Today we have three candidates:

Bachmann

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Picture of Sanford's Poon Tango's Lair Where They Celebrated Sanford's Family Values With Some Savage Pestorking

Gov. Mark Sanford’s Argentinian poon tango’s identity has finally been revealed by an inquisitive press, determined to find out what kind of hot, dewy quivering piece of ass would temp the family-values fucktard to fly around the world for some attempted surreptitious pestorking.

Legendary Stinquer SanFranLefty is not budging from her contention that the poon tango is a schlong-packing transvestite, betting the mumber of tranny’s in Buenos Aires and Sanford’s political affiliation make it statistically improbable that his poon tango is really female. Still, despite SFL’s skepticism, the media has revealed some details about the affair’s protagonist.

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Mark Sanford: Refused stimulus. Disappeared for days on Adventure Trip, ultimately confessed affair with Argentine firecracker.

Bobby Jindal: Refused stimulus. In a major national appearance, provoked comparisons to intern character on popular sitcom.

Sarah Palin: Refused stimulus. Unwed-mother daughter named national spokesperson for abstinence campaign sponsored by sexy-teen clothing company. Last seen picking a fight with late-night television host.

Rick Perry: Refused stimulus. Last seen rallying Texas to secession.

Haley Barbour: Refused stimulus. Family and friends cashed in on Katrina recovery funds.

Butch Otter: Refused stimulus. His name is Butch Otter.

Most people who decide to carry on an illicit affair would, naturally, want to have an adequate and somewhat reliable cover story.  Being discreet is a given under such circumstances. You know — cheap motel, stolen moments in an office park somewhere, and all under the helpful pretense of “work-related travel.” 

But not for Mark Sanford.  Oh no.  Dude set up a tryst in South America.  He did use a cover of wanting to get away from it all for a few days, every so often.  But not telling command and control in the state you run?  Excellent! 

A stellar achievement, Governor.  We salute you!

Presented without comment:

Alright – I have a comment. Is that some of the most unhinged shit you’ve ever seen on TV?

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Now we know why he fessed up.