Fuck Neil Patrick Harris. Just fuck him. He promised he’d have this great song-and-dance number to open our show, and he’s nowhere to be found. Did he get the fucking memo? Does he know we’re starting at seven in the morning, and not seven at night? Does he know the Today producers just told us to fuck the satellite feed if we can’t get Harris on camera stat?

Shit. You — yes, you, hauling that crate of awards. Do you tap? No? Fuck.

Well, um — oh, hi! Welcome to The 2009 Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy! We have a great show planned for you today, just as soon as — well, just as soon as you imagine it! Yes, we’re reviving the glory days of radio, so close your eyes, click your heels, and let’s get started!

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This guy clearly needs more fiber in his diet:

A law enforcement official said the man was Nigerian and had locked himself in the airliner’s bathroom. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing.

Delta Air Lines spokeswoman Susan Elliott said crew members requested that security remove the man from Flight 253 after he became disruptive. The remaining 255 passengers got off safely, she said.

Airport spokesman Scott Wintner said it was the same flight on which a man tried to set off an explosive on Christmas Day.

Dude spent more than an hour in the bathroom.

Passenger Removed From Same Flight as Christmas Day Attack [Newser]

Title: “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead”

Author: Max Brooks

Rank: 94

Blurb: Survival Lesson #4: “Blades don’t need reloading.”

Review: “Let’s face it: at one time or another we’ve all faced a zombie scare we aren’t prepared for.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Zen of Zombie: Better Living Through the Undead”

Footnote: We can think of no better way to commemorate the end of the year — and the decade — than a six-year-old zombie book breaking into the Amazon Top 100.

The Zombie Survival Guide [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

Perfection:

We never thought we’d find ourselves agreeing with Michele Bachmann, but her fearmongering about the 2010 Census is starting to make sense to us.

If by “making sense” you mean “could backfire in the most delightful manner.”

Here, in three easy steps, is how Bachmann may end up regretting shooting her mouth off once too often:

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Saw the word “chimes” in the last post and had a flashback to my favorite jazz piece:

Once again, our tribute to our favorite Christmas song growing up — you may know it from Dr. Demento, but it was also the most-requested song on Eugene’s AM radio station.

In the year that it’s been posted at our YouTube account, we’ve had a few compliments from similar fans. And a couple weeks back, this comment showed up:

My father was in the Skip-Jacks and this has always been a favorite.

Having a dad in the Skip-Jacks is just short of having a dad who worked for Stan Freberg. We’re insanely jealous.