The War on Christmas is Our Favorite Time of Year

Apropos absolutely nothing, some of you might enjoy the press pictures for Penguins that I’ve been putting together over the last few days. They’re sacrilicious!

@IanJ:
love the pics
what is penguins?

is it just me or does this seem like a rather extreme reaction?

or perhaps an excuse to stop doing something they wanted to stop doing anyway?

@Capt Howdy: Penguins is a play I’m working on, opening at Annex Theatre in Seattle on Nov. 27th.

@IanJ:
sounds awsum.
sorry Im not local

@Capt Howdy: It seems very extreme to me — but very much in line with the Sex Offender Panic we’ve been enduring for years. If we’re going to insist upon registration, can’t we at least extend it to folks like Scooter Libby?

@nojo:
dont get me started.
personal (hopefully not too) story:
my sister has two children. they both have children. roughly the same age group. a few years ago the son of my neice and the daughter of my nephew (there will be a quiz later) got caught playing “doctor”. it was honestly pretty innocent. nothing serious, just looking as far as I understand. and in spite of the fact that the girl admitted it was her idea her father – a religious fanatic (of course) went completely ape shit and tried to have the 11 year old boy locked up since he was almost two years older. and since he was/is a cop – and a fairly influential one, locally at least – he almost succeeded. I flew into action and found them the best lawyer in arkansas and over the last few years we have spent literally thousands of dollars keeping this boy, who is an all star athlete and pretty much an A student, and genuinely good person, out of jail.
at this point we have kept him out of lockup but he is still on the “list” it will probably cost thousands more to get him off it.

Good Lord. One child toucher? It’s not like it was the senate Republican caucus. (I have no idea what a caucus is. Is it anything like a coffee klatch?) Besides, who the hell else is going to volunteer to be Santa? Duh.

@IanJ: Good luck with the play, you irreligious librul.

@Capt Howdy: What an appalling story. Will you tell me more?

@Benedick:
thats about all I know.

@Capt Howdy: How dreadful. So I’m guessing nephew and family will not be coming for Thanksgiving?

@Mistress Cynica:
that, for my sister, has been the worst part. the family has literally been torn apart. my sisters two children will not be in the same location at the same time. and the son basically stopped letting the grandparents see his children because they were working to keep his nephew out of jail.
its been great for me because I always hated the whole damn family so I was excited when I heard they would not be around any more but for my sister it has been really really hard.

@Capt Howdy: All children play doctor. It makes up for not being able to drink. I understand how important it is not to have to attend family get-togethers but how awful for your sister.

@Mistress Cynica: Hope the plans for your big day are coming along. Have you seen that southern woman on the Food network who buys stuff and does stuff to it and puts weird stuff on the table to decorate it? She looks like Dana Perino’s dissolute big sister who knows how to put away a pitcher of martinis or two. Anyhow, she’s always making the strangest cocktails. They’re blue, or have fruit juice in them and little umbrellas and shit. For some reason I keep thinking a selection of her best would make quite a splash at your reception.

And speaking of drink, I just opened my first bottle of beaujolais nouveau. Tastes like strawberries that went to heaven for a weekend.

@Benedick:
I dont mind family things. sometimes. I am planning to be there for turkey. its my nephew and his vile little family that wont be there. thats what Im happy about.

@Benedick: Oh dear lord, I’m having flashbacks to my grandmother’s cornucopia table decoration that included 2 horns of plenty and 8-branch silver candelabrum that was wired/piled with grapes (and a pineapple on top) as centerpiece. So far, it’s only Mr Cyn and me for T-day dinner that will include paté appetizer, 15 lb turkey stuffed with local mushrooms, jalapeño cornbread dressing, homemade cranberry sauce (my contribution), praline-topped sweet potatoes (Mississippi aunt’s recipe), brussels sprouts, and pumpkin creme brulée. Everyone is welcome.

@Capt Howdy: I haven’t spent a holiday with my own family since my grandmother died 15 years ago, and I don’t miss it. I did have quite a career as a “buffer guest” for friends before I settled down.

@Benedick: Paula Deen?

@Mistress Cynica: That all sounds delicious but I wasn’t thinking so much of that big day. Am I right in thinking that traditional southern cooking calls for quite a lot of sugar used in savory dishes? I wonder why? Brussels sprouts. Mmmm.

@mellbell: OK. I had to go search but her name is Sandra Lee. And if you’ve never seen her, make a nice frosty tini, pull up a chair, go to Youtube, search on her name (I’m too hopelessly lame to be able to post links. I do admire your mad skillz), sit back and enjoy. A recent treat that comes to mind is a desert of store-bought ice cream, rolled in cocoa powder to imitate a baked potato with moulded lemon ice pretending to be a pat of butter and some nonsense imitating chives: for desert – a baked potato. But her cocktails and her table settings are hilarious. She also looks like she might be quite a lot of fun after the first pitcher.

Don’t miss the clip that has her being way too enthusiastic about the Christmas tree she has decorated with empty liquor bottles; her Cocktail Tree, as she calls it.

@Benedick: Oh, duh. Still need to order flowers for Hawaiian ceremony, and hope thanksgiving feast will allow me to fit in my dress (which is pretty forgiving, thank FSM). Have rings, location, and officiant lined up. The “minister’s” usual service was way too hippy-dippy new age-y for me–truly nauseating–so I’ve edited heavily, thrown in some Shakespeare, and pretty much said, “Read it as written. And no introducing us [to the sea turtles, I suppose] as ‘Mr & Mrs’ or you don’t get paid.” The beach ceremony site is luckily adjacent to the Four Seasons, in the lovely bar of which we’ll have our celebratory drinks. Nothing blue or with umbrellas, per Mr Cyn’s specifications.
Party next summer (6/26/10–y’all come! E-mail cynica77 at gmail.com for your invite) will be at the winery where Mr Cyn works. Italian food and wine varietals, gorgeous sunset views, very Tuscany-ish.
And yes, southern cooks seem to adhere to the belief that there’s nothing that isn’t improved by sugar and butter. Worst example I’ve ever had: really sweet marinara sauce at an “Italian” restaurant in Memphis.

@Mistress Cynica: That sounds like a champagne kind of event to me. Choosing flowers in Hawaii? I have to go and lie down.

My kids – and Ma Nabisco and I – were pleasantly surprised when they left unstamped letters to Santa in the mailbox a few years ago and got handwritten replies. I never asked around, but suspect that the local postmaster has a group of high schoolers penning responses, which I finally really freaking cool.

i may have told this before, but i’m senile now, so bear with me.

when RB and i went to immigration here in turks and caicos, we were told that the sizable chunk of money we had to fork over to park ourselves here, was double for 2 singles. we had already been living together 6 years. we looked at each other and said, oh good, cause we’re getting married next week!
then a mad rush to find a pastor willing to come out to our house and marry us on the beach. the pastor shows up. i was halfway through a bottle of champagne saved for after the nuptials. i got married nauseous.
we told the good pastor we didn’t care what he said, but in homage to my grandparents looking down, i asked him to just say “mazel tov” at the end, right after RB steps barefoot crushing a plastic water bottle to simulate the traditional breaking of the wine glass. well…
after every sentence he uttered, he added, “moozel tube jesus amen!!!”
HEE-larious.

did you see the backtracked on this?

Link