing.”

Yet Another Review: “I haven’t read this either, but I’m dropping a star because it doesn’t have a spider on the cover. Plus, the cover’s yellow, which isn’t nearly as cool as black.”

Customers Also Bought: “VMware Fusion 4”

Footnote: The Greatest Post in The Whole World, Ever.

I’ll Go Home Then, It’s Warm and Has Chairs. [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

163 comments:

8:53 am • Sunday • March 25, 2012

David wrote the reviews. Trust.

9:09 am • Sunday • March 25, 2012

I do not understand this, but then again I don’t understand many things.

However, I do know that I’m looking forward to 2Hrs of Martini/Douchebaggery/Lusting/Cold as January Madness tonight (assuming I got the tweet.)

10:11 am • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oh! “Missing Missy”!

12:04 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012
12:17 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: I don’t understand it either. I suspect Harry Shearer has hand in it.

1:34 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@SanFranLefty:
Interesting, I never knew what an Old Fashioned was.

4:17 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@SanFranLefty: I’m off martinis until Easter due to Lent. I am not going to let it ruin my Mad Men showing tonight (I didn’t give up wine, and I have a Guinness left over from the Irish holiday). We’ll be watching the 11 Eastern/8 Pacific showing.

4:25 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@redmanlaw: I guess that means no first-showing spoilers tonight. All 11 ET/8 PT comments must be limited to inconclusive allusions, or flat-out lies.

4:47 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: Spoil away. I’ll log on after the show, 1 am Eastern.

8:49 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

OMG, Don Draper did WHAT???

Oops. Sorry. Overdid the pregame cocktails.

9:00 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Finally a new episode…

9:27 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Where’s the Bite & Smile? You said there’d be a Bite & Smile.

9:28 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: And it’s only a quarter over!

9:35 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

“He’s kind and patient.”
“It burns you?”
“It concerns me.”

@nojo:
January hasn’t shown up yet.

9:36 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Like everybody looking for signs that Apple’s slipping now that Jobs is gone.

9:36 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

I have tickets to the bean ballet…

9:39 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
The Butt Cracker?

@mellbell:
Yeah, but it’s slow like the 1st ones.

Hey, the Campbells got the Draper kitchen set.

9:44 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

I thought there were gonna be girls here.

Oh. Right.

9:45 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Pete’s jacket is a traffic hazard.

9:45 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Stop it, those of you watching Mad Men on the East Coast!!! I have 2 hours and 13 minutes, not that I’m counting.

9:48 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oh! My Aunt Marion called it, “tea,” too.

Tea for two, and two for tea.

@SanFranLefty: RML said it’s okay, and Nojo said we can allude and lie.

Trudy died in childbirth.

9:48 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo:
Test pattern?

@SanFranLefty:
Oh all right. I’m not giving anything away… I hope.

9:48 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: “and the curtain is going up…”

9:49 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Shhhhhhh!

I’m amazed that Pryce is a pothead.

9:50 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Heh

Everyone puts down martini shakers and buys bongs.

9:52 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oooooohhh, a mixed band.

9:52 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Kick Don in the NUTS! Woo-hoo!

9:53 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

And now he’s fucking hypnotized again. Moran.

9:54 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Stop it!

@JNOVw00tah: Okay, that’s it, see you at 11 pm PDT, if you’re still up. Taunting me with your east coast time zone.

;-P

And how the hell is Nojo watching this already from Sandy Eggo?

9:54 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

That skirt’s shorter than Star Trek.

9:54 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Speaking as a pathetic and weak hetro male. I would be.

9:55 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@SanFranLefty: SCP must’ve talked him into DISH.

9:56 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Next trip I make to the land of lobster burritos and fish tacos, I will insist upon meeting SCP in the flesh.

9:56 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: I think she is up to nooooooo good. Or I’m stuck in some Peggy trope.

9:56 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@SanFranLefty: AMC HD runs the East Coast feed.

9:56 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@SanFranLefty: He. Is. MINE!

9:58 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

And the Dick is BACK!

9:58 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

10:00 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Silent Creative Partner is actually watching it for the first time. He’s hooked. I told him he only has four seasons of catch-up.

10:07 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: I’ll catch him up. It’s the least I can do.

10:07 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Rroowwwww! Hissss!!

10:10 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

After they fired Incredible Beard Guy, I thought the show was taking the easy way out w/r/t the CRM. Glad to see the writers waited until until it kicked them in the teef.

Oh! And Pryce is AWESOME on Fringe <– so far not shitty sci-fi.

10:11 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: She has an agenda. Trust.

10:11 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:

CRM?

10:12 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

WTF Joan’s Mom?

10:12 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
I’m pretty sure Megan does. Slinky temptress with sexy crooked teeth.

10:12 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Civil Rights Movement. (Don’t tell Lefty.)

10:12 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Is Synchronized Dick Waving an Olympic sport?

10:15 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Must be a Brit. Ils étudient le français il ya.

Hope, hope, HOPE they lose Heinz.

10:16 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: It’s the new caveman club.

10:17 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Elle est Quebecois.

@nojo:
It could have been where I worked… oh you meant waving, not measuring.

10:17 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

ROGER!

10:18 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

In case you’ve forgotten that Ridley Scott roolz, well, he does.

10:19 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Mais bien sûr!

10:21 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

What? 900 calls came to you back then? (TiVo delay)

Oh! Blackmail?

10:21 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

It’s a black woman’s wallet!

10:22 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

“You didn’t sound black on the phone…”

10:23 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Gazing at a picture of your spouse NEVER stopped extramarital nookums.

10:24 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

ROGER!!

10:25 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Roger is back.

10:26 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Why do you carry so much cash?

Hookers, Man. Hookers.

10:27 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

WTF? Dark Shadows as the Munsters?

10:27 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

::commercial break::

Am I the only one who watches Fringe? Really?

10:28 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Huh? Commercial? (Fast forwarding through that shit.)

10:29 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Blame Tim Burton.

10:30 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Dudes! Fringe is Geek Heaven. Good actors (Peter is growing on me), somewhat sound pseudo-science, interesting plot lines and twists.

10:31 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Regarding CRM, I think it’s well-timed. Madison Avenue ain’t Harlem. Takes a while for the news to head downtown from 125th.

10:31 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

JOAN! Beat them with your baby!

10:32 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: Agreed.

10:32 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Back in the days when those who breastfed got their babies drunk. Or high.

10:33 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
I’ve given up on network TV for the most part.

10:34 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

ROGER!!!

10:35 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Same here. But Fringe…

10:35 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Awkward.

10:35 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Does Don’s wife actually do anything? At the office, I mean.

10:36 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oh!

10:37 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oh! Maybe Megan is real.

(She’s going to jump.)

10:38 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

“What is wrong with you people? You’re all so cynical. You don’t smile at anything. You smirk.”

—Addressed to everybody here

10:40 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo:
Oh yeah? I can laugh… cynically.

10:40 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

What a cute baby! Here, let me blow smoke in its face.

10:44 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

The Imbuseals also perform at SeaWorld.

10:45 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: No. No. She’s playing Peggy. All About Eve

10:46 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: +1

Oh, shit, Joan. No PPD!

10:48 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: I’m I the only one who hated Edward Scarface? Nightmare Before Christmas is awesome, though.

10:49 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

“I don’t know how I ended up with him.” <– Every mother's question.

10:50 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Pete is such a dick. Sometimes he’s right.

10:51 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

“Or at all, honestly.”

10:51 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: I thought Scissorhands was fine, if a little precious. But that was twenty years ago.

10:52 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: I was like, “Er.” Kinda like the Star Trek with the whales.

10:53 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Is it “Pryce” or “Price”?

10:54 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Wait. Whoa. That picture?

10:54 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Ha!

10:56 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Yeah, she’s cleaning up alright.

10:57 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

DON, YOU ARE STOOOOOOOOPID!

10:58 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Smashcutting to Pete is obscene.

10:59 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

WTF Don?!!!?

11:01 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Again… Yes. Hell Yes. And yes, I’m weak why do you ask?

11:01 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Well played, Campbell.

11:02 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Oh hay, I just got my grades for Winter Quarter, and I earned an A in Busyness Law. Thanks again for your help with my notes. Spring Quarter starts tomorrow–yeek!

11:02 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Men are stupid.

11:04 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Rut roh.

I was once the first black person at a company. They thought I was Italian when they hired me.

11:04 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

/phone dick doomsday/

The exact day that cellphones will be bigger than your penis. Coming soon!

11:06 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Yes, yes we are.

I’ll figure it out, but it took a while. Ended a 1 1/2 year relationship last month when I finally did.

11:06 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Too bad my phone is rectangular.

11:07 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: I’m on my way to, er, comfort you.

11:07 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: I still have a black rotary if you’d like me to demonstrate my prowess.

11:08 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Or are you talking about your roommate?

11:09 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: It’s my strict policy not to ask for kahk shots, however I won’t decline them ; )

11:09 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@nojo: How do you compare to your iPad? Not the hot, heavy one.

11:10 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Do you share your research?

11:11 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: OH! BIGGEST HUZZAH EVER FOR YOU!

You did it, Man. I learned from your outline. All I did was insert jokes.

11:12 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

How many Bobby Drapers are we up to by now? Four? Five?

11:13 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: I did with a few of my classmates. The second half of the course was all about contracts and relationships between principals and agents, and my mind–already taxed by information overload combined with excess quantities of booze and pills and dope–almost liquified.

11:13 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Any lawish classes, or did you learn your lesson?

Lesson: Refer to in-house counsel that will refer to outside firm that will rape your company and help you cover up illegal shit.

11:14 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: No, ¡Andrew! The pictures. The pictures! I’ll vet them for you.

11:15 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@mellbell: Eagle Eye. I didn’t notice.

11:16 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@mellbell: Quick Googling suggests we’ve just met Bobby IV.

11:16 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Nope. That’s 8 years. Hell, getting rid of him WAS a divorce. He’s mostly gone now. Once he’s left I am going to clean up (and boy do I.)

The ex was a casual fling that got more serious then it blew up when it did. She insisted that the relationship go one way (hers.) I might be ugly and pathetic, but I’m not a doormat.

11:17 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: This was my main takeaway: Never allow the police to search your property without a clearly defined warrant and a corporate attorney who will force them to itemize and catalog every item confiscated.

11:20 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Wow. I’ll submit you for canonization.

11:21 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Good. Also: Hide the shredder and the plastic bags. Off-site is best.

11:22 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Oh, wait. I remember when this started. You were having some buyer’s remorse. Don’t worry: We all have.

11:23 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Some movie called The Hunger Games came out this weekend and apparently its a documentary (?) about poor people fighting to the death for the amusement of the Richie$t.

Of course Rmoney saw it (to prove to the kids how kool he is? How impervious he is to comprehending irony?), and it’s now the RepubliKKKan party platform for 2016.

Why won’t these damn dystopian, apocalyptic writers stop giving them ideas??

11:23 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah:
Which one? I don’t deserve it. The first 4 years were fine. His temper tantrums over the last 4 were not. I am not happy with my defaulting to passive aggressive which pisses me off (as that’s how I deal with my parents) and I’m usually much more aggressive at work.

Of course, if you’re sarcastic then I meekly submit.

11:24 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Save it all in a computer file called /hardcoregaysexporn4698.

They’ll never dare to look.

11:24 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!:
Sad. Rombot does not really understand does he?

I knew it as the Running Man. I might actually go see it though if it is good.

11:25 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: Which one do I remember? The “Oh–this is awkward, er, yeah” thing.

The roommate is before my time. <– Canonization. Seriously.

11:26 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: ::SNORT::

11:28 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: I decided it would fuck me up.

11:35 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@ManchuCandidate: I can’t believe I missed that! Damn. I’ll clean you up.

11:39 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: I’m taking Management of IT and International Busyness Consulting this quarter. Both professors gave us a ton of reading over Spring Break (Not. Kool).

And here I’d planned on getting high and watching The Rockford Files on the flixes every night (which I did anyway).

11:45 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Haha! Does that come on TVLand?

11:47 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

Oh, and the reading part? Don’t worry — you’ll have your Carrera before you know it. ;-) Get a black one. I guess convertibles are out of the question where you live…

11:50 pm • Sunday • March 25, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: It is on the Netflix oracle, and I’ve become completely seduced by the show’s feverish fantasy. Jim Rockford is living every American man’s dream: No rent, no mortgage, no obligations, a trailer on the beach on PCH with a beautiful (wo)man to date, a hot gold sports car, plus kick-ass crimes to solve every week. I can see how the show spawned six seasons and eight teevee movies, no problem.

12:05 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@¡Andrew!: I loved it when I was a kid. I could use another go-round of certain aspects of childhood.

12:09 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@¡Andrew!: Don’t forget the custom fake business cards. I loved the custom fake business cards.

12:10 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

One day, I will have a job that doesn’t drug test.

1:23 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

What a fucking show. It was like a Mad Men movie.

Anyone else think that Don’s new pad looks like Uncle Bill’s place in “Family Affair”?

2:12 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@redmanlaw: Even I wouldn’t dare risk a Family Affair reference.

Team Buffy or Team Jody?

2:40 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Uncle Bill had his shit together. Reminds me of firearms writer Craig Boddington, French could go toe to toe with Alfred Pennyworth. Cissy was attractive, the kids kind of annoying. I was just reminded that Anissa Jones was a duggie who died of an overdose.

Back to Mad Men, I think that dude in the hat was with the Mob. I bet we’ll see Price mixed up with them via Picture Girl over the season.

Where does Roger get all his cash from?

Lots of real nice scenes in this one.

2:52 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Sure were a lot of Dead Moms in Sixties sitcoms. They should all be revived with darker backstories.

2:55 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Silent Creative Partner has already dived into Season 1, Episode 1. In my day, we had to wait for Netflix to deliver the DVD. How did we survive?

3:14 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@nojo: BUFFY!

I think I had a crush on their fake dad? Brian Keith? God, I hope that’s not him.

3:16 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Wait. What was the doll’s name?

3:18 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Could be worse. Could be Fred MacMurray.

3:18 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@nojo: Was that Mr. French?

3:18 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Mrs. Beasley.

Or was that the cook? Did they have a cook?

3:19 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@JNOVw00tah: Mr. French was Sebastian Cabot.

Fred MacMurray was the My Three Sons dad. He also played the heavy in a famous noir film. I don’t see offhand whether Brian Keith had a similar Dark Cinematic Past.

3:22 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

ACK! No.

First TV crush — Marine Boy

Eddie in The Courtship of Eddie’s father…

And that kid from It’s Your Move. Bene! get working on that!

3:23 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Meanwhile, local jazz station is playing a version of “Down in the Hole” that The Wire didn’t use. Team Omar!

3:23 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@nojo: I wanted that doll. Big time.

3:24 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Had to check. Yes, Mrs. Beasley was the doll. Now I can sleep.

3:24 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@nojo: Omar–Fuck Yeah! Amazing actor.

Lemme Google this Fred MacMurray guy…

3:25 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

Well, I’m not sure. He was hot, but I’m thinking he might not have been someone a kid would crush on.

3:27 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

@nojo: Alice in Chains “Down in a Hole”?

3:44 am • Monday • March 26, 2012

DERP. Waits.

Wednesday was World Poetry Day. Tom Waits reads “The Laughing Heart” by Bukowski.

1:45 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

Off the top of my head, I think Fred MacMurray was the bad guy in Double Indemnity.

Brian Keith killed himself several years after Family Affair ended, probably because of several illnesses he was suffering from.

“I’d like to fly away, but my wings have been torn in half.” AIC Unplugged is my go to dinner party music.

1:51 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

@redmanlaw: Yup. And Fred was a very good bad guy. If you grow up on My Three Sons and his Disney movies, and then discover Double Indemnity, it’s quite a jolt. Not unlike Raymond Burr as the heavy in Rear Window.

1:53 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

@redmanlaw: Are you thinking of Edward G Robinson? McMurray was the hero/anti-hero. I’d say that Barbara Stanwyck was the bad guy.

He made a lot of movies.

3:52 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

@Benedick: That’s right. He’s the guy who got played for a patsy by real schemer.

/head slap – but’s it’s been about a dozen years since I’ve seen the movie

4:03 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

@redmanlaw: Unslap. Fred’s not entirely innocent. And his character is some distance from his wholesome TV/Disney persona.

5:19 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

Just saw the alt text.

I’m sad about something.

5:52 pm • Monday • March 26, 2012

Okay. Tell the truth: Is Pi going to suck?

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