Bible Questions Answered for Kids

The baby Jesus made sure I came across this gem of a website today, the Lord’s Day. I present for you, without comment, some of the more interesting answers. Peace be with you!

When the Rapture happens, God will take the Christians who have died and the Christians who are still alive and bring them up to heaven, where they will get new bodies that will be beautiful and perfect.

Unlike everyone else, Jesus never did anything wrong. He never sinned by doing bad things. He never stole anything or disobeyed his parents or said bad words or mean things.

It’s not fun to be sick, but being sick reminds you that the world has a sin problem.

The ark could have held 522 railroad box cars! So dinosaurs could have fit inside the ark.

Jesus told us we should continue to eat this special meal of bread and wine (or grape juice) to always remember Him.

God made the first people, Adam and Eve, with the ability to have children of lighter or darker skin.

Believers will live with God forever in heaven. But those who didn’t trust Jesus must be separated forever in hell from the holy, perfect God.

In the Old Testament times (before Jesus was born), people were required to give 1 dollar out of every 10 dollars that they made. God no longer expects us to give this exact amount.

The Trinity is hard to understand, but we believe it is true because God tells us He is three-in-one in the Bible.

(In answer to, “Will God answer every prayer?”) God may answer yes, no, or wait.

Through the years, God has kept the Bible safe from being changed or messed up. 

The entire Bible is true and really happened.

[W]e should believe the Bible is true because many men and women have died defending it.Why would so many people die defending the Bible, if it weren’t true?

God created the heavens and the earth, so it wouldn’t be a big deal for Him to take care of Jonah for three days inside a fish and then put him back on dry land.

When families change because of divorce, this makes God sad.

10 comments:

12:39 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

Camp Onanizer?

12:44 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

That website cries out for a Google bomb.

12:44 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

The Rapture’s not happening soon enough.

Are there any adults among these fundies who don’t believe in fairy tales?

1:13 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

As a point of order, most of that stuff, particularly the dispensationalist crap, isn’t actually mainstream Christian doctrine.

1:17 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

And of course it’s all in Comic Sans, the cardinal font sin. Am I the only one sorely tempted to start bombarding them with questions on their “ask a question” page? All caps, misspelled, grammatical nightmares so they think it’s one of their own. Must consult my brother, who was educated by Jesuits. I’ve seen him reduce fundies to tears in Bible discussions.

2:11 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

@Tommmcatt Floats: No. This crap is NOT what I was taught at school by the Reverend Dr. Dodd who was later caught exposing himself to a little girl in the bushes in Dulwich Park. He was found not guilty and all we boys celebrated by singing Zip a dee doo dah whenever he walked by since the spirit of Christian forgiveness waxed strong in us.

5:09 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

@Mistress Cynica: Baby Jesus cries when you commit copy editing sins.

7:30 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

If I told any of the kids I know any of these answers, they’d laugh me out of the room.

8:17 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

Hahahahahahaha!

Okay! Somehow they got gotquestions.org, and there you can learn about teh Muslins

8:53 pm • Sunday • July 5, 2009

Can’t find anything about them on Guidestar. Looks like they aren’t filing with the IRS. Perusing 2007 990 right now…

ADD: Interesting part of the 990 is redacted. Look at lines 40-42.

Link won’t get you there, but there’s a weird block missing. If you search for “Got Questions Ministries” and click on the link, a pdf will open of their 2007 990EZ. Page two looks wonky.

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