Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year

Here’s all you need to know: Joe Lieberman, two-time winner of the Golden Anal Pear, is attempting the first threepeat of the Stinque Awards, after which we would be obligated hang his sorry ass from the rafters. Can he do it? Will this be the moment you share with your grandchildren, like Nixon’s resignation and the M*A*S*H finale?

Or will Joe be denied by Glenn Beck, master of the Demon Blackboard? Jan Brewer, mistress of the Death Panel? Pam Geller, micturator of the “Ground Zero Mosque”? Mitch McConnell, whom a Nominator warned might actually enjoy having his ass reamed by a medieval torture implement?

And the winner is…

Pam Geller. Damn that DADT repeal! Why did it have to be now, instead of months ago, when we could safely forget it? The Judges are sorry, Joe. They just couldn’t do it.

Oh, and Pam? We’ll see you in Hell.

Next hour: Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement

The 2010 Stinque Awards

22 comments:

2:07 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

I feel bad associating the humble asshole, unsung hero of the body, with so base a thing as Pam Geller.

2:08 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Waitaminnit — Ancient Mariner not even nominated? Who does he have to blow?

(Don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know.)

2:27 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

I’m so glad I know nothing of this Geller person. She sounds most unpleasant.

2:35 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: I’d direct you to her delightful website, but it has a nasty (or beneficial) habit of crashing browsers.

2:39 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@nojo: Plus, eyebleed.

2:42 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Oh, I see. The Judges are saving the Lifetime Award for McCain.

2:48 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

DEVELOPING HARD: Gov-elect of Hawai’i going to shut up the birthers, release all documentation.

But he’s a loyal Dumbocrat, natch. And thus ends the legitimacy of his publication of (erm) public, easily-verifiable public records. Also.

2:52 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

My money was on Bryan Fischer.

2:59 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Drumroll please for Crystal Douchebag….

3:09 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

How on earth did Russell Pearce not get this? His racist douchebaggery has done and will do far more damage than lil miss yanqui mosque.

3:12 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Dodgerblue: Oh, I see. The Judges are saving the Lifetime Award for McCain.

Someone at PriceWaterhouseCoopers is getting the shit kicked out of him backstage for snitching.

3:15 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Is that a recent photo of Jan? Lacks the usual Hills and Valleys of her lying crazy wrinkled crone face. Photoshopped, I say!!!!

3:17 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@ManchuCandidate: Mais oui

3:26 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@ManchuCandidate: In the interest of limiting obnoxious union overtime rates, the Producers chose mugshots with easily maskable backgrounds, where available. Blonde hair against deep blue is about as easy as it gets.

8:21 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

In other news: socialist New Zealand comes through larger quake than last and is thrilled by rest of world’s complete indifference. I’m OK, says Christchurch. No more immigrants from US west coast needed soaking up local chardonnay.

8:59 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Benedick: C’mon surely there’s room for one more. Mr Cyn is trying to get work there for crush this spring.

9:08 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010
9:20 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

Oh wait, are we talking about world news?

10:24 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: Are you going to go with him? It’d be an adventure for sure.

10:37 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@Mistress Cynica: I might need an assistant.

11:15 pm • Monday • December 27, 2010

@SanFranLefty: I wish. Can’t afford it, and all my miles are on Delta, which is great for Europe but totally and completely worthless for Oz/NZ. I really hope it works out for him, though–I think it would be a terrific experience.

@Benedick: He’s very good at carrying luggage.

12:11 am • Tuesday • December 28, 2010

@Benedick: Pick me! Pick me!

Add a comment