What we know about fashion you could stuff in that beak, but Dodgerblue’s wife would kill us if we didn’t set up a Red Carpet Open Thread, so here it is, to be quickly forgotten at 8:15 p.m. when our real Oscar coverage starts.

If you have cable or satellite, we think E!!!!!!!!!!!!! (damn shift key) is running the preshow, while ABC has a recap at 8 p.m. Someone holler if PETA stormtroopers show up as zany Nazis and threaten to blitzkrieg the Kodak Theatre.

He’s looking for a job:

Title: The Day of the Locust

Author: Nathanael West

Rank: 805,708

Blurb: “Tod Hackett is a brilliant young artist — and a man in danger of losing his heart. Brought to an LA studio as a set-designer, he is soon caught up in a fantasy world where the cult of celebrity rules. But when he becomes besotted by the beautiful Faye, an aspiring actress and occasional call-girl, his dream rapidly becomes a nightmare. For, with little in the way of looks and no money to buy her time, Tod’s desperate passion can only lead to frustration, disillusionment and rage.”

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Pat Buchanan makes shit up, melts down.  Serious craziness is about four and a half minutes in, but you should watch the whole thing.

I think Black Eagle is getting to old Pat, eh?
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Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Clown Troupe attempted to take their traveling salivation show to England this week, where they planned to protest performances of a play about Matthew Shepard. But authorities were not amused by the rude mechanicals, putting them on the next flight back from Heathrow.

“Both these individuals have engaged in unacceptable behavior by inciting hatred against a number of communities,” said a U.K. Border Agency mouthpiece. “The government has made it clear it opposes extremism in all its forms.”

Instead, the bumptious buskers had to make do with a street performance Thursday outside a high school in Prairie Village, Kansas. Their new show, “With a Frog in My Throat,” drew an audience of hundreds.

British government bans Fred Phelps, daughter from entering U.K. [Kansas City Star]

With gambling and booze in the tank, our economic collapse seems to be undermining long-held assumptions about safe investment bets. But one business appears to be thriving amid the gloom:

Designer sex toys.

These aren’t your mother’s dildoes. Popularized by Sex and the City’s Rampant Rabbit, we’re talking about three-figure equipment for your two-finger needs.

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Clintons bid farewell to Socks the cat, age 20 [MSNBC]