Eartha Goes To Heaven; Lady Bird Said To Be In Hiding

Hey, HF, hope you’re staying put wherever you are. Chicago sounds like an ice cold mess.

@Mistress Cynica: I am good – at my Dad’s in East Central IL – no ice here! And it is supposed to be like 55 tomorrow, so I will head back after the ice melts.

Among her less-noted achievments, Eartha Kitt played a full-throated Disney cartoon villainess in The Emperor’s New Groove. Makes up for David Spade.

@nojo: Darling, nothing makes up for David Spade.

@Benedick: Oscar, where have you been?

Nonsequiter query: Why do methheads think its cute to dress their 6 year old daughters in pink sweatsuits that say “JUICY” and match their adult tweaker mama sweatsuit? Questions I ask as I wait for my flight.

As to the topic. Lady Bird is one of my sheroes, in the Texas democratic female tradition. Plus she and I share a birthday. Not as much of an in your face rabble rouser as Ann Richards and Molly Ivins or Liz Carpenter or Sarah Weddington…but she had her quiet dignity and put up with LBJ’s shit for decades. If someone had tried to do that to Laura Bush, they’d be in Gitmo now. Lady Bird was always a lady.

I swear, I thought the headline said Lady Day, and I figured I missed some feud with Billie Holiday.

@nojo: Or that we’d stepped into a Thomas Hardy novel.

@SanFranLefty: You left out that the sweat-pants have “Juicy” written across what Forrest Gump would call the Butt-Tocks.

Mrs. Prom and I have been marvelling all day, since noon, when we witnessed an amazing scene in the Wal-Mart parking lot (don’t ask). Two teen girls, they were just sorta hanging out in the parking lot, flirting and talking with two of the boys out collecting carts. Maybe 17.

One was wearing pajamas, pink plaid pajamas. One leg went all the way down to the fake Uggs, the other leg, it had elastic around the bottom, was pulled up just below her other knee. For the top, I only recall some midriff showing, a short-tee-shirty thing, and a half jacket of some kind. The other, she was a tiny, slight little thing, had on the sweatpants, but she was showing a full 8 inches of midriff, and out through this opening popped a pale belly, startling considering the rest of her was so tiny.

But the makeup was the real attention-getter. Eyeliner like King Tut’s death mask, black on one, sky-blue on the other.

They looked like clumsily made-up Brats dolls, except the clothing was cheesier and visibly dirty.

But it got better. They were standing between two cars, I think they were talking to someone in a car, or trying to. And just as I, and Mrs., and Junior walk beside them, I could have touched them, Pink Plaid Pajamas casually and professionally hawks a big lugie and spits. I mean a real, professional, manly spit. I don’t know how to spit like that, I have seen guys do it, the quick, “hawk, pfffthooie,” you can hear it exit the lips, propelled with great force and accuracy, a cohesive round gob, not a pathetic stream, and I swear, we heard it hit the ground.

The she turned to me and looked right at me, all attitude, as if to say “yeah, so what?”

And that made it a golden moment we will never forget.

@Promnight: Thank you for sharing that charming moment with all of us. There’s no place better than the Wal Mart parking lot to see the full impact of the American entertainment industry and the public education industry. Not surprisingly we’ve spawned a generation or two of nasty little urchins right out of a Dickens novel. I guess their babies were inside the store with grandma who was picking up some chicken tenders and Cheetos and Bud Light for dinner.

@Promnight:
Jersey, baby, Jersey. Ain’t nothing Klassier with a K than a Sprawl-Mart in South Jersey.

I’m surprised the little one didn’t offer to suck off Prom Jr. and you for a 2-for-1 special. Their toothless mother was probably servicing the truck drivers behind the Sprawl Mart. Or their great-grandma guardian was working as a greeter and told them to go entertain themselves for 8 hours because she can’t afford day care and DYFS checks haven’t arrived yet.

@SanFranLefty: I forgot to mention that they had glitter all over their faces. That was criminal, leaving out that detail, thats adds something important. My thought was, I finally have a nagging minor curiousity satisfied. Every Sunday morning, as I read, shocked, really, the prostitution ads in my local paper’s sports section, I am shocked at the idea that blatant ads for prostitution are so prevalent, they didn’t used to be, I used to wonder sometimes what shows up when you call for that $125, complete satisfaction guaranteed, “young, beautiful girls,” “tip included” mid-day specials.”

And now I know.

Only in Vegas do prostitutes offer to suck you off right in front of your wife. On the Vegas strip, every 5 feet or so along the sidewalk, there is a mexican gentleman, most look quite dignified fellows, who hold in their hands stacks of business cards that they hand out to you, the cards have very explicit pictures on them, of the women on offer, and the phone number to call on the back. As I strolled with Mrs Prom down the strip last time I was there, I finally asked the 20th one to try to shove these cards in my hand, “hey, dude, I am with my wife here, what, like, ya know?” And he said “Maybe you and your wife like some company, no?”

Gotta love Vegas.

@SanFranLefty: they are out-breeding us. We need to put down that volume of Jane Austin and schtup our brains out.

@Dodgerblue:
Except I’m too responsible to bring children into the world that I can’t support on my nonprofit salary.

@Promnight:
I forgot to add that the other charming part of your story is the fact that so many people feel it is totally acceptable to wear their pajamas out in public. How fucking hard is it to put on clothes before going to the store? Or getting on a plane, for that matter?