Maybe there’s a God after all:

If you plug your brand-new “Decision Points” audiobook into your Windows computer, you’ll get some pretty unexpected track titles. Why? Because in 2007, various artists made a protest album called “George W. Bush,” and the online database that Windows Media uses to fill in the track titles thinks your audiobook is their album.

There have been complaints of late — we’re guessing from someone who got a copy for Christmas — that chapter titles like “Innocent Children Die” and “Bush It” were popping up when they loaded the album on Windows Media Player.

Other replacement track titles include “The Mistake”, “Death of Democracy”, “The Weapon of Fear”, and “Iraqi Oil Production”. It might be the first time we’ve ever regretted using a Mac, since iTunes uses a different database for CD titles. Then again, we can’t think of a reason we’d ever permit “Decision Points” on our hard drive — we have a strict policy against malware.

Bush Audiobook Chapters Now Include “Bush It” For Windows Users [TPM]

Oklahoma protests its loss yesterday as the State Most Welcome to Secede:

Arthur Sedille was up-front with police: He would often put a gun to his wife’s head during fantasy sex play at their Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home.

But Sedille said he didn’t know the gun was loaded when he pressed it to his wife’s head and pulled the handgun’s slide back during sex on the night of December 21.

Remember the first rule of sexual firearms, kids: Keep your booger-hook off the bang switch.

Oklahoma man says wife’s death was sex fantasy accident [CNN, via Dodgerblue]

“In the future, Lee is likely to attract a little more attention. In fact, he just might be the platonic ideal for the new Constitution-obsessed, Tea Party-infused GOP: a lawyer who knows how to muster constitutional arguments to justify extreme ideas — and do it with a surprisingly genial, rational disposition. If, going forward, the Tea Party movement wants a national leader who doesn’t scream crackpot, Mike Lee is likely to be the guy.” [TNR, via Political Wire]

“The other day, as we were musing around a conference table, someone asked a straight forward and seemingly naïve question: why don’t people read print newspapers as much as they once did?”
—INMA

• Inky fingers.
• Parade no longer dependable source of cutting-edge content.
• Publishers censored controversial Family Circus strips one too many times.

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This snowstorm is different, somehow – this is W 30th Street this afternoon and a buried cop car:

At 6:30 this evening I was amazed to see that 7th Avenue had yet to be plowed. The response is not so Bloomberg this time.
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Our most prestigious award honors an individual who, through sheer diligence of assitude year in and year out, has earned the right to join the Pantheon of American Infamy. Only Crystal Douchebag winners qualify for the upcoming Stinque Grand Tour of Grave Pissing, to be scheduled as soon as enough honorees do us the favor of departing This Mortal Coil. (Note to reservation-holders: Lack of pulse does not qualify.)

While the Producers considered drawing out the moment by inviting past Douches to introduce this year’s nominees, they realized it might qualify as torture to drag out today’s ceremony any longer. (That, plus we don’t want to bump Kimmel beyond our audience’s bedtime, and lose our advertiser guarantees.)

So join us in a round of warm round of spite for Newt Gingrich, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Pat Robertson, and Antonin Scalia. You’re all worthy of Black Roses, but only one of you gets the Thorn.

And the winner is…

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Here’s all you need to know: Joe Lieberman, two-time winner of the Golden Anal Pear, is attempting the first threepeat of the Stinque Awards, after which we would be obligated hang his sorry ass from the rafters. Can he do it? Will this be the moment you share with your grandchildren, like Nixon’s resignation and the M*A*S*H finale?

Or will Joe be denied by Glenn Beck, master of the Demon Blackboard? Jan Brewer, mistress of the Death Panel? Pam Geller, micturator of the “Ground Zero Mosque”? Mitch McConnell, whom a Nominator warned might actually enjoy having his ass reamed by a medieval torture implement?

And the winner is…

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